I'm somewhat new here and written a only a few posts. To give a brief history, problems began 3 yrs ago. 11 months ago confronted H about affair. Got soooooo many of different stories. Told me about W#1 (co-worker), W#2(fantasized), W#3 (fantasized), W#4 (fantasizeD). Told me W#1 was smoke screen for woman #2. Confronted about woman #1 a few days ago because my gut feelings were bothering me. Now says W#1(co-worker) H wanted. Told me about someone about 1 year ago and about something happening at the office, turns out to be W#1. When I asked why he brought her up then, he said "so I wouldn't get suspicous but nothing ever happened". If that was so then why would I get suspicous? Of what? He said he felt guilty about wanting her. We went to a function about a year ago from his company and I have never seen H so jumpy. Nothing happened but jumpy? H is SA. This is the only woman he felt guilty about. Hm! Why? Maybe its because the others were fantasies and this one wasn't?

I need to build my marriage on a solid foundation and in order to do so I need all the ugly truths. His story still changes and there are alot of "I don't knows and I don't remembers". I've had about enough. I keep trying to hang on but I can't keep riding this roller coaster. I would appreciate any input anyone can give me.

Educate yourself about infidelity...this site is a good place to start. One of the best books I've read so far is called 'After the Affair' by Janis Springs Abram. It is excellent! Leave the book lying around...I'll bet your WH will pick it up and read a bit out of curiosity. If you are lucky he'll read it cover to cover. Keep posting here, I've gotten alot of excellent advice here!
Finally, if you aren't in counselling then do so, even if it's only you. MC and IC made all the difference in the world for me. Hope that helps!

Only you can decide what it is that you want to do. Whatever that decision is, it involves healing from the onslaught of an A. That's what MB is here for. To help ourselves and others heal.

As far as the "I don't know" and "I don't remember" lines you get... they are probably the truth. We BS's tend to think of physical questions as opposed to emotional questions. The A's are based on Emotional Needs being met. The WS and OP don't care where and when they are together, just as long as they are together to acheive that "feeling".

Before throwing in the towel, perhaps you could try to reword your questions to your H so that they are more along the lines of "how did you feel" as opposed to "what did you do". See the difference? Be sure to gently remind him that in order to move forward it is an absolute must that you get through this 'questions' phase. Assure him that over time (a few weeks to a few months), as long as he continues to answer to the best of his knowledge and TRUTHFULLY, that the questions will become fewer and farther inbetween.

What stage is your H at? Is he still seeing the OW?

Karen