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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 5 |
Hello all. I've been reading here now for many months and decided to post a question in the hope that maybe someone might be able to help. Here goes - Is it feasible that my h (who was unfaithful 3 years ago and we are still together) can purposely be sabotaging our relationship because he really does not want to re-commit to the marriage and make it better because he really wants me to make the first move and leave him? Sometimes I just believe he has a personality disorder. Has anyone ever been through this type of experience? Hope someone can help me on this one before I go crazy. Thanks.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Bluejeans,
It is hard to tell because I don't know your situation, but it is quite common for WS to stir up trouble so they can incite the BS in an attempt to blame them and justify their bad behavior. Another objective would be to encourage the BS to end the marriage so they don't have to be the bad guy. Has your WS been doing this since the affair? Or did you just find out about the affair?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
P.S. I should add that Plan A is a GREAT response to these kinds of tactics and often serves to take the wind out of their sails.
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 105
Member
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Member
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 105 |
Bluejeans,
What happened after his affair? Did you go to some kind of marriage counseling? How did the affair end? I think sometimes if affair ended abruptly without it dying a natural death there is a trace of “what if”. Unfortunately, this could lead to unresolved feelings. But then again you don’t say that it has anything to do the OW, just that your WH seems to not want to be married. What are your thoughts? Do you think it has anything to do with unresolved feelings for the OW or that your H is just unhappy in the marriage? Either way, Plan A on your part is a good suggestion. What is your H doing to make you think he doesn’t want to be married? Are you able to talk to your H about this? How about seeing a marriage counselor now?
ASM
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