Here's your link to your thread:
wish I knew what was ahead for me willingtowait,
First let me tell you I did an 18 month Plan A throught the first 6 separations, so 3 months doesn't seem long to me, though I recall it feels like an eternity. And, with 14 out of 21 months separated, my H's long A with a co-worker, we reconciled in 5/00.
If you give the ultimatum your counselor advises, be prepared financially, emotionally for the separation, at this point of an on-going affair, he may not choose you. And, with the OW being a co-worker, even if he chooses your marriage, he still has contact with her, and unless he is VERY determined, despite his intentions, with that contact, the A is likely to continue or resume.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Sorry, I know that isn't encouraging, but the co-worker thing, or any ongoing contact, is a very difficult situation.
From my experience, separation, though not necessarily leading to a divorce, is one step closer. When the household is not the same, communication becomes more sporadic, less reliable. And, the WS inevitably spends more time with the OP.
I did find 2 positives in separation.
1) the household tension was less. I questioned less. I didn't know when he was out that he was with her.
2) I found Plan A easier (which wouldn't be a benefit for you since you'd be going to Plan B). I lovebusted a lot less when I only spoke to him on the phone or for a couple hours if he was over seeing the kids. After work through evening through morning was much more difficult to not lovebust.
Your counselor's advice is like a lot of counselor's advice, also goes along with Dobson's LOVE MUST BE TOUGH. If your H chooses the OW, then he's out there, facing the reality of his affair, facing the reality of the OW, facing the consequences to his kids, losing the family life, learning about visitation, child support.
The main problem I see with demanding his choice, is if he chooses you, you have forced him to give his "love" up, you'll be dealing with his withdrawal and/or continued contact, his "what if". If he was willing to give her up easily, he would have done so upon discovery. So, then, if the A continues, you have the next ultimatum or follow through with him leaving.
He may choose to end the A, or leave you, on his own. Then at least, it is his own decision and there is far less he can blame you for.
But...that choice between you and the affair does have to come sometime. You really are the only one to determine if that time is now and if you are the one that should force the decision.
