This whole thing is getting to be so tiring!!! I just want it to be over with, but if that. Means that I am divorced and I don't want to be divorced!!!! UGH!!! I am confused!!

Things just seem to keep happening, that the divorce papers don't get signed. Nothing that has been caused by myself or my lawyer. So then I began to think maybe I am right and the divorce is truly not meant to be, but then I listen to my STBX and see no way that he is ever coming out of the fog. The newest one this month is that OW, her sister and baby are living in STBX's apartment and he is living in someones basement!!!

I am just so tired and feel rather beaten today!! Could be that I was outside in 101 temp today!!!

UGH!!! life!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

That heat can do a number on your spirit without the help of a WS! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

((((((((( daybreak )))))))))

Sadly, I'm happy to hear that your H doesn't seem to be having such a great time in la-la land (I feel bad when I get pleasure out of other people's misfortune or pain). But then again, he brought it on himself, didn't he? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I think that part of your stress and discomfort has more to do with the "not knowing" stage. You don't know when the papers will be signed. Heck! You don't even know IF the papers will be signed!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> And from almost 2 straight years of living a "not knowing" situation (regarding Andrew's passing), I can totally empathize with the confusion you're in right now.

There is a certain amount of peace within limbo land though. If you can find it that is. It's REALLY hard to find... but it can happen. Start with things like hoping for the best but expecting the worst. How would you feel in those two scenerios? What if your H didn't sign the papers? What would your next move be, if any?

I'm not sure if this helps you any... but I hope it does in some small way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

p.s. will you email me at 4topie25@rogers.com so I can ask you some stuff about your surgery? If you're not comfortable with it, then that's okay too. I'm easy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

((((daybreak))), not words of wisdom here, just to let you know you are not alone, if I had a magic wand to end this right this moment and both of us have our marriage in recovery, I would do it.

Hey Daybreak,

I am sorry to hear you are still in limbo...but at least you still have some hope.

I am also feeling kind of down tonight. My H has the little guys tonight...he and bimbo took them to their first soccer games today. I didn't go. Just didn't want to face them...they act so smug and she is trying to "mother" my kids. Makes me sick.

My oldest daughter had a game in Independence this evening too. I was going to go up for that, but she decided to go with her boyfriend and her girlfriend--so instead, I am at home feeling a little sorry for myself.

I don't think my house has ever been this quiet. My H wrote another mean, accusatory email to me the other day. He is still justifying everything he has done---except now I am this horrible, crazed evil person. He told me I have never been a "Team" player. How sad is that. I guess reality will never come back to him. It is so sad to me.

I am still seeing my friend. He is great...tho I don't know where it will lead. He is with his kids this weekend and next weekend he has guard duty. I was ok last night...but I am lonely and a little depressed tonigh. Sigh....when do you get over feeling like this???? I wish I knew.

Anyway, wish I had something to say to help you feel better. Just know that I am here for you. Pat

Thanks to you both for the words of encouragement!!

It's just so hard sometimes, last weekend I was bored so I called STBX and read him the riot act for not having any extra money to send to us, (knew that he didn't) just wanted to mess with him a little I guess!!!

Had told him the last time that I seen him that the OW had been part of marriage without my knowing for the last 3 years, that no matter what I would get to be part of theirs for years to come!!!!

I continue to pray for the Lord's will to be done in my marriage whether that be recovery or divorce. Then I see the IC and feel that I must move on, I don't know if this is helping to me or not.

Oh well!!! Karen I will e mail you in a minute!!!
DAwn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey Pat,
We were typing at the same time!!!

I don't know when we get over these feelings, I guess that is what the IC is trying to help me with, letting go of the what if's and should have beens. There is some days I do good then others it's rough.

I was scared to be home alone when all my kids were gone the first time, but I kind of like the quietness now and look forward to their time away.

I guess Pat most of it is how we chose to deal with things and how much we let things bother us. Like last weekend, when I called to just mess with him, I chose to ignore anything that he had to say to me or about me, I was entertained by the interaction, she was on the other end giving him as much crap as I was!!!

We did our first soccer game today and it was our first day for league bowling, my girls did me proud bowling like always!!!

I seen in the base paper that Gen Barnaige is going to be here for the 55th AF birthday bash, do you remember him and an Sandy?

Take it easy tonight!!
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Dawn and everyone,

Do you know why the papers are not signed? Are the papers in H's hands, and he is just not signing them? What does he say when you ask why he has not signed them? If they are not delivered to him yet, why not?

Is it possible to get some legal statement that the papers must be signed within a certain time period?

Is is really a relief to you, deep down, that they are not signed? That at least the M is not officially over? It seems hard for you any way you look at it. There is stress in the uncertainty, but there is deep saddness if the papers do get signed.

I'm sorry for the unending anxiety.

In New Mexico where my son's D will take place, once the financial plan is agreed upon and the papers are signed, the D is granted in a week! That is so fast. The custody issues can be settled AFTER the D. Seems strange to me, but the sooner he is legally separated from her, the better. Want to know something ironic? The FOM has married someone else.

Take care everyone,
Estes

Hi Dawn,

Got interrupted by a few phone calls. You will have to tell the Barnages hi. I worked with them for a long time. They sat with us at Jim's retirement dinner.

Seems like yesterday...but so much has changed. Can you believe he said I wasn't a team player after all I did for him and his career? It is really sick. He said again that the divorce had nothing to do with her--that he divorced me because of me....so quit blaming it on her. RIGHT!!!! Wish he would have told me there was a problem before he had another affair. Oh well---water under the bridge. I just hate feeling like this over and over again. I think I am doing ok....and then he reenters the picture, and I feel like Sh** again.

It is even worse watching his girlfriend hang all over my kids. Every time I see it, I feel like I have been run over with a truck. It leaves me feeling just wretched inside.

The coward has to leave tomorrow for Las Vegas. Had my daughter call my friend to get a ride home from the city for herself and my son. Then she called me to tell me that she had arranged a ride. I could hear my exH in the backround feeding her with info. He said they will be at the games and then go on to the airport from there. I might just have to go up there tomorrow to watch the games. Can't believe he did that without calling me first.

Oh well, this is definitely not what I had wanted with my life. I really hate this. I work my tail off all week long...and then the weekend hits....and the reality of the situation hits me full force. It is such a waste.

Guess I am venting.....wish I could be a little more upbeat.

Estes....how did your son end up getting his divorce in NM? I thought they were somewhere else?

I miss being on here more and hearing from you all. It is nice to be able to talk with people who can understand why I am not over this yet....Wish I was. Take Care Pat

Ladies,

My heart is with you. I was visiting with a new friend who was D in January. It took only about 30 seconds for her to tear up talking about it, and adultery was not involved. The wounds take so long to heal. Be patient with yourselves and acknowledge that how you feel is, unfortunately, expected. Keep reminding yourself that your H's actions are the result of weaknesses in their character. In spite of terrible insult you have persevered. Your recovery will come in time.

Stay strong,
Estes

PS: I'll post an update on a separate thread.

Hi Daybreak,
I don't know what the deal is today, I can't seem to post anything on the first try that I write.

Reading your post, I had the feeling God is totally in the works. The missing divorce. H's inattentive (inept?) lawyer. The boss that didn't look the other way on the extramarital cohabitation.

And, omigosh, the OW who is so confident and ROMANTIC that she brings along her sister and baby to live with her MM? Nothing says romance to a man, like the smell of an unwelcome guest's baby's diapers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I'm not wishing harm to the baby, but wouldn't be surprised if there is colic and projectile vomiting as well.

So, if H & OW are meeting, they are either in a basement...and, well he doesn't exactly have $$ for decorating right? I'm getting a picture of dank, used furniture and the orange shag carpet isn't fresh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Well, even if it would be nicer than that, it's still lacking light, and seasonlly affected depression won't have to wait for winter.

Unless they spend their time in the apartment, where the sister and baby are.

I really don't think things are going your H's way. How could he possibly be happy with any of this?

Take care and leave it in God's in-box, I think He's having a little fun with your H's chosen lifestyle.

Oh yes Lor, I do think God is having some fun!!! As much as I have wanted to poke just a little I still have refrained, Oh how I want to poke though!!!! Got any poking thoughts that don't hurt that you want to share?

Estes, the papers were in STBX's lawyers hands for over a month, they are back in mine right now, but so messed up from were they should be, my lawyer and I just shoke our heads, and now I have to have him redo them and pay him for that!!!UGH!!! Am not sure if I will hurry on getting them back to STBX or not. That is one of the areas of confusion I have been having!!!

Yes Estes it is ironic the the OM of your DIL's married someone else, I am sure that has casued her some great pain, but probably no fog lifting!!!

Pat, it is sad that as much as we did for their careers, which we both know was the right thing, they turn around and treat us as badly as they do and they say the mean and hurtful things that they do. WE MUST remember who we are and that we are good people. We are not saying and doing things to be hurtful to someone else or to make ourselves feel better!! They are that person and that is sad, but perhaps we need to look at them as the broken person they are!!

Onward I go in this journey, confused mind and all!!! I am moving!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />