Hi,

How are you doing? Hope things are going well with you new office.

Just wanted to give you a little update. My FIL is home from the hospital and appears to be doing well. I stopped at the house on Monday to drop my daughter off. It appeared my W was starting to get the house on order to sell, it looked much cleaner. I noticed she took our wedding pictures down. That shook me up pretty good. Of all the things that need to be done with the house, that didn't seem very important. Maybe they reminded her of happier times or maybe they haunted her. Who knows? I expected to get a call about selling the house, but as of yet she hasn't said anything, in fact she hasn't mentioned it in weeks. Maybe her lawyer advised her against it until after our court date next week to begin the financial settlement, but I don't know what difference that would make. Maybe she's just not sure. The pace at which she's proceeding with this is so baffling. Ten months and counting. We could have been divorced 3 times by now. I have still not sent my plan B letter. I was going to wait until she brought up selling the house and make one last try to talk to her about any possible way we can avoid the D (per Steve's recommendation). I don't know how much longer I can put this off. I want to send the letter so she is clear that I want and believe in our marriage but cannot be a part of her life if she doesn't. I want her to know the reason I've been so detached since I moved out is NOT because I've given up but to protect myself from being hurt any hurther. Any advice???

sad dad

<small>[ September 05, 2002, 10:02 AM: Message edited by: sad dad ]</small>

Do it...send the letter. Dad's out of the woods...she's obviously attempting to move on...you have every right to define your boundries and protect yourself emotionally. It will take a huge load off of you. I'm sure her taking down the wedding pictures is her just trying to do what she believes it will take to move on. The fact that it is a struggle for her may mean she's unsure, but it also could mean she's just lazy and not wanting to take responsibility. If you sit around and wait to do everything by her timetable you could suffer emotionally for a very very long time. Take care of yourself and your daughter and let her to figure out her own path.

h4f,

I spoke too soon. My called today about the house. I'll be stopping by in the next few days to give her the "house" paperwork and ask her one last time if she's sure this is what she wants and if there's anything we can do to avoid this. I want her to be sure that this is not what I want. I'll open the door and give her the chance to close it. Assuming she does, it's onto plan B.
I'll keep you updated. Thanks!

sad dad

good luck, sad dad
keep us up to speed

h4f,

My W is supposed to stop over tomorrow. I plan on giving her the house paperwork, but before that I will have my last "talk" with her. She told me today that her father is not doing so well. His heart isn't beating regularly, the medication isn't helping and he won't go back in the hospital to have it shocked again, so who knows what will happen. As much as I hate to do it, I can't let this stop me from going to plan B. His condition could drag out for months. I'll let you know how our talk goes.

sad dad

Yup, as unfortunate as the timeing is...you've tried to be there for her and she still seems hell bent on keeping that wall up. It's time to take care of you. I doubt that she'll open up or change her mind at this point...but there is still a possibility that in time she might pull her head out. Anyway...good luck and we'll be hoping for you!

h4f,

My W stopped tonight after work to pick up our daughter. I had my "talk" with her, which amounted to a few sentences.

me: "I just want you to know that I haven't given up on us. Is there anything you can think of that we could do that might give us a chance to save our marriage?"

ws: "Not that I can think of."

That was pretty much it. I gave her the paperwork for the house. It was very late, she was double parked and I'm sure I caught her off guard, but at least she knows I haven't given up. Pretty much the response I expected. I'll spend the next day or so hand writing my plan B letter and send it Monday or Tuesday. It may piss her off, but she'll know without question how I feel, what I want and why I can't be a part of her life as things are. The ball will be in her court. If nothing else, hopefully she'll respect the boundaries I've drawn and I can begin to move on.

sad dad

And that is all you can do....now you can concentrate on getting back a life for you and your daughter. If your wife continues leaning on you like a husband, you can restate your boundries. She'll either get it or get mad. I see a lot of WS's use the "I thought we could atleast be friends for the sake of our child" or "can't you even be civil" type guise whenever any kind of boundry is placed on them. Ignore anything like that...it's nothing personal...just ignorance spilling forth.

hf4

"....now you can concentrate on getting back a life for you and your daughter."

This exactly what I intend to do and I wouldn't be surprised if she pulls the old "friends" crap on me. Right now I cannot be friend as long as I feel the way I do. It's not enough for me and will only prolong my pain. Somewhere down the line maybe we can be friends, but not as long as I still want her as my W and not until she takes some responsibility for her actions and her role in the demise of our marriage. Based on the last two years, she's not the kind of person I'd want as a friend. Thanks!!!

sad dad

P.S. BTW, I talked to my lawyer today. The court date we have tomorrow is for status, which is scheduled by the courts so they know where the case stands.

<small>[ September 08, 2002, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: sad dad ]</small>