Well had a really good week. Mostly because my H wasnt playing online. We got along great, had fun. At times he would just get tears in his eyes and say "you know you are my best friend. We have so much fun together." Fast forward a few days, he plays his online game again where his online "friends" are and then we are back to crap again. Hes all secretive and indignant if I ask what hes doing. He just seems incapable of seeing the problem. He thinks its me bringing up problems where there arent any. I mean he didnt speak to me all day and when I ask what hes doing, he just says nothing or playing and then gets defensive and secretive.

I hate this.

Luci

Luci,

I am not one to be giving any advice tonight, but wanted you to know that there are people out here that are reading and you are not being ignored!!!

By your sign line it looks like you have had some very tough times in this marriage already, did you deal with the feelings that losing your children caused? Is your H playing these games to hide from his feelings or from you ? Have you gotten any counseling?

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yes. We have had tough times. I grieved over the losses, still am, withdrew from husband during illnesses (I was bedridden during pregnancies, very ill, pretty much vomitted all day and wasnt functioning at a high level). Then I got a little better and began to share more with him.

He turned to online women, thats how he dealt with the losses. When I found out, asked him to stop. He says he did. I know he didnt (he did with one (after I called her and clarified the situation), but now has a new one). He wont go to counseling. I went to counseling once and the counselor stood me up (that sucked). He is on antidepressants. He says that his lovebank for me is full. Yet I find raunchy email from women to him in his box. His emails are tame but enough to make me wonder why he cant just admit it. I confronted a few times but it led to such conflict that I stopped. Made it clear I didnt want to share him with online women even if he felt they didnt mean anything and it was all just "bull****" (his words).

He wants us to try again in January for a baby. I just want to know if hes really committed to this marriage. I would like a child as well.

I understand that men can compartmentalize more, but this is nutty. He says he knows he is selfish, knows he is hurting me but at the same time it is still there. The OW is married as well. Makes me feel like the whole world is full of lying cheating spouses who have no regard for others. Because its "online" its not real. Its real for me and it really hurts.

Luci

On line is REAL!!! It's an emotional affair and those can be the hardest kinds to get over. It's an addication to another person.

Is it fair to put your life and health at risk with another pregnancy with a person that is not committed to you and only you? IMHO you two have to deal with his affair first before you can go on with your marriage. There are some great materials to read here at this site that will help you in recovering your marriage.

I am sorry for the losses that you have edured, I hope that your marriage is notadded to them. Go and read, read about plan A and how that is for you, write down your plan A so you can keep track of it's progress. Focus on yourself right now, be selfish. LEarn as much as you can, seek some counseling, not all counselors are jerks. When you are ready tackle talking with your husband about your concerns about your marriage.

Keep posting and reading, there are many that are very wise here and will share, if you have specific questions ask them.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Luci....a word a advice. STOP YOUR HUSBAND AT ALL COST. My wife and I had a great marriage before we got our computer. This is when my sex addiction really took off. I was like your husband and I would chat with other woman on the internet. All the while my wife was in the bed devastated. I had in my mind it wasn't real either but it was. It was an affair and I hurt my wife very bad. I didn't stop there. I kept on until I had 2 different PA's and many hours on computer wasted talking to people. All the while destroying the trust that my wife had in me and destroying my relationship.

You had better confront your husband NOW. He sounds like he is a sex addict like myself. I suggest getting the book "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes. When I read the book it woke me up and I got help immediately. I wish I had known a few years ago what I know now. I would still be married to the love of my life.

Take it from me. If your husband doesn't want to lose everything that means the world to him then he needs help immediately. I have lost my wife, my time with my kids, my in-laws, the trust in all my family. Everything that I lived for and loved is gone because I didn't get the help I needed soon enough.

I can only pray that someday God will give these things back to me but until then I will keep on working on recovery.

If your husband has any questions I will be glad to try and answer them for him.

I am praying for you and your husband because I know what kind of hold it can have on you without help and I know the pain it causes for both spouses.

Love in Christ
cajunky

<small>[ September 01, 2002, 08:00 AM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>