At my sons soccer game tonight, I sat close to my WW, just to get a reaction. I asked her if I was too close, she said maybe. Then she said, why dont you just hate me, it make things alot easier. I said do you want me to hate you. She said she didnt know, but that I am being too nice. I dont think I am being too nice, I'm not kissing her butt or anything. Just treating her with respect and not getting mad. I think she sees this as being nice I guess. Any comments? I am hoping if and when her A ends she will see that I still love her. Her friend told her that any man that could be there through this had to love her and that that would be true love. I hope someday she will feel the same way.

ALso, the same friend told me that if I called him he would stop calling her and e-mailing her. But I'm not so sure. I think I need to let her end it. Any input would be helpful.
It is so hard to just wait and be patient, but I am right now. The fact that he lives 1500 miles away helps.

TORO

TORO

Are you being too nice? I don't know your story but from what you have said here, I would have to say not at all. You are being a considerate, respectful human being.

Speaking from the point of view of one who had an A, your W's attitude is very normal, I think. There were times when I just wanted my H to scream and yell at me. That way I could feel punished. (Just another selfish act or request that comes out of an A.) Wanting you to hate her is, in my opinion, just her way of feeling like she is getting punished for her crimes.

Regretting

Hi TORO,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...Then she said, why dont you just hate me, it make things alot easier. I said do you want me to hate you. She said she didnt know, but that I am being too nice.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My wife said the same thing... I think that my wife said this because she couldn't understand how I could love her after all of the A's... She hated herself, thus, I should hate her too.

You are putting major deposits in your wife's Love Bank... and it WILL pay off. Keep up the good work!

Don't know what to tell you regarding calling the OM... I confronted one of the OM and of course he just lied to my face. I believed his lie and just acted like nothing happened. In your case, the OM being 1500 miles away, I'd probably just let the A die a natural death. Kind of hard to keep the romance up when you're 1500 miles away <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Instead, I'd just keep making deposits in your wife's LB... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Toro, I would recommend NOT contacting OM,it usually just adds more fuel to the A. Let your WS
end it on her terms..

Regarding her wanting you to be mad and not
understanding why you still love her, I view this as a very good sign, your Plan A must be working, it would be much easier if you were being an
a-hole,that would give her the justification for having the A. Now she has to face the facts and live with what she is doing. Keep up the good work.
Dave

I'm no expert.

But I think saying "it would be easier if you hated me" is your wife expressing her ambivalence: she has not (yet) chosen, and you not hating her keeps you in the game. You have not helped her choose.

Don't call the OM!! Even if he ends it at that point, your WW's attachment to him will not end there. She'll still long for him, and dream of what might have been, and compare the "real" you to the "fantasy" of him. And you'll be stuck. Or maybe I'm just projecting (it's been a helluva week). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

And then you're no better off, although it might feel good in a primal sort of way to mark your territory.