I got back from my deployment last night and things are OK. This morning I was using the bathroom when I saw some paper torn up and thrown in the garbage. I took it out and it was a love spell to make some one love you. I few months ago I found spell books and confronted her, She said she isn't doing spells (of course not) that she was just curious. Now I find that spell and candles in the bathroom with notches in it. So I look in her drawer and find a picture of OM and WW clipped together. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
How can I want to be with her if she is so desperate to be with someone who doesn't love her? I CANNOT DO THIS ANY MORE! I DON'T WANT TO! I love her very much but this is just not fare! I found other things that make me believe she is planning other trips to be with him. She has put us so far behind with our bills, but she can find money to pay someone to put a spell on him! How can I be supportive, knowing there is alternative motives for her trips and expenses?
She has been nice to me, no LB's at all. This morning she even lay by my side and held me. What is going on? Are these notes old? Is it a setup? I don't know if these things were left in sight to see if I was checking on her or if she just didn't think I would find them.
I want to confront her about it, but think maybe not yet. I also want to just ask what she is feeling for this guy. If she still thinks she loves him or if she has given up. Is that a good idea? Or should I not bring him up and act like the strong happy guy she married?
I am so lost right now, I want to runnnnn as far as I can, but don't want to ruin anything that has been built back up.

Ohh. I also found a tape that she had done about her Astro sign. This guy read her chart over the phone. What kills me on this is she had my chart and OM chart briefly read. She told this guy that we are separated or separating. This guy made me sound like a loser and this other kid (I call him kid because he is 10 years younger than her) sound like a real sweetheart. Makes me want to call this guy or email him and let him have it! I don't even know if he knows she is still
married.
Lost again.
CD

Unbelievable!

Sounds familiar, less the spell thing. With my WW, now ex-OM (#2) fell "out of love" with her over the last few months, and now she's still left with her feelings and nowhere to place them. So where does she turn? You'd think me, right? After such a long, splendid Plan A? No... another OM. Another OM who sort-of looks like the ex-OM (Asian). Huh. You'd think she'd have learnt something by now.

And yes, my WW has been quite nice to me recently also. Was saying all sorts of positive things. Now, it's obvious what she was up to.

It comes down to what's your plan? Did you tell yourself you'd stay in Plan A for a certain amount of time? Do you feel it truly is impossible to continue in it? Trust me... Plan B hurts, but it'll get better with time.

CD,
She is so deep in the fog and it will take time to lead her out. Don't confront her, show her that you are awsome, give her a good example of what she has to loose. I don't have time right now but I will try to get back to you later tonight.
SH

JMHO, but I would immediately give the boot to a woman who was into witchcraft, astrology or 'psychics.' That sort of thing is completely unwelcome in my house. I would have no hesitation nor regret for dumping her either.

ST

Oh no!!!
She caught me with a note I found and now she’s says she’s tired of this and wants to separate. I asked if she wanted to be with OM she said no. I say LIAR! She said the spell thing was from a while ago she isn't doing that anymore. I say LAIR! I didn't say that to her, I kept calm and don't think I did any LBing. Told her that I wanted to know because I loved her and wanted to be here to help and support her. She just said she didn't want me here. Did I really mess this up? I told her that if she wanted to separate that it’s ok with me and I would help her find an apartment. Bad thing to say! Now she thinks I'm trying to punish her by kicking her out of the house and away from the kids. Well, even if that was the case, didn't she choose what she wanted when she had her A?
Doesn’t matter, I don't want to separate. Don't know what to do now. Any ideas?
CD

Your W has been caught by surprise. You found out some things that you weren't supposed to. She's embarrassed (and perhaps ashamed too?). And the easiest way for her to deal with it is to shift the blame on you.

I suggest you lay low for the next few days. Be sure to tell her that you spoke out of anger, and really don't want her to leave because you love her. Then in another week from now, do something out of the ordinary for her, just to replace some of those love bank units. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Karen

bump

You asked if YOU messed this up... NO!!!

Don't be silly, you only have control over yourself. No LB's in this situation, wow! Good job, that must have been difficult, but you did it somehow.

I was just on the site today reading about Plan A, and you may want to go back and re-read. There are some very fine points that are VERY important. About the goals of plan a, etc. And even though I had gone over, reading again after being on the forum a couple of weeks, sounded different.

And, that's why I'm impressed.... Dr. H said the goal is not to be a doormat, but to put yourself in the best possible light, and make yourself as atractive to W as you can. (among other stuff....)

So, hope you're okay and that this'll bump it up for someone with more experience to help you....

-bbs

Hi Citydweller,
Topie's advice is exactly what I was thinking when I read your post! I think she is right on target! How long has your wife been into "spells"? Is this something new for her?
BH