Any of you have problems with this? Though the affair has been over for 10 months now and for the most part recovery is going well I often wonder if/how I will ever again measure up(sexually I mean). Though sex between us is fantastic, fun, frequent, adventurous, loving and sometimes hot and passionate and he tells me its better than with her, that there's no comparison, I still feel as though I'm competing with something I can never be. I'm 38, and though I look good for my age, I can never be 18 again (Husband is 36, OW 18) and I can never be that something he's not supposed to have - you know, the old excitement, passion, and naughtiness of the "forbidden fruit" thing, his dirty little secret. I'm his wife and we've been married for 13 years so I'm not, can't be, that "forbidden fruit" though he tells me that's not want he wants now. Said at one time he thought maybe that's what he wanted but found out he was wrong. Anyway, this is something I'm really struggling with and it really affects me especially during & after sex. I have talked to my husband about it and though he is very reassuring, I hate feeling this way and wonder if it will ever go away???

While you might not be able to compete with the age difference think about this......she WILL get old one day and you will still look good while she will carry this baggage around of being used in her youth. Makes one look old and lose their beauty of youth real fast.

Not only that but he might look like a 'sugar daddy' now but extra baggage to her later. Way after he $$ or whatever her attraction is to him runs out. Remember youth is fickle and they generally have short term attention spans.

You keep taking care of yourself. Inner and outer beauty is good but inner beauty is what lasts. There is a saying that 'beauty is only skin deep but rottenness goes straight to the bones.' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Almost There,

Well, you have asked a very complex question. As a guy, I would like to suggest that YOU should listen to your H on this point. I am substantially older than you or your H and by my measure you are still young, as opposed to childish.

My point? An 18 year old can look, hot. They look vibrant. They do stupid things, that can be interpretted as sexy. But, she cannot be evolved enough to really know how to MAKE LOVE. She cannot be experienced enough to TALK to. She cannot be old enough to choose to have sex instead of needing to or wanting to to obtain something.

Your H probably didn't know that, now he does. She isn't forbidden fruit, she is green fruit who hasn't ripened yet.

YOU on the other hand are at your peak. Trust me on this one. You have the combination of mental and emotional maturity and still physically quite young. You young lady are the complete package and he now knows it.

Don't even start with the "yes, but the lines, the sagging breasts, yada yada yada. Men, don't really see these things. The notice them but they don't see them. A mature women who wants sex with her spouse is about as sexy as it comes.

So please stop this nonsense. He is the one that messed up, you didn't. Believe your H, I think he is a sadder but much wiser man now. He just might be wise enough to make a good H now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God Bless,

JL

Almost,

I am a guy 41, and the WW is 32. We married when she was 18. I can honestly say that SF was MUCH better recently. Although it was always great, I was aware of one thing in particular that I probably noticed more than anything, and I think most males will too.

All you need to do is immerse yourself in it. Hold nothing back. I think, at least in my case, that men for the most part want very much to see their partner totally flooded by the time at hand.

What is so strange, I guess, is that while I always wanted my WW to absolutely look stunning, I never paid attention to that in SF. Looks are a big EN of mine, but when it REALLY should count, according to myths, it really didn't. The thing I observed the most was her demeanor, and her passion at the time.

I often hear tales about how males are selfish in that department. I really don't think we are. As for me, I would much rather see my partner totally consumed by it. Very, very big ego booster. I can honestly walk away from some SF where I KNOW that the WW was pleased, and me not, and be much more content.

I think that deep down we look for that "emotional connection" between us and our partner. When we can actually feel and sense that, nothing on this earth is better.

Geez, this was hard to post. I miss her....

HCII

Orchid, JL & hcii, thanks for your replies. You guys wouldn't be just saying that to make me feel better would ya? Either way, it helped and I appreciate it. JL, loved that "total package" thing. I'll ty to keep that in mind when my self esteem is eating away at me. hcii, know what you mean about that "emotional connection" and nothing on earth being better. Seems like when we have that connection neither of us has eyes for anyone else. So sorry about your situation. Best of luck and I'll be thinking of you and hoping things turn out for the best!

Dear Almost There,

try to think of it this way: how can a 18 year old really compete with a 38 year old. You were having "sex" when she wasn't even born!!!! (probably <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )
You might be older but as I tend to say: I'm getting older and BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Imagine how much an 18 year old doesn't know!!!!!How could she know all the things that you do???????HOW???????
I remember when I was very young, I had a boyfriend that was quit abit older. He was a great teacher for me because I knew absolutely nothing!!!!!!! I felt so mature and I thought I knew what it takes to have "great sex!" Gosh, I knew NOTHING!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> I NEVER would of been able to compete against someone experienced.

Now I'm 41 and NO 18 year old would be able to compete with me!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

old excitement, passion, and naughtiness of the "forbidden fruit" thing, his dirty little secret

This is up to you guys to bring this back!!!!!!!! It is possible, believe me!!!!!!It's just a matter of throwing your embarrassment away and enjoying yourself!!!!!! Letting yourself go and pleasing one another.

Enthusiasim + Experience ="Heaven"

Believe what your H is telling you!!!!!!!!!!! He's learned his lesson and he knows you are the BEST!!! He is with you and not with OW!!!!!!!!! It was his choice and he choose to be with you!!! and believe me, he knows why!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

What really matters to men is getting the feeling that they can please you. They want to see this and they want to feel this!!! They want to see that the woman they are with is letting herself go and is having fun!!! The great part of getting older for me is that I know what really pleases me and I have no problems telling/showing him. I have learnt so much throughout the years to know that this is all natural and normal. I have learnt to laugh about myself and not to take myself too serious all the time, this wasn't possible when I was young, it would of made me feel very insecure.
But now I am able to speak out what I like and ask my H what he enjoys, with NO problem!!!!!!

So come on, you are not competing with anyone!!!!!!!! and you wouldn't want to be 18 again would you????????
Let yourself go and see it in your H reactions how much he loves you and how great you are!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

hugs
bb

Hey AT,

Nope, I wasn't saying it just to make you feel better. I thought about it when I first wrote it but that's not my style!!! What I wrote is how I feel and it's the truth. This young OW has basically damaged her future. Even if she does everything else perfect for the rest of her life, she will always have this major flaw from her youth. It will be worse if she keeps walking down this destructive course by putting herself into other people's lives and taking what is NOT hers. The emotional stress she is giving herself by being an OW will scar her for life. Having a child in such a state is also hard. But she can recover. You can hope that she does and in a way even pity her(maybe not now but later).

U though are already a cut above that. So continue to live your life so that you have a clean conscience and let your inner beauty shine.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
take care,
L.

Thanks, you guys are the best!