After 2 years of hell and 10 months of story after story and sooooo many truths finally showing their ugly heads I found out from WH works with OW!!! Told me he checked her out for about a year and then he began having feelings for her, but nothing happened even though he was jumpy at a company picnic. He said he felt guilty, no he said he didn't know, no he said you might see something in the way I talked or looked to make you suspicious. Can we try for a 4th reason? Trying to recover is impossible! Every time I think "it's over" gut tells me "no it's not" and it has been right every time. Well, WH says he didn't want to jeapordize his job and thats what would happen if he told me the truth about OW, no affair just thoughts and feelings about her for 6 months, checked out for 1 year. O.K. so what do I believe? Tells me everything stopped when I asked him about a mental affair back in January.(Only one way - in his head, they hardly talked per WH) I feel like I'm going through a hell. Tells me I need to trust him. O.K. so what has he done to earn it....Nothing but tells me how much he has changed. Also sat me down last night and told me he always wanted me and loved me but marriage meant no other women and he would deal with that thought later. I wish he would have told me that 12 years ago. ( 12 year anniversary in 2 days). I don't feel like celebrating at all!

I need all garbage out on the table. I've gotten to the point with whats fiction and whats non-fiction. But I do know I need it all to begin the recovery process because as it stands right now I feel like taking my kids and leaving( he has just begun the father role after 10.5 years)

I would appreciate any input from ANYONE, PLEASE!!!!!!

Down & Out - I really don't know what to say - I still have never found out the whole truth - I really think you have to go with your gut instincts - You could hire a private investigator - but I found everytime I snooped I found something out that I probably didn't want to know - When the WS starts telling one lie, it just becomes lie after lie after lie and they are caught up in it and there is no way out - I really actually they believe what they are saying - they have pretty much justified it in their minds to make themselves feel better - You need to read up on stuff - decide if you want to really save this marriage and tell him what you need to know to be ok - or you are gonna go crazy.... I know I have been there and unfortunately will probably always be there... Good Luck..

Maw 64. I gave him so many chances to come clean and he kept making up stories. He said he didn't want to look at himself and now he said he has changed. I want to believe him but I've heard these words many, many times before and change he did not, the lies kept going. Can you have a 1 way mental affair for that length of time without anything happening? I'm really confused. Feeling very sad. I don't know what is true anymore.