Well, I finally did it. Sent the letter this morning. Expect my W should have it in the next couple of days. Obviously, I don't know what her reaction will be, if any. I wouldn't be surprised if she uses the old "why can't we be friends" line. If she does, my only response will be "I can't be just your friend when I still love you and want you as my W". I'd like to say I can't be her friend because she lied, deceived and betrayed me and quit on our family, but I'll reserve those sentiments for my friends here. I'll keep you updated.

sad dad

<small>[ September 12, 2002, 08:24 AM: Message edited by: sad dad ]</small>

Hey SadDad---

It's a very tough situation to enter Plan B. Things will get better for you, however.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If she does, my only response will be "I can't be just your friend when I still love you and want you as my W". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's a perfect response. But also consider in Plan B you don't need to have any response...

Good luck---I'll keep you in my prayers.

k,

You're right, a response isn't warranted, just thought it would give me a chance to reiterate what I said in the letter, but I'm putting the cart before the horse......

sad dad

I'm with the K-man.......

BTW, did you like K in MIB II? Ever wonder why he's so adept with all these alien abduction issues? Duh!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I recommend that if you can't avoid an interaction and she gives you the "friends" whine, say, "Re-read my letter, I can't be just your friend when I still love you and want you as my W." I believe almost any question (other than kid coordination issues) a WS asks after the BS goes to Plan B can be answered by re-reading the Plan B letter. All the more reason to HAVE a Plan B letter for referrence. Now, if they'd REALLY read it..........

WAT,

I'm getting ahead of myself trying to figure out how she might react. Knowing my W, stubborn as she is, she probably won't say a word and will take the "fine, if that's what you want attitude". That's OK with me.

sad dad

Hi SD-My advice to you regarding the plan B letter is to refer back to it when your wife starts talking about anything other than financial/or child related matters. Because you say she is stubborn she will probably try to minimize what the letter says in her head and behave as she usually does- calling you on minor details, asking for favors etc. Its really important that you set a stronger boundary line. I have found out the hard way thru tons of counseling that failure to set firm boundary lines has been a HUGE contributor to the way things unravelled in my marriage. Take care- lifeismessy PS I am now house-breaking a new golden retriever puppy we named DIGBY- Yikes! That's all I need right now- MORE responsibilities!!!! lifeismessy

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sad dad:
<strong>I'm getting ahead of myself trying to figure out how she might react. Knowing my W, stubborn as she is, she probably won't say a word and will take the "fine, if that's what you want attitude". That's OK with me. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">congratulations to your courage. good luck now. 2 points:
- reading from all the other plan B threads around, even if your WW says "if that's what you want", it takes a couple of weeks till reality hits home fully. dont expect an instant reaction, and even if you get one, it wont be the same 4 weeks down the line
- agree with the others: if she gets back, dont answer (except it's something logistical). for all other issues, tell her to read the letter again, you have nothing more to add.

hey nick,

You're right on! I know she got the letter today, but I don't expect to get any response from her, now or anytime soon. She may not believe that I'm serious about no contact or even care about it, which is fine. I'm doing this for ME, not to get a reaction from her or give her a glimpse of reality. I accept this divorce, I just can't be a part of her life as we go through it.

In the perfect world, couples can divorce amicably as friends. In the real world of affairs, lies and betrayal, that's difficult to do. If plan B has no affect on her and she abides by no contact, I'll be able to move on. If it does have an affect, maybe recovery is still a possibility. It's out of my hands and I'll do my best to move on with my life for my sake and my daughter's.

sad dad

Nothing new to report. It's been a week since I sent the letter and we haven't spoken since. She's abiding by my request of no contact, whether it's out of spite, anger or consideration of me, it doesn't matter. It's nice to know when the phone rings, it's not her with a question, a problem or needing a favor.

No emails or anything from her in regards to selling the house, so I'm not sure where that stands. The ball's in her court (for now) as far as the house goes. I'm pretty content where I am.

I'll keep you updated if anything changes.

sad dad

<small>[ September 18, 2002, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: sad dad ]</small>

<small>[ September 18, 2002, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: sad dad ]</small>

looks like you were spot on with her taking the attitude of 'if thats what you want'. maybe she wants to prove herself that yes, she can be very much happy w/o you?

in any case, give her a while. reality will hit home, if your story goes the way most of the plan B threads go here.