I want to know for sure whether H is having an A. I am (intuitively) suspicious about his behaviour lately - but want to be 99% sure this is not my imagination before confronting.
What signs in his beahviour should I be especially wary about?
And should I double check any unknown numbers on our phone bill? Or his cell phone?
What about any other things I could check out myself and 'play detective' rather than having to go to the expense of hiring one?

Would really like to have some idea of what I'm dealing with before going in 'gung ho'.

Check out the classic post...

50 signs your spouse is having an affair (All found on this board)...Triumph2....2/23/2000

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

I asked the same questions on my post.
Although my instincts tell me my H is still involved, he was sly enough to put a spy program on my computer as a way to keep his own cover. He's now cooled his activities knowing I have been alerted. He leaves his cell phone off claiming he doesn't want to receive intrusive phone calls from business associates. When we go out, he relies on using my cell phone. Funny this comes at the same time I was investigating his activities. He's very, very good at this!

Perhaps after reading all the signs - the words of the P.I. that replied on my post can help. Good luck. Some of these guys are hard to catch. Just don't let him know anything at all about your investigating him. He will take evasive action!

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=018955

What sort of things are you suspicious of? What signs do you see that prompt you to think he is having an affair? I think I knew for months that it was true but denied it all. He was good, very good at covering it all up. He did start carrying his cell phone everywhere. Started making excuses for going outside at wierd times. He was on the computer constantly with her, emailing, etc. He'd come home later and later.

Mine were hard because OW lived out of country, he would only see her on business trips or when she came here to work for a few weeks or a month.

1. He suddenly hated or was very dissatisfied with everything. Even things he formally loved to do.

2. Did not initiate sex, expected me to, then acted put out if I missed his signals. Like he was trying to build a case against me. "See, she doesn't want me"

3. Now that I think about it, it was like he was trying to build a case against me in a lot of ways.

4. This makes me sick. He was gone most of the month of December (out of country) to TIE THINGS UP with an old business, before he moved out of state to start a new job. The ONE night he was home before he left, I wanted to make love. He said he didn't want to then got a pity for me look on his face and said " I guess you deserve it." Like it was a gift he was giving me. UGH. This is before I knew about OW.

5. When he moved I suspected he didn't tell his new employer about his family. I was right. Either told them we were separated or D.

6. Was very evasive when I talked about moving with him. Actually got screaming mad when I mentioned our OD (23, married) thought that it would be a good idea if we moved in the summer before school started. He screamed "Why doesn't she mind her own business."

7. Started making future plans that didn't seem to include our family. Would bring up crazy goals or future plans (living on a boat, etc.) then be very upset if I wasn't too enthusiastic.

And pretty much all the others I've already read.
It seems they really have a way of turning their guilt around and making everything into something that is missing in their life because of you or your M.
S

carmen,

List your suspicions for us so we might be able to help you out more specifically. I caught my WW very easily.