Hi all,

Haven't posted in awhile but this is going to be a MAJOR VENT!

Yesterday I got a videotape of my WW and OM in the mail. They were having sex and enjoying it. They were doing things my W and I had never done. When they finished they flipped the camera the bird. I guess at me.

I guess this isn't going to be a vent after all, I don't have the energy. I burned all the wedding pictures last night ,got really drunk and didn't go to work today.

I was so tempted to call WW, but didn't. I was too shaken.

To top it off I have no idea who sent this foul tape to me.

It was postmarked from a city neither of them live in, but is in our state.

I'm tempted to send it to ww's mother but she would probably approve of her daughter's actions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well, I've known WW was with OM since January, now I get to see it. Great! Once the knife is in the back just twist it.

I've been dragging my feet re:divorce, now I'm burying my feet in three feet of sand. I do NOT want her back! But she left, she was cheating and I think this is a ploy to make me divorce her so she doesn't have to look bad or pay the expenses. Am I right? Or is this just a sick joke?

Sorry, I'm just very angry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I'm sorry you had to see that tape. Those images will be difficult to get out of your head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I would say that the positive side to you having this tape is that it is definite proof of your W's adultrous behaviour. And I would imagine that tape would hold up in court as sound reason for wanting a D. Depending on the laws in your state, it could mean not having to wait a certain length of time before filing. (here in Ontario, we must wait for one full year of separation before filing for a D. The only way to get it sooner is to prove that there was either physical or emotional abuse, or adultery). You've also got this tape to do with as you wish. The only thing I suggest you NOT do with it for the time being is to burn it. You may want it at a later date for proof.

Please don't make any decisions on whether or not you want to try to MB based on your emotions right now. Give yourself some time (a few days or weeks?) before making any decisions regarding your M.

Karen

Getting better - I am so sorry I just had to reply - How could someone send you something like that... Those thoughts alone without having to actually see them are enough to drive a sane person crazy but to have actually seen them - I don't know what to say... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> !!! Very sad - I would think that maybe it came from the Other Man or maybe even the two of them together - Why should you have to pay for the divorce??? I mean if you file and you get a lawyer she will also have to get a lawyer - If she left you then she abandoned the marriage and you have the upper hand... My state is a no fault state so they do not care if someone cheated - they just basically want you to have everything ironed out before you get to court so you do not have to go to trial... We have no waiting period - you get a court date, then maybe one more court date depending if there are any problems - then there is a 30 day waiting period and then you are divorced though you cannot get married for 120 days... Good Luck...

I am sorry for your pain. You must of course keep the tape for possible legal ramifications.
It is clear that you must move on with your life.
There is no point wasting your life and your energy on someone like this. You deserve better.
What a very sick thing for them to do to you.

Getting Better,
Just wanted to say I am so sorry for what you are going through. If your WW had anything to do with that tape being sent to you she is obviously a cold-hearted b*#ch that you'll be better off without in the long run. I know that doesn't do much to ease the pain you are feeling now. It is painful for all of us BS's but to have it on tape is unimaginable. Please do yourself a favor and don't torture yourself by watching the tape again and again. However, don't destroy it. It may just come in handy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Good luck to you friend. You'll be in my thoughts & prayers. Keep posting here and let us know of any new developments.

Thanks all,

It's funny, in a sad way. I haven't seen her face for nine months. Have honored her every request since we separated except for divorce. Now this.

I am trashing the tape. There is no way I could ever show it to anyone else nor will I watch it again. It is very humiliating.

I would like to feel I have a shred of manhood left in me.

Thanks Again

Someone sent me emails that the STBX & OW sent each other at the beginning of their A. Now the A started over 3 1/2 yrs ago & I actually read them when I was looking for proff of STBX having a PA. The emails for the most part were very graphic & some very hurtful about me. I just skimmed them, thinking their might be something I could use in the D when I saw there was not I put them away.

STBX was out of the country when I recieved them, & emails during this time he had expressed some regrets (not about coming back but leaving OW due to some issues, not that he doesn't love her). I thought OW was reading his email & sent me the old emails to maybe hurry up our D. I gave them to STBX, he wasn't happy, he swore OW didn't send them, he seem to think it was OWs X, they don't have a very good relationship.

I just know who ever sent them for whatever reason must be sick. There was no reason except to hurt me & I let it be know, they had no power over me.

What a nasty, heartless and childish thing for someone to do!! No excuse for that, none at all. I'm so sorry you have to go through that. I know you are hurting and your pride/"manhood" is shredded but, please, please hang onto the tape. Don't destroy it, you may need it later. Put it in a safe deposit box or entrust it to a trusted friend, get it out of the house but, still readily available should you need it.

g_b, please don't destroy the tape.

I would put it up on the internet for everyone to see if it were me. Make copies and send to her and his work.

I have never heard of anything quite this cruel before. You are so much better off without her.

ST

Sad Tiger!
My interest is piqued!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> The tape could go up on the internet by selling to a porn site. That way GB would at least get some minor compensation for his stress and grief. I mean if you are going to 'put it out there' then be prepared for what happens with it!!! LOL

Yes, I'm joking...but, figured that this case was so heartless that maybe I'd try to make GB smile even a little smile! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mike: How awful for you. That is one of the cruelest things I have heard on these boards. I can't imagine how I would feel if that happened to me.

As hard as it is, don't destroy the tape. Put it in a safe deposit box or give it to a trusted friend to hold. Then go find a lawyer and get started on the divorce. I don't know your story but it sounds like it is time for you to move on with your life and put that awful person behind you. You deserve much better.

GB;
Clearly one of the most heartless, despicable acts anyone could inflict on you. I guess the first conclusion is that you must leave her for good. If you don't want to file, don't do it. Do it only if/whan you HAVE to, or let her do it.

Clearly, they knew this was being recorded, otherwise, why would they "flip" the camera?
If that is true, then they must have meant the tape as something to "use" for their purposes rather than as a memento for themselves. So only they, or someone close enough to them who could have access to the tape, could have sent it to you.

That being said, I almost feel they deserve the tape to be distributed; at least to their families. No mother, no matter how supportive, will enjoy seeing that!

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely do not destroy it, I can't blame you one bit for being angry, that is just cruel. This tape could be utilized: Pain and suffering,Harassment, etc.

This has set me back a thousand years. I was just getting used to being without her and I get this present. Godammit!

I truly don't think she sent it, but then again the way they looked at the camera was in a mocking way.

Well, I don't know what to think. I'm really mixed up all over again.

It's Friday evening so I'm going to force myself to get out of the house for a bit. I will just go sit by a pond or something.

I cried so hard today my damn nose started to bleed. This sucks.

I apologize for laying my troubles on you all.

I am sorry to hear this. I would not destroy this tape, but I would not keep it around. I would find someone you trust or a safe deposit box and stash it for who knows what later. I bet it just might be a wonderful bargining chip in a divorce (sorry). By keeping it close would be too tempting to watch it and that does nothing but hurt you.

I do like the idea of posting it on the internet as revenge, but life is all about Karma. (I belive) The moment you do that you set yourself up for something bad. Put only good out in to the world and it will come back to you. She will get hers in time. Just wait, you will see.

I do remember a humorous story of a couple that was to be married. The H found out that his soon to be bride was having an A with his best man for some time. Knowing this he still went through withthe wedding. In the middle of the wedding he stopped the ceremony and turned to the guests and told them that there was a special gift attached to the bottom of thier chairs from the himself and his soon to be bride. All the guests reached under the chairs and pulled out manilla envelopes. Inside of those envelopes were pictures of the bride and the best man in the "throws" of passion. You see the groom had hired a PI to take the pictures of them.

Hows that for a revenge story...?

Thought that might help put a smile on your face.

Good luck to you!

Madnav

getting better,

That's just plain cruel.

I'd keep the tape for the D-court and I'd go there quicker than light speed. If you're WS sent the tape then she's one sick puppy. If somebody else sent you the tape then they're also sick but they did you a favour.

Move on with your life and hope your W get's one.

Good luck,

- Freddy.

GB -

My heart aches for you. That video did not seem, IMHO, to be intended as someone else says 'for their own enjoyment...flipping the bird at the camera was intended to throw what they just did in the face of someone. I would assume, as you have, that that 'someone' is you. It was a cruel barbaric act. I can only think of 2 people who would have easy access to the tape, your W..or the OM. I hope for your sake that the OM sent it without her knowledge..and this is probably what she may try to tell you...but then why would she have participated in the 'flipping the bird' session?

Please, please, please...do not destroy that tape. As others have said, give it to someone else (a trusted person) to hold for you or put it in a deposit box somewhere. They must have been counting on the fact that you would keep the tape quiet and either destroy it...or never bring it up..because sending that tape to you was a stupid idea on more than one level, and I don't mean because of the cruelty of the act...it was stupid from a legal standpoint. Also, like what has been suggested here...how do they know you won't show it to family and friends...her or his employer..my gosh...they are nuts!

I wish you would go somewhere with some friends....or to an event that interests you. The image of you sitting by yourself next to a pond makes me sad because I'm worried you will do nothing but think about this...it would be hard to think of anything else. Let us know how you are doing..your 'online family' will be thinking of you.

Sorry for your hurt,

YellowRose

Thanks Everyone,
I didn't destroy the tape and I have calmed down.
A bit at least.
I did go to the pond and it helped a lot except I got bit by some mosquitos. Maybe I have the "West Nile Virus"
Bad attempt at humor, sorry.
W and I used to fish at this pond so I had to go there.
My wedding band now lies on the floor of this pond, never to be found again.

I won't be back.

Laurie, I still love you. But I am moving on.

GB:

You are a survivor! Never forget that.

Hey,
Glad to hear you're feeling a little better and you didn't destroy the tape. I have to agree with 2Long, time to move on. Post here often, okay just so we know you're okay. I'm concerned about you!!!