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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1 |
I am very new here and would like some help....12 days ago i had an affair on my husband...I have been with him since i was 14yrs old and he was 17yrs old......I am now 21 and we have been married for 3 years with 2 beautiful children.....When i cheated on him it was with his partner at work.....it meant nothing to me and nothing to the other person.....i told my husband about it lastnight and he wants to work it out....however he is reallllly depressed...i feel so bad about what had happened but i just feel so lost when it comes to my husband and i.........anyone have any suggestions....How do i help him?
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Member
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Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Tisha,
Welcome to MB. You are both so young and going through so much. You and your H need to get to some counseling. Find a local MC or even see if you can speak to Steve or Jennifer.
There is an emotional needs questionnaire int he concepts section above. You need to understand why you strayed and if you both want to save the M, find out what you both need to do to restore your trust and love for each other.
Read the concepts above and if you can find the book surviving an affair or his needs/her needs, it may have some helpful info.
If you H wants to post here to maybe we can help. The BS also goes through a barage of confused feelings. I refer to them as the stages of grieving. Red Hat has that thread in his sig line. If he posts here you can read it. I found it very helpful.
take care,
L.
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 290
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Member
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 290 |
It is good that you both want to work it out. If you both try, you have an excellent chance of building a new and better marriage. You have come to the right place! I am sure others will come along and point you to some good articles to read here.
As far as books, you should read Surviving an Affair by Willard F. Harley, Jr. and Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers. It is excellent, and will help you both through the difficult times ahead. You would also benefit from His Needs Her Needs as well. Those two books are available on this site as well as in bookstores.
Since your husband is depressed, and you will have difficult emotions as well, you both should go to the doctor and get some Anti-Depressants. They work wonders in helping you deal with painful emotions. I cannot stress enough how important it is to get your husband on them. There is no way I could have come as far as I have without them. They take some time to kick in, so don't wait! Go to the doctor tomorrow!
Please keep coming here and posting. There are so many understanding and wonderful people here who can help you both get through this.
NSST
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