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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 215
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 215 |
I find myself feeling like I can't move forward with W.I've been lied to so many times about contact with OM AND lied to about her feelings toward me and him that I feel trust is all gone. She APPEARS to be trying to make things better BUT she did this before to cover up the past contacts. She says she loves me BUT...she also told me last year that she told OM that she loved me and then SLEPT with him...told him she loved him DURING the act...then told him she loved me AFTER the act...then slept with him AGAIN!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> How can I trust a woman that has lied about virtually EVERYTHING <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457 |
It is just my opinion but in many cases the words I love you have absolutely no meaning because for many people it is just merely words.
Look at what people do rather than what they say.
Ask yourself this question: What you know today about your wife, would you wish to marry her again? I think it is very difficult to love someone if down deep you have absolutely no respect for them. Only you know how long you wish to be with someone who wishes to play games with your heart and mind. I hope you both get help.
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 180
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 180 |
consider honor instead of love, for now, anyway. Read Gary Smalley's 'Love is a decision'.
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 215
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 215 |
Bryanp-
In answer to the question you ask...the answer is no. But she has said the same for me before...but has recanted. I think I also feel OBLIGATED and guilty about my past indescretions. I also know that staying married out of obligation or guilt was part of my problem and caused me to 'go elsewhere'.
Since I have experienced the hurt I have inflicted (repeatedly) I don't feel like recovery is coming or progressing anymore. I will discuss this with my MC on Monday to get closer to resolution.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 445
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 445 |
Doogie,
Have you considered moving away from the area? Obviously with your wife. Is that a possibility for you?
MB prescribes the rule of 'no contact' and in my experience this is one of the things that you both need in order for the re-building to start and have a fair chance to work. However, the A is also like a drug and the people having the A need their fix. It's damned hard for them to break the habit. If your W isn't strong enough to resist hers then you may need to help her with stronger medicine.
I'm sure you've considered this but just thought I'd add weight to your argument.
- Freddy.
<small>[ September 06, 2002, 03:45 PM: Message edited by: Freddy ]</small>
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 215
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 215 |
Freddy-
I told my W that I will not tolerate a D-Day #7. That is her UNLUCKY number. I have offered support all along and I have had no contact for 1 year. She needs to take control herself or she will never be strong enough. She realizes this so I will wait and see for now.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 445
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 445 |
Hey Doogie,
Truth is, some people in some situations can't take control of themselves. Call it weakness if you like but some people just need plain, good old fashioned help. Just like an alco can't keep off the bottle some WS's can't keep their hands off the OP's.
You want her, you gotta fight. Otherwise, leave now cos from what you describe #7 will come just as sure as morning will.
- Freddy.
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