Relate,

I don't have the energy to spar with you at all! I have been on this site since the end of '98 or early '99. Check out my threads from the beginning... you need to search LadyK and read up on the man I'm married to.

For everyone else, thank you for the support. I have talked to my H on a couple occassions since I told him I didn't want to work on th marriage... the conversations/emails are short and to the point (dealing with finances, etc).

We still end our conversations with "I love you"! I do love him, but I don't have the energy to invest. We have parenting issues as well - we just don't agree on parenting. I'm having a really, really tough time with my kids and he just adds fuel to that fire and he doesn't try to be compassionate or sympathetic or supportive. I need someone who will comfort me and listen to me... not blow me off for the act of a child.

Thanks, all!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi Free,

I'm glad you checked in--I've been thinking about you and wondering how you're doing. Sorry if the thread got off-track. It was just hard to hear some of the comments that were made, knowing everything you've been through.

You sound like your holding up pretty good. Take care of yourself, okay? I mean that literally--you sound pretty worn out, so do something nice for yourself that will give you some energy back.

Martes

As someone who does remember "Lady K" and the wonderful advice she gave...and who has followed her through her "identity change" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ,
Hon, I just have to say that I think this decision of yours is excellent and I know it has not been hasty.

You are a strong, loving, capable woman who has always conducted herself with grace and courtesy here on the board..I find it hard to believe you'd be any less in real life.

Free, none of us knows what tomorrow will bring...who knows if this decision will be the straw that breaks or recreates the marriage. But I applaud you making your boundary and sticking to it. I think.....nope, I KNOW..you will be fine.
Love,
T
PS..thanks to the little bird who sent me over..I miss some of my buds over here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm having a really, really tough time with my kids and he just adds fuel to that fire and he doesn't try to be compassionate or sympathetic or supportive. I need someone who will comfort me and listen to me... not blow me off for the act of a child. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So ask him for this, but not by focusing on the negative and being acusatory. Say that you are having a really tough time with the kids and you want him to try and be compassionate, sympathetic and supportive. Say you need someone who will comfort you and listen to you. And say that you are sure that he will do this for you if he loves you and that you will do the same for him.

But don't keep the atmosphere heavy and full of grudges, issues and nagging demands. Try to recreate the romance and have light, sweet, intimate times so that both of you will gain pleasure and grow closer with each encounter.

- relate

<small>[ September 13, 2002, 04:01 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

relate... don't you think I've done that? We were under one roof for 2 years as a blended family. He chose to have EAs with other women and have cyber sex than support me. That was his excuse for a couple of th EAs - too stressful at home. Give me a break... I was fighting with him over porn and other women, fighting with my kids and fighting with my ex husband - don't talk to me about too much stress at home. I'm surrised I'M not the one who ran off and hid from the problems by sleeping around. He promised me over a year ago in a counseling session that he would support me... but he could never do it, he always lowered himself to the fits of a child and was sarcastic to them and would yell at me.

Pu-lease! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

If he was that unhappy he should have discussed a separation or try to work with me. Whenever I tried to confide in him he'd tell me he wasn't the one I should talk to... because he knew he would judge me harshly and condemn me for my kids.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Relate... please do me a favor and stop replying to my threads.

P.S... to everyone else, I started on 20mg of Paxil 3 weeks ago and today my doctor upped me to 30 mg. Over all I feel less anxious, but I don't have any energy (not that I ever did, but I thouht I'd get some).

<small>[ September 13, 2002, 03:43 PM: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</small>

As you wish. Anyway I'll be too busy from now on. I am flying out for a conference in Colorado next week at a skii resort. And finally back to work and my studies the following week!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

{ps. If you knew why I was hanging out here, you would know that I am finally realaxing from my major stressors and going back to work. This is a phew, sigh of relief, relax, regenerate, I'm outa here post. As opposed to I've lost my job and studies post. Nothing else. I am studying computer science. Take no notice of Twyla, queen of ridicule, put downs and sarchasm.}

- relate

ps. Antidepressants are tranqualizers, hence the lack of energy. Seek the strength within yourself, your friends, family and God to pull yourself up. Another point on which you can disagree with me. Bye.

<small>[ September 14, 2002, 04:14 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

Hi Free,

Glad to hear you're in touch with your doctor. And please take my earlier advice--try to do something nice for yourself. And I hope parts of this thread didn't add too much to your stress.

Regarding the fatigue, it could be the result of the Paxil (I admit I don't know much about its side effects). But there are a bunch of reasons for you to be tired, you know. You've been through an emotional wringer, which is physically exhausting as well as mentally. And your recent decision to detach and self-preserve could be another reason.

I know that when I've got something major stressful going on, keeping me on edge, I feel like I'm running on adrenaline. I'm like the Energizer Bunny. But then when the stressor is gone, I literally crash. Mentally and physically. I can sleep for 12 hours a night for a week. You've been up and down and up and down with him very recently--did it have you on edge, feeling kind of wired? Maybe now you're coming down from that.

Does that make any sense? Anyway, take care and hope you're feeling better.

Martes

LOLOLOLOL...
Oh Free...I have to just laugh at the absolute ABSURDITY of that last post...and the poster...please draw back and laugh too..when is the last time you had a ski trip? Lord help us all, The "studies" mentioned are probably psychology! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (Hmmmm..note the time of her edit)

The energy returns...it's almost like antidepressents wrap you in a nice safe "cocoon" first, take away some of the whirling in your mind, make your thinking a little cleared first.

Those little things..a 15-20 minute walk each day, a little pamper time, a little time focusing on yourself will help it along.

Also, focusing on the knowledge that you are getting off the stationary bike where your situation has kept you for so long and starting to actually make some forward movement...that is controlled by YOU and not his reactions.

It's hard to focus on the positives while so much upheaval is going on. Especially with kids and the everyday crisis that need tending.

Hang in there
T

<small>[ September 14, 2002, 03:33 AM: Message edited by: Twyla ]</small>

Good morning,

I don't get too upset reading the posts that aren't truly helpful and ones I can't "relate" too and who can't "relate" to my situation.

I've always had this incredible lack of energy. My mom told me I used to fall asleep during dinner and be to bed by 7 when I was young. I just don't have that "get up and go" in me. I'd much rather stay home and go to bed early on a Friday night than party late with friends. It really bugs me that I'm tired all the time... I used to just consider myself lazy, but I don't think that's it.

I did force myself to go vacuum out the van and wash it... it really was discusting. Now to drag my butt out to mow the lawn... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Thanks fo popping in and sharing with me! Have a great day!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Something you said in your last post struck me and I have to jump in here. You said you've always been tired alot and not had much energy. I can't remember what it is for sure; my mother's the nurse I'll have to ask her and get back with you. I think that your thyroid (sp?) may have something to do with your energy level--will have to get back to you on that one. Did you mention this to your doctor or have you ever mentioned it? It seems weird to me that you've lived your whole life "being tired" without it being something physical. Maybe you should relate your mother's story to your doctor--just a thought. I may be way off-base.....

Yeah, get thee to the doctor..thyroid, chronic fatigue syndrome, basic anemia...treat yourself to a complete checkup. There are so many things that could be physical causes of low energy.

I think it's too easy to blame everything on the almost constant stress your been through.

I hope YOU have a good weekend.
T

Hi,

I had my thyroid checked last year and doctor said all was normal. I mentioned what my Mom had said and he said "it's just who you are".

It's irritating that I'd rather hang out on the couch than to get up and go outside... it's more like a chore to go visiting.

Thanks for the response!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi free,

My counseler asked what I would do with all the energy I had spent worring about my H , his affair and our so called recovery. And I relaized that when he was gone for 6 months, yes I was sad and missed him, but I had more energy, got things done, was OK. Living in a bad relationship and struggling with it is a huge energy drain.

Take care

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by beenhereawhile:
<strong>My counseler asked what I would do with all the energy I had spent worring about my H , his affair and our so called recovery. And I relaized that when he was gone for 6 months, yes I was sad and missed him, but I had more energy, got things done, was OK. Living in a bad relationship and struggling with it is a huge energy drain.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am amazed at all the energy I have put into trying to save this marriage. I don't put any energy into it now.

Thanks!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />