Well, I dont' really have time 2 post this, but I will anyway:

Yesterday, had "last" IC session at work. She says I'm doing fine, and I think I am. Know what my options are, and optimisitc about the future and all that.

Then, this am: Got a great night's sleep (it was cooler!). W got one 2. Said nice stuff and held hands while waking up this am.

Then she opens a letter from the lawn guy, asking to be paid for the past 2 weeks. Well, she exploded and threw mail all over the living room. Sure, she pinned the checks on the door each time like always, and he simply didn't pick them up - so he was being unecessarily rude in his letter, but I was amazed by the sudden explosive reaction.

I just sat here and tried 2 concentrate on my presentation for 2day.

Do I really want 2 repair this M? I sometimes wonder... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ September 09, 2002, 10:10 AM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

Oh 2long, don't let this get you down. Concentrate on the good morning you two had together. The holding hands and the good you felt between the two of you.

We all have our bad moments. I have the same problem as your wife. I explode over little things sometimes. It's very frustrating for my DH and he gets embarressed if we are out and I do it.

We don't mean to do it, and we certainly don't mean to make you feel uneasy when we do. The thing is there is just this overwhelming feeling that comes over you. It's like you are faced with a problem that you don't want to handle at that moment or don't know how to approach it. You get this rush of anxiety and stress that overcomes you and the only way you know how to react is to blow up.

Don't let this dampen your day. Your W will calm down and find a much more rationale way to deal with it. Maybe you can offer to deal with it for her. In any event, try to let her know you are sorry it upset her so much and if there is anything you can do to help her with the situation to let you know. This will help relieve some of the anxiety she may be feeling.

Hope this helps. I know all to well how it feels to freak over nothing. Try to be patient and don't give up over this. It is something she can remedy, I am. It just takes time. I wish you the best. Take care my friend.

2L;

That outburts has nothing to do with you, your love, or your M. It has to do with her, and her need to process and heal. When people have pent-up frustrations, issues, like she knows she does, the smallest unrelated things can trigger an outburst. That is her way of venting without venting at you, or about you, or the M.

This might even be a GOOD sign; she is subconsciously aware of her frustration/guilt/whatever, but she now knows it's not about YOU, it's about HER, so she directs her anger at a neutral third party; the lawn guy! (poor guy!)

This should be a positive sign for you, not a motive to question your M and your W.

Prin:

I know. It's really not something 2 make or break our M over.

But then I got curious and started up her laptop. Went 2 the history in IE and see that she's still accessing her hotmail acct about every other day, even now. And remember, she told me that she created that account solely for communicating with Rat Meat, so what else can this mean?

I will remain calm. This isn't entirely unexpected. Only thing is that she doesn't tell me what's said, or that anything IS sent back and forth, but the history shows that there were received messsages and sent messages in the past week.

At some point, I'll have 2 break my silence and ask her what her plans are now re Rat Meat. Like I told my IC yesterday, I'm most interested in her happiness. If Rat Meat is necessary for that, then I'm gone. Period. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

"Period. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> "

Speaking of period .... go read my response to unsureheart .... and ponder the stars in the universe.

Hugs

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

2Long and Pepper -

Man, I'm am laughing up a storm over here. When I first read your post, 2Long..the very first thought that came to my mind was..."I wonder if she is PMS'ing..."

That sounds exactly like me during that "time of the month"...and to Pepper's point that she tried to stress in her reply to Unsureheart...no, you CANNOT ask her if it is her TOM, ok? It's for your own safety gentlemen..we are serious.

I'm not sure what age your wife is so if the TOM is no longer an issue, you also have to consider that women have other hormonal fluctuations later in life due to other issues.

Regarding the hotmail account, I hesitate to say much there because things have been going so well for you. I know your W and 'Ratmeat' have been working on some kind of paper together but I was unclear as to whether they actually worked together..and could/should be using a work based email system instead in case of truly valid reasons to communicate. We all know WS's love hotmail because of the anonymity and the fact that messages are stored on hotmail's many servers and not on the local client machines. After D-day, I let my hotmail account expire. If you don't use it for 30 days, it expires. Now granted, I could always start up another one or use yahoo but for my H's sake, I ended the use of all anonymous email unless it is an account we share or is my work email. The OM does not have my work email address.

I hope your day goes better. I have to run to my daughter's school now...the email thing will need to be addressed at some point, I think...maybe the other BS's can give you a better opinion on this issue than me. If the A is in the dying stages (can't remember whether you have posted previously that she is stating it is 'over' or not)...I wonder if bringing up the email issue will push her towards him again or not...I'm sorry, I just talked a circle here. I'll check in with you later.

Regards,

YR

Pep and YR:

Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pit Bull?

A: Nothing!

I wish it were that simple. I think it's possible that that's why she flew off the handle about the lawn bill, but I also thought it was rather extreme even factoring PMS into it. All that, plus I have been figuring that she still talks 2 him or she'd be so proud of herself that she'd tell me she's stopped and she hasn't. So, it seems all 2 likely that she's simply assuming that she can keep up this secret second life of hers because we're getting along so well and I won't care. Well, I do care. I care that the lies will continue, that is. I don't care 2 stay M'd 2 her under those conditions any longer. Like you said about your own sitch, Pepper: I love her, but I am very rapidly losing respect for her because of this.

I won't live like the past 12 years. No possible way. Not for anybody.

She just left me a voice mail message when I was in a meeting, saying that she's calmed down and realized that she probably already sent the bill 2 the lawn guy and forgot about it (she was tossing the mail looking for it).

So, who knows. The flying mail incident isn't what's bothering me. The continued f***ing contact with Rat Meat is.

Right now, I don't give a flying, f***ing dog$h!t. I've got 2 get back 2 work on my presentation.

Dear 2long,

I wish I had some words of wisdome for you. Your words have helped me. The best I can say is that I agree with the others. Her outburst has nothing to do with you. She is dealing with a lot right now. Yes, I know she brought it on herself, but that deosn't dismiss the fact that she has many issues going on inside her head.

Don't be so quick to jump to any decisions just yet. Although, I would address the issue of her recent e-mails. She should not be defensive is she has nothing to hide. I remember my husband was always very defensive when he was hiding things from me. She must know that the trust has been broken and that she owes you answers anytime you you need them. Personally, I would ask to see her e-mails. If she has nothing to hide, she will share them and anything else with you. I wish you the best. Take care.

Marie:

I'm sorry 2 all for getting so upset over this. It's just 2 frustrating, that's all. I'm not supposed 2 ask for NC until Steve's had a chance 2 talk 2 her, and I've been so busy with work the past month that I haven't finished a homework assignment from him and scheduled another session. So, my fault there, so I shouldn't complain. If I bring up the email, it'll be a LB - the first in over a month. I'd better not. It's just frustrating.

All:

Oh Que. Ol' 2long's calmed his sorry a$$ down now. I called my W back and wished her a happy rest of the day. Seems things are going better at work 2day, so she's calmed down about the bill.

I'll try 2 stop worrying about the contact, at least until I do my homework assignment and get further instructions from SH.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

2long, your frustration is understandable. Remember, as long as your aren't doing anything differently, she certainly has no motivation to change her lifestyle either. Make the time to do the homework and get things moving...and if you can't, drop the expectations that anything will be different. It won't be until something changes.

Again ....

2Long .... ponder the stars and wonder at the beauty of the universe. Breathe in the wonderment and feel the awe as if you were still a child.

BTW ... do you know when the observatory restoration going to be finished?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> double post

<small>[ September 06, 2002, 01:12 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

h4f:

You're absolutely right. I can't expect change without doing that homework and getting us back in2 Cing.

Pep:

"2Long .... ponder the stars and wonder at the beauty of the universe."

Okay, but I'm more of a planetary man (sung to the tune of "solitary man" by Diamond). Stars are "deep space". Ol' 2long don't "do" deep space! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

"Breathe in the wonderment and feel the awe as if you were still a child."

You don't know me all that well, do you? I AM still a child!!

"BTW ... do you know when the observatory restoration going to be finished?"

I was told it was going to take 3 yrs.

Didn't you mention to me one time that you have a "house" web site to share with me?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Pepper:

I emailed you the website

2long,
I don't mean to say that taking that job and selling your home and leaving is the right thing, I just mean that you shouldn't worry about it, if that's what you decide to do.

You are pretty good at looking at all your options and making a good choice. I was just saying you should pick what looks best, and go for it without trying to 2nd guess your motive.

Gosh, you look like you are doing really well. Keep it up.

SS

Holy Smokes ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

SS:

Thanks again. I feel pretty good these days, 2. I am dis2rbed by the "discovery" that contact continues, but I really didn't expect that NOT 2 be the case, really. Just hoped it wasn't. And just lost a herd of respect units for my W in the process.

I really am mulling over the possible offer and move still. Felt kind of lonely when I was there for the interview, mainly knowing that DV would be one of the possible precursors 2 me going there. And that put a damper on an otherwise beautiful couple of days. It truly is beautiful up there, with lots of my favorite haunts within driving distance...