Does any of this stuff really work? I mean, yeah, I can find some success stories, but by and large, what's the general consensus out there? All of us cuckolds going through all these twists and turns... does it work?
Consider this a vent. Or maybe just my way of standing up and saying "Am I the only nut out here?"
It's been just under two months since D-Day and the three-day weekend came at a good time. We went through our "let's just move past this" honeymoon period right smack dab into a good ol' LB-filled crash and burn, followed by a week of her major league withdrawal and my dashing quickly to the nearest counselor to discover I'm a victim of low self-esteem. Duh. Another couple of days passed as we moved toward the weekend and I really pulled back on the pressing for info and ENs from her, and focused on doing nice things for her.
So the weekend went pretty smooth. On some occassions, she asked if I was ok, like she was wondering what was on my mind regarding the "relationship" and so forth, and I accomodated by focusing on the things I need to change. I mean, after all, just two days before she was saying "I can't do this anymore" and "I don't think I love you" and so on. So I didn't squeeze with any "we need to be more honest in our communications" or "what are you going to do about him?" talk. Just on the things I was doing to make me a better guy.
That seemed to help. I guess it took the spotlight off her a bit or something.
But, I worry. She said she wants everything to be "normal" again. Uh, sorry honey, Normal left on a downtown train to Sneaky AffairVille. Normal is now what Mr. Bush refers to as "the New Normal." It's like Normal, only less calories and less fattening!
But, no, didn't say that. Kept it to myself.
And she's reciprocating with I love yous and even tossing out her own without provocation. Some hand holding, some hugs, etc. Kissing goodnight. Blah blah blah. You get the drift.
Oh but that wall she has up there. I get the feeling that one will timed "You seem worried. What is it?" would just bring the whole thing down again.
So yeah, I'm dealing with all this stuff, and she's following an old pattern: Snap on your smiley face, do your thing, and eventually you end up turning to someone else for comfort. But I'm determined to keep doing the right things. I figure, following SH's plan, I can flood that love bank with tiny deposits until I trigger that overflow of love for poor little suffering me.
Still, a friend of mine offers this little bug in the ointment: What you gonna do for your ENs while you're filling her bank?
Suffer in noble silence? Aaaggghh. Remember, I too have wandered the wrong road. I too have turned to others. Oh that temptation... still, don't think I have it in me anymore. Honestly, I'd rather have a relationship with her than a fake relationship with someone else. Maybe I've been shocked into a new kind of consciousness.
So, fellow sufferers, again I ask: Is all this effort paying off for you? Are your marriages really all that you had faith and hope in? I ask not because I doubt, for I truly want that healthy, happy, fulfilling, crazy-'bout-each-other love, and I hope you folks are finding it. But when you're in the fog, it gets a little fuzzy.
Oh, and talk about more questions than you can probably answer, here's a tough one: I'm military and travel a lot. How do I do that without worrying that my W is running off to boy wonder for a little comfort and closeness? Anyone got the number for a good hypnotist?
