OK, I haven't been around for a while, my "ordeal" has been going on for over 14 months now. WS started an A last June, ended off and on after last September. We tried to rebuild (well I did anyway), and the contact continued (numerous D-Days), until she went to find her own apt in April on the pretense of a trial separation, but in reality so that she could continue her relationship.

Well that R ended pretty soon after she moved out (he ran a mile), and she spent the next few months chasing around a few men, but didn't really get too involved. Then in July she met another man, and 2 weeks after they met she filed for D.

While my WS has a very strong history of low self esteem, depression and not taking responsibility, I think that 2 weeks is a pretty short time to believe that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone!

We have since done the status quo hearing and I have really come to the realization that my M is over, but my concern now is for my D. I opposed the tempory agreement, for my WS to have temporary physical custody, but the judge didn't want to hear any arguements.

Now I find out that my 4 yr old D, is staying over at OM apt with my STBXW, but in addition, since he only has a 1 bedroom apt, they all sleep in the same bed together. I find this hard to handle, especially since she only lives about 2 miles from him.

My morality says this is wrong, and would probably be detrimental to her case in the forthcoming trial, should I say anything, or should I just bring it up to my lawyer?

Any suggestions welcomed
wpd

I would consult your lawyer first, before doing anything.

I would probably have my attorney contact a judge first thing on Monday to get your daughter out of there and with you. She is in a dangerous situation and if her own mother won't protect her, then hopefully you will. You need to get your daughter out of there..NOW! It's bad enough that your XW is sleeping with strange men, but your daughter too?

wpd,

I winced when I read your post...I also feel uncomfortable about your daughter being in the same bed as the OM....to me, this is inappropriate. I also have a problem with your W doing this...she is setting a terrible example for your daughter to see.

I would definitely mention this to your attorney. It gives some information about your W's character and where she is at from a 'values' standpoint. She and the OM are not married...are committing adultery..and she is parading it right in front of your little girl...heck..not only parading..but putting her literally in bed with them. I'm sorry...this turns my stomach..and I am the WS.

I would also definitely bring up your wife's continual pattern of infidelity. The court needs to consider all aspects of a child's potential home environment. I feel your child does not need to watch her Mommy go through a string of men...what a terrible lesson for her to grow up with. You don't want her to think this is normal..and grow to accept it. Ugh..what a problem that will create for your daughter later..when she has no 'basis' for knowing what a normal..healthy relationship between a man and a woman really is. We are a product of our environments to a large extent...sure, we can overcome them...but why stack the deck against a kid if you can prevent it??

Please tell me you are intending to seek custody! Your precious little girl deserves the presence of a more stable parent!

Let us know!

God Bless!

YR

Thankyou for the kind responses, like I said, my morality said this was wrong, but sometimes you just need some validation from someone else, and there are some great people on these boards.

YR - Yes I am intending to seek custody, the situation is temporary at the moment, based on the status quo (we separated for 5 months prior to filing). But the reason I agreed to that, was b/c it was supposed to be a time for us to work on our M (although WS was using it as a time to explore other R's!).

Obviously incidents like this, and some other significant behavious, only make my case stronger. However, I am concerned for the effects this is having on my D, even in the short term, My atty is out of town this weekend, but will contact him first thing Tuesday to see if there is anything that can be done in the short term. If this continues for the duration of the divorce, which will probably be months, it could have some lasting effects.

wpd

OK, the story gets worse, I have my daughter this weekend, and I was trying to understand whether my D was sleeping between WS an OM or not, as it turns out my daughter said that she was woken up because WS and OM were "playing"!!! In the same F!!! bed.

Sorry, venting here
wpd

wpd,

Do you know the character of the man with whom your daughter is sleeping? I am not trying to scare you unneccesarily, but this is how molestations take place.

Not too sure, he's young, about 30, seems to be well educated, but probably just stupid about what he's actually doing, obviously led on by WS

wpd

I plan on talking to my atty about several things.

1. Get permanent physical custody
2. Get a restraining order aginst OM from seeing my D
3. Request that WS's visitations are supervised.

Any suggestions, has anyone been through a similar experience?

wpd

Your story gives me the chills. IMHO, when kids are involved their well-being comes first. Your D is more important than your M at this point in time! I agree with everyone else. Get your D the heck outta that unhealthy situation!!! Do it now and do it fast!! Children can't protect themselves. If we as concerned adults don't do it, who will??

Your 'game plan' looks great! May I suggest you put your plan into action ASAP! ...as soon as the holiday weekend is over, see a lawyer on Tues..

<small>[ September 01, 2002, 08:00 PM: Message edited by: mgm ]</small>

You might not know my story...
...and that is not the point.

Get an attorney ASAP...

Stop this barbaric situation immediately!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

Well, an update, I just talked to my lawyer, he said that one or three things may happen if he files a motion today (and unless the court agrees to an emergency hearing it will be another 2 weeks before we can get into court)

1. The judge will not lend any credence to the testimony or hearsay of a 4 yr old
2. The judge will want the child to be evaluated by a psychologist to evaluate whether she is telling the trusth.
3. The judge will err on the side of caution, and in the meantime reverse the tempoary custody order, placing the child in my care.

Alternatively I could hire a PI and have him document the fact that WS and OM are spending the night together, however it is virtually impossible to get documentary evidence that all three of them are sleeping in the same bed together.

He's also said that they would obviously deny any allegations, and suggest that I'm just doing this out of anger.

It seems to me that filing a motion is the quickest way to resolve the issue, it will either remove my D from the environment by placing the physical custody with me, or, even after denying it WS will hopefully realise that it was inappropriate, that any cohabitation is inappropriate and she will stop doing it.

He's supposed to be making some calls, and getting back to me later today.

Any thoughts? I'll add an update later today after we've talked again.
wpd

<small>[ September 03, 2002, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: wpd ]</small>