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Today is my 12th wedding anniversary. Our marriage is better than either of us could have possibley imagined as a result of practicing the MB concepts in our marriage. As we say in Al-Anon, "It works if you work it so work it you're worth it!" and it definitely applies here.
Yesterday morning I told my husband that he met my need for an attractive spouse and he promised to meet my need for domestic support later in the afternoon if he got some things done.
It's a cheesy habit, but its fun, because it keeps us both kind of aware upfront that we are showing love in the way that other one needs it.
With the public defender showing up and asking questions about the xOW this week, I got to see just how far we've come. He's definitely unfogged, and I'm definitely far along in the healing process.
Does this mean we'll never have crisis like that again in our marriage? Who can say? But for the first time in 12 years, I am confident that we have a set of tools and guidance to fall back on instead of flailing around trying to just figure out how to be in love. As a result, my three children have their parents together - and aren't being shuffled back and forth between homes and sets of parents.
Thank you Dr. Harley - I would be divorced without the help I found here at MarriageBuilders.
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Joined: Feb 2002
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Thank you BrambleRose for posting this, and thank you for posting here. I always find your posts helpful. Congratulations!
I went back and read your profile on NSR's profiles thread - what a long way you both have come!
I am also the child of an alcoholic - my father is an alcoholic, his father and his father's brother were alcoholics. The BF I had before I got married was an alcoholic. I left him because of that. But I know I must still have co-dependency issues myself, because I recognize that there was a hefty amount of "rescuing" that contributed to my getting married to my H in the first place. Now I am married, I have two sons, I cannot yet support myself financially. I am in IC, and my husband has been in IC, but we have yet to get to MC.
I found your post on Acceptance, where you changed the wording from "addiction" to "infidelity" very helpful. I am trying to free myself of my own obsession with "helping my husband with his problems", but the insecurity is sometimes so difficult.
Can you recommend anything that could help me uncover my own co-dependent behaviours? I think I have enabled my H to be selfish, because I am afraid to demand what I feel I need and am entitled to.
So good to hear this after all you've been through!
LIR
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Congratulations on your anniversary, Mr. & Mrs. Bramblerose! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You're going to have to change your signature line to 12 yrs instead of 11 yrs now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I wish for you that you and your H continue to meet each others' EN's for as long as you both shall live. Amen. Who could ask for more in a M? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Karen
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Dear BR and Mr BR, Happy Anniversary! 12 years is quite an accomplishment in this day and age but don't let that stop you from making it 13, 14,15.....20...25......50 and more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> BR, you certainly have given you heart to many here and your family is truly blessed. Mr. BR, while we don't hear from you as often as BR, we here know that your marital recovery couldn't have happened without the work by both of you. So I know many of us here are glad to see the both of you happy. Keep meeting those ENs..... Hugz, L.
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BR--what a wonderful thing to celebrate!!!!! Congratulations!!!! You made it cause you have the tools AND you are both willing to use them.
It is great to rejoice with you over the present state of your M and how blessed your children are to have both parents loving them and each other.
Thanks for all your great advice and wisdom. It helps alot to hear from others who have been there and know what you are going through.
God Bless'
TW
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BR--what a wonderful thing to celebrate!!!!! Congratulations!!!! You made it cause you have the tools AND you are both willing to use them.
It is great to rejoice with you over the present state of your M and how blessed your children are to have both parents loving them and each other.
Thanks for all your great advice and wisdom. It helps alot to hear from others who have been there and know what you are going through.
God Bless'
TW
<small>[ September 15, 2002, 03:05 PM: Message edited by: tossedwave ]</small>
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BR, Congrats to both of you on 12 years, I hope that the years from here continue to be better and better each year. Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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This is probably going to sound sort of stupid, but can someone please help me to "decode" the acronyms flying around here? If there is some sort of cheat sheet on this site, please let me know! I am new (obviously) to this forum and would love to participate, but I think I need a "101 course" before I can do that so that I can fully understand the language!
Any help would be so appreciated!
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Good morning <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Lady ~ My best recommendation is Al-Anon, Al-Anon, Al-Anon. Get a good old-school Al-Anon sponsor. Read anything by Melody Beattie. I fixed my marriage by fixing me - not by convincing my husband to change. And believe me, there was plenty in me to fix - there still is. Glad you found something I posted useful! Topie ~ Thanks for the reminder, I'll fix it right away! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Orchid ~ You are all very lucky you don't hear from my husband very often! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Sometime ask SinkingFast about my husband (she calls me often and has an idea why this is so!) - his sense of humour is a tad...uh....odd... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Tossed ~ You got it, we have the tools now, and we've figured out how to use them. It makes me much more optimistic about the future! Daybreak and Melody ~ Thanks! Riley ~ Here's a brief rundown of the abbreviations used here: OW, OM, OP: Other Woman, Man, Person IC, MC: Individual, Marriage Counseling EN: Emotional Needs LB: Love Buster M: Marriage H: Husband W: Wife DS,DD, DW, DH: Dear Son, Wife, Husband, Daughter OS, OD: Older Son, Daughter YS, YD: Younger Son, Daughter
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Congratulations, BR!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
How's hubby's new job?
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Bliss <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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<---- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ---->
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The Best News any MB member could hope for, Rosey.
Certainly is a lot of work up-front, but the rewards are bountiful. Bet your husband never knew you two had it in ya to make something NEW and PROMISING out of something so devistating.
I'm very happy for you both.
Thank the dear Lord for the Harley's is all I can say. Without them and this forum, I don't know if I'd still be here.
Warm thoughts and hopes for your furture, honey. And thanks for posting your update.
Love,
Jo
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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BrambleRose:
Congratulations! May the next 12 years (nay, the next 25 years) be even better for both of you. It is nice to hear successes such as yours.
All the best.
LI
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Hi everyone! Thanks for the grins and smilies. what an awesome crowd we have here!
Space ~ It's going very well, thanks for asking!
Jo! Heya! Where have ya been!
LI ~ Thank you!
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Bramble, You're an inspiration. I congratulate you on your and your H's much deserved recovery.
And I hope your luck rubs off on the rest of us!
Thank-you for your posts.
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I'm happy for you, BrambleRose. A marriage healing, hope for the future and a family together...that's an optimal outcome <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .
Best wishes for the next 80 years!
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