A quick simple question. Is saying "I love you" to WS an LB. WS is suffering because she says she is doing something she was brought up to believe is wrong. When I say I love her I mean it, but she says it is giving her stress.

<small>[ December 18, 2002, 04:50 PM: Message edited by: MurphySLaw ]</small>

I had the same question. Someone told me this "Do what God puts on your heart". I just believe they need to know we still love them no matter the circumstance.

I think of the story in the bible of hosea. He loved his wife through many affairs and no matter the circumstance. God told him to not give up.

Love in Christ
cajunky

<small>[ September 07, 2002, 02:23 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

Your wife's conscience is givng her stress .... not your ILY words.

Stress (from her conscience) is good for her right now .... keep it up!

YOU be real, YOU be honest, YOU be kind .... if that stresses her out , so be it!

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ September 07, 2002, 03:23 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Thank you Cajunky and Pepper.
I believe she knows I love her although her earlier fog babble was saying otherwise.
I just don't know what to do for the best. As I stated in my earlier post she is awaiting the result of a biopsy.

If you don't mind my asking ... biopsy of what?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ September 07, 2002, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Sorry Pepper I do. I believe the details of my W's medical history are hers alone. She has always worried about getting cancer as it is in her family. Therefore she is very worried and putting on a brave face. I don't know what to do as she is still giving me fog babble. She has gone out tonight and says she might stay with a friend and be back tomorrow.
I have said I am here for her that I'll be with her if she needs me. I am worrying and praying for her. I don't know what to do for the best.

ML,
I know what you are going through. I have been telling her I love her for 6 months now, I think I have heard it from her a couple of times. I am oout of town and I talked to her on the phone. She said I was all worked up because of what she has done to me and that time apart would do us both good. She has been wanting me to leave so she can have time to think, but I just let her know that I love her and I want her to be happy. But if she wanted to leave I won't try to stop her. I am slowly losing hope or maybe just going numb. But today as we hung up the phone I said I love you and then listened to a few seconds of silence before I said I'll talk to you later. It hurt real bad to know she couldn't say the words.
A couple of months ago we was talking about how she felt guilty when I said I love you to her and she was thinking of OM. I am just sticking to plan A and hoping she comes out of the fog.
Maybe your W is feeling the same guiolt and is hard knowing she hurt you and you are so forgiving. Just a thouhgt
CD

ML

If your wife has told you that it gives her stress, when you say ILU to her. It is a LBer. It may not be a big whopping one.

You have told her and she heard you. She knows. There are other ways to say ILU. Your actions. Actions speak much louder than words.

Why not call her and tell her you were thinking about her. Ask her if she got the results yet.

Hi everyone...I have been leaving little sexy messeages on my WH computer,do you think that is a LB.....Thanks A/C0810

continuted from above...i have left about 3 so far, and WH has not said to stop doing it. Also i know he probably gets sexy emails from OW. I am not competing with her, but I think it will give him something to think about. If he gets them from the OW, its adding to the love bank for him and if he gets them from me his wife its also adding to the lovebank. Anyone agree? A/C0810

Thank you everyone. You have given me lots of good advice.
I stayed with my W yesterday as she waited to hear her results. She was told that the biopsy showed no C. She was greatly relieved and so was I along with friends and family. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I had just gone out of the house for 2 minutes when the phone rang and she came out and told me.
The next thing she did was to phone the OM on her cellphone and tell him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
I guess I'll just keep on with Plan A - I have still got a lot to learn about it. I will also change my displayed name to something a lot more hopeful. I will keep coming to this site for guidance and hopefully be able to contribute as I become more aware of MB principles.

John

Hello Murphy, A good question that I often ask myself...so I decided to ask Steve Harley. He simply said, "Does it make you look attractive to your spouse or not?" And of course, my spouse does not like to hear it. So instead, said Steve, show him through your actions.

Just my tidbit.

Take care.

When I see my H in person, I've stopped telling him I love him,but I do end every e-mail with 'love, Kim'. He hasn't ever said "don't put that in my notes", either verbally or in a return e-mail. So...aren't we supposed to 'love them back to us'? If so, unless they tell us it makes them angry to hear or read 'love', I would think it's okay to keep doing it. I've already told my H I would love to have him back and am willing to meet his needs, and then not discussed our marriage again..just been happy and caring, so I add the love at the end of e-mails to remind him of that fact.