Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,863
C
Chorus Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,863
Does any of this stuff really work? I mean, yeah, I can find some success stories, but by and large, what's the general consensus out there? All of us cuckolds going through all these twists and turns... does it work?

Consider this a vent. Or maybe just my way of standing up and saying "Am I the only nut out here?"
It's been just under two months since D-Day and the three-day weekend came at a good time. We went through our "let's just move past this" honeymoon period right smack dab into a good ol' LB-filled crash and burn, followed by a week of her major league withdrawal and my dashing quickly to the nearest counselor to discover I'm a victim of low self-esteem. Duh. Another couple of days passed as we moved toward the weekend and I really pulled back on the pressing for info and ENs from her, and focused on doing nice things for her.
So the weekend went pretty smooth. On some occassions, she asked if I was ok, like she was wondering what was on my mind regarding the "relationship" and so forth, and I accomodated by focusing on the things I need to change. I mean, after all, just two days before she was saying "I can't do this anymore" and "I don't think I love you" and so on. So I didn't squeeze with any "we need to be more honest in our communications" or "what are you going to do about him?" talk. Just on the things I was doing to make me a better guy.
That seemed to help. I guess it took the spotlight off her a bit or something.
But, I worry. She said she wants everything to be "normal" again. Uh, sorry honey, Normal left on a downtown train to Sneaky AffairVille. Normal is now what Mr. Bush refers to as "the New Normal." It's like Normal, only less calories and less fattening!
But, no, didn't say that. Kept it to myself.
And she's reciprocating with I love yous and even tossing out her own without provocation. Some hand holding, some hugs, etc. Kissing goodnight. Blah blah blah. You get the drift.
Oh but that wall she has up there. I get the feeling that one will timed "You seem worried. What is it?" would just bring the whole thing down again.
So yeah, I'm dealing with all this stuff, and she's following an old pattern: Snap on your smiley face, do your thing, and eventually you end up turning to someone else for comfort. But I'm determined to keep doing the right things. I figure, following SH's plan, I can flood that love bank with tiny deposits until I trigger that overflow of love for poor little suffering me.
Still, a friend of mine offers this little bug in the ointment: What you gonna do for your ENs while you're filling her bank?
Suffer in noble silence? Aaaggghh. Remember, I too have wandered the wrong road. I too have turned to others. Oh that temptation... still, don't think I have it in me anymore. Honestly, I'd rather have a relationship with her than a fake relationship with someone else. Maybe I've been shocked into a new kind of consciousness.

So, fellow sufferers, again I ask: Is all this effort paying off for you? Are your marriages really all that you had faith and hope in? I ask not because I doubt, for I truly want that healthy, happy, fulfilling, crazy-'bout-each-other love, and I hope you folks are finding it. But when you're in the fog, it gets a little fuzzy.

Oh, and talk about more questions than you can probably answer, here's a tough one: I'm military and travel a lot. How do I do that without worrying that my W is running off to boy wonder for a little comfort and closeness? Anyone got the number for a good hypnotist?

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 502
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 502
Don't know if I can help but here it goes.

I am not to the point that my WH will end it with OW or me. WH has cut down contact but I feel he is using OW as a back up plan until he sees what he wants.

I've done the silent martyer mode(my spelling is bad), done the angry wife how could you do this mode, the plan A or so I thought mode. Now I am in the I'm not sure I care but I am obligated to try mode. I kinda am liking this last mode. Although, it is a kind of plan A, the heat is off. I go on his que. If he wants attention I give it. Otherwise I leave him alone. My needs haven't been met in so long I don't really find a difference. By leaving it go more or less I find that I get more attention. I know that doesn't make sense but I do. I just figure when he wants to talk he will. Besides hashing and rehashing is hurtful and only brings up more lies that he can't take back which brings on the guilt which brings on the deflected anger. Pushing does not work.

Our last conversation I made it perfectly clear that if he wanted me he had to give up the "relationship" with OW and that if OW made him happy he should pursue it because life was too short. Make his decission for him not me. I meant that. I do not want to live my life with a man who does not love or respect me. I would rather do without. Thus it prompted my last mode.

So, the wait continues. All I can tell you is all this stuff has helped me see that I am worth so much more and although I had a part to play in the downfall of our marriage, I will come out on top with or without WH. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 191 guests, and 48 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
MillerStock, Mrs Duarte, Prime Rishta, jesse254, Kepler
71,946 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Happening again
by happyheart - 03/08/25 03:01 AM
My spouse is becoming religious
by BrainHurts - 02/20/25 11:51 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,622
Posts2,323,490
Members71,947
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5