She has refurred to loving me in the past tensed for amost a year now.It took 10months. for her to say she didn't want a big-D.She didn't talk to me for amost 6month after she told me she was in love with OM.He's so precious she keeps every detail close to her heart.she doesn't share anything about it with me. and talk's in her sleep to him (or playing me well)(NOW I"M a bit of an [censored] at times if you push me somewhere I don't want to go) I think I have been waiting for her to come around to the point that I lost my connection to her. I lost my composure and siad "you win and it's over. I do my dutyand satisty her but get none myself. HOW OR what do I do to get it back,or should I try to I'm tiried of having to fight her to love her

I'm sorry, I don't quite know your whole story. I am assuming the affair has ended, but she is still emotionally withdrawn from you?

In order to recover from an affair, both parties have to work on recovering. Have you read this article: Four Rules to Guide Marital Recovery After an Affair ?

If you are having trouble following this plan, I would strongly suggest you two schedule a few sessions with one of the counselors here...they are very good at helping both parties along the recovery path.

Good luck--

Kathi

Hello lastdate
I am new here myself so you will need to get advice off an MC or from the members with more experience.
You have not lost all of your connection to your WW or you wouldn’t be posting here. It does however sound as if you are close to losing your love for her, so please act fast. Browse the MB site, look up WATS guide, Plan A and Plan B, get in touch with the Harleys.
Don’t let the things she says about the OM get to you, she is trying to get a reaction from you. Don’t demand information on OM, don’t fight her or make threats. It will make things worse. Keep being a loving, caring husband and show her that things can be good if let her give you a chance.
If she tries to push you somewhere then look carefully at where she is trying to push you before becoming an “[censored]”. Men do not like being told what to do and will rebel and do the opposite if they feel they are being bossed. If the road down which she is pushing you is the right one then you will make things worse by refusing to budge. If it is the right road tell her that you will do it but that she could have asked you politely rather than pushing you. If you decide upon reflection that it is the wrong road then politely say so.

Keep browsing this site and posting.

She is mad because I'm here.And we went to counseling she made excuses aaas to way she stop the counselor saw me two time and said my wife needed to go to get all the past trash in her life dealt with so may be she could deal with our problens.and I needed to come up with what she had to do to get me happy .The first meeting I said I didn't know what to do or how fix it . the only thing I could thing of was his head on a pike in the front yard HA HA I told the BIG C that I was hereh so we could find some thing to work with or on.byby

It depends on what you want to do. IF you want your marriage to continue, and since you're here I assume you may, then read as much as you can what this site has to offer.

Reclaiming the closeness lost because of the anger, pain, sorrow, lost of trust which the BS must deal with, along with the confusion, mixed signals, and withdrawal that the WW must contend with, does indeed make it a lengthy process.

Your W does need to open up to you, but it's likely that you also need to open up to her. Something that's hard for both of you to do as you're both trying to protect yourself from more pain and anger. We are sometimes caught in a catch-22. To reclaim closeness we must expose our "soft under belly" and we are AFRAID. Fear of what might happen, Fear of the unknown...FEAR.

It's very hard for love to flourish in a state of fear. In fact, it's almost impossible. You've got to be willing to risk the pain and the results which you don't want...to get to healing and the results that you do want.

Good Luck!