How do I get myself out of the rut I am in? I know there are so many things I need to do for myself and my kids. I am trying so hard to stay upbeat and not let this drag me down, but I need to do some things I can't seem to get myself to do. Like get a new job, stop thinking about where this is all leading, take care of my Mom, and a host of other things. I just don't have any desire to do more that just the normal everyday routine. And most of the time I don't even want to do that, the only thing that really keeps me going is that I'm the only parent now to my children.
I have great friends and family support from both IL's and my family. Why doesn't this seem to help? But, even they have there limit as to how many times they can here me question and cry about the same things over and over.
I don't want to be a wimp, but, sometimes I wish I could just curl up in bed and have someone take care of me. I miss having someone to share my life with. And it makes it even harder because I know that WH does have someone to share and go to.
Please help if you have been here (pretty sure you have) and got out of it.

ME 42
WH 43
OW 25 from Romania, worked with H
Married 24 yrs.
3D's 14, 20, 23
1S 12
D-Day Feb 02
Husband moved out of state Jan 02
Now with OP, moved to USA to be with him in Aug.
WH wants divorce

MB cyber hug time!!!

Left hand on right shoulder, right hand on left shoulder.....now squeeze <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You know when this was posted to me last year, I also felt like you are right now. I did it and cried. Really cried. For a brief moment I felt the support of all here at MB. It was a good feeling and I have been able to keep that feeling since. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

ucfw -- I'll try and give you some advice -- something that helped me. First, I went and identified something from each aspect of my life (family, work, friendships) that I had neglected. I made it my goal to do two things in each area: first, really try and meet someone more than half-way (like the sister I don't get along with always or the co-worker that isn't my favorite, or a friendship that had withered due to neglect on my part). Second, I tried to identify things that were out of the norm for me and do them. Things I had put off. Things I had resisted doing for whatever reason.

This accomplished getting my mind off of obsessing about what WH was or wasn't doing with OW AND it made me feel better about myself and my relationships. It's hard at first, but it really does help. Ok, I still cried a lot, but a whole lot less than I had previously.

You are going to have your good days and your bad days. When those bad days hit, I try and do something for somebody else -- even if it's just to ask the grocery check out person how their day is and really mean it or praise somebody at work for something small. We all need to be uplifted from time to time.

UH,

What a great suggestion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It does work and helps keep our personal issues in better perspective.

L.

HI,
Thanks Orchid and Unsure for the hugs and suggestions. I will try. I have just been so down lately, after thinking for a few days that I was making some progress. Not in my M but in life in general. I am just so frightened by all the changes in my life that I was not prepared for.

I know this won't be easy but I won't forgive myself if I don't at least try. I really do try to have hope, but it is seeming more and more hopeless. I have hardly any contact with my H anymore and apparently it is just fine with him.
He is so far away I have NO idea what is going on. Just that she is here and he wants a D.

I will try the suggestions, I do have a lot of opportunities to serve others. Thank goodness. Thanks for your reply, it's nice to know that someone has been there and made it through.

I long for the day when I can say I'm in recovery.
I hope it comes.

Thanks again I really needed the boost
S-

I have been reading a book tonight, and definitely need to take the advice myself. It says to do the following:

1. Make one list of ten things that you like doing because they're fun.

2. Make a second list of ten things that you like doing because you feel good afterwards.

3. Do at least one or two things from each category a day, consciously doing three things a day to care for yourself is a powerful way to guard against depletion.

Examples of (1) would be going to a bookstore, watching your favorite TV show, going to lunch with a friend, doing your nails, etc.

Examples of (2) would be exercise, cleaning house, cleaning out closets to give to Goodwill.

If we don't take care of ourselves first, we will not have the energy or the ability to take care of others. Similiar to needing oxygen masks on an airplane, you must take care of yourself first by putting on your oxygen mask, before you put on the oxygen mask of little baby. They can't take care of you because you did not take care of yourself first.

I saw this as great advice, I was in my own depression this weekend, especially since WH and I had made plans previously to spend the weekend together before he did another 180 on me. EVeryone else had plans and were out of town. What helped me was reading some of my books, and reading more of God's word, letting Him speak to me about my situation and what I needed to do.

G/C
Thanks for the advice, I will do that too. You are so right about the depletion. I am depleated. So sorry to hear about your turn of events, so fast too. This is all so CRAZY. What has happened to these people we loved and shared our lives with? We still love them though. I don't know enough to give any advice, sorry. But know I care. I will pray for you, He knows how we feel, and will help us. I don't think I would be this far without knowing that.
Take care and thanks.
S-