Zoatra,
I can totally relate to what you mean by "shock". How I found out my H's A was when I found their pictures by accident. I could not believe my own eyes -- thought it was one of his ex-gf that he never told me about or something. Then I saw the date of the postmark, realized it was current and real. It DID knocked me down on my knees, I started to really shake -- my whole body. Could not breathe. I still feel phsycically similar almost every time he walks out the door -- my whole body shakes. My H thinks I am BSing or thinks I am crazy. Wish I could take some anti-anxiety medicine or something, but I cannot since I am still breastfeeding. So, I do some mental excercise and deep breatheing.

I myself gave a deadline of 3-months for myself. For the same reason -- I could not take status quo any longer. I told my H that if I am not better and if we are not in a better place 3 months from now, let's quit. He told me not to put so much pressure on myself, but I needed some timeline for myself. I am happy for you that your H is really taking it seriously now. Give it a chance. I trully believe that there is a way to lessen our shock. Time is probably the most crucial thing that would help us.

Melody -

I understand a little of what you feel. I also feel like I was tricked into marrying him under false pretenses. It is so hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it. It makes the entire marriage simply an illusion - it never existed.
Sometimes I think that the only thing I haven't had to go through this past year is the death of a child. I can't imagine how you are handling things.

Push -
My H also thought the shakes were a show or just me bs'ing too. At first. But when he finally realized I couldn't control it, and they just start up sometimes and my hands tremble in a conversation or my legs start to shake, or in the middle of a fight I just go curl up in a fetal ball and put my head under the pillow for hours - or when I cry like wounded animal - finally he sees, I truly am just trying to escape from the pain. But there's no escape. I often picture that a nice clean white room in a hospital would be a place to hide where no one could hurt me anymore.