I decided to start a new post because the other one was getting long. I am the man who started having lunch with a female coworker two weeks ago. You can get the story on advice needed. I ask, what happened?
I took the advice of you people and told eht woman we should not have lunch anymore. She said why not? I said we seemed to be getting close? She said this was not about sex and she had no plan on it being sexual. So she said why not coninute lunch. I had no answer
I can't figure out what happened. hree weeks ago I would just say hi to her in the halls. I have kind of known her for two years. Then we have lunch and it seems everything is different and I can't figure out why or what I did.
She sent me a email at work saying the friendship is like a gift to her. Made her happy. Thats why i got nervous and came to here for advice.
But she calls her husband during the day and they talk on the phone. She has pictueres of her family on the desk. She talks about what they are doing on the weekend with there kids. She is very happy. in her mmariage. She talks about husband aqnd kids all the time. Not a flirty woman. Does not dress real sexy.
Did I do something to lead her on? She said it is not about sex and therefore Ok for a friendship and lunches once a week. I dont have an answer for her on why it is not.

What happened here? Three weeks ago I barely knew here and now this.
What do I do?

cautious,

You already gave her the answer:

"I said we seemed to be getting close?"

You might add that you don't want any hint of impropriety. You and she can go to lunch as long as other people go with you both.

Is freedom4me, who posted on the other thread, your lunch buddy? Check it out.

NSST

I have no idea who freedom is. It irritates me that she butts offering no advice but an opinioin that I am going to lunch with her. I am not. I don't care if she is attractive or not, or what her game is.

I must have been incorrect in my post on the other thread and this is not the person I know....I have never said I am extremely happy in my marriage. (that's what brought me to marriagebuilders many a year ago) So, this must be a different person, my mistake.

Cautious, if you love your wife and value your marriage, let it go and don't worry about it...your wife should be your #1 priority, not worrying about whether this woman wants to be your friend or not. She'll get over it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks, freedom. Sorry I seemed mad.

Cautious, how come sometimes, your spelling and writing is quite eloquent and well put together, and then, at other times, the spelling is really bad, etc.? If you look back at the other thread, a person really can notice as they read through your posts...your spelling gets markedly (purposefully?) worse. Perhaps you are just in a hurry at times...understandable.

Oh, and of course you wouldn't want to lunch with me...perish the thought!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Now again, I apologize for the misunderstanding!! Go give your wife a big hug ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My spelling depends on if I am looking at the keys as I type. I use two fingers. My son is a whiz but he spends hours at the keyboard on the computer. I am old school. I still remember carbon paper. That really dates me!

Ok, it really doesn't matter how your spelling is, does it? The point is, if I mistook you for someone that you are not, I am truly sorry, ok?

If that is the case, I do not know what is going on in the mind of your female friend or how her marriage is. You say she is very happy in her marriage. Great! Are you very happy in your marriage? If so, great! Still, this is obviously bothering you (if you are being on the level with us and not just pulling our leg) or you wouldn't be posting so much about it. This woman has gotten to you, so that is a definite problem. You are thinking about her way too much...you should only be thinking about your wife.

As far as her being conservative, a librarian type...who cares? It has nothing to do with her ability to have an affair or lead you on. My H's OW was the epitomy of conservative, long wool skirts, wire rim glasses, valedictorian, etc. But I guess she wasn't too conservative to have sex with him at her house and in her car, and come across the alley to my bed.

I have an idea, let your wife read all of your posts. If she has no problem with it and her husband doesn't either, go for it.

If you really want advice, then take it! Nobody is going to tell you it's okay to continue these lunches.

Cautious,

Take this advice knowing it comes from a woman who is in business (due to my profession) with dealings with many men. Sometimes I do go to lunch with them...... to discuss business, family and friends issues.

The point is that at no time is anyone uncomfortable with it forced to go. If and when someone is (there were a few times where this could have led to something wrong)..... as friends we look out for the interests of others and I as a friend would gladly step aside if someone spoke to me as you did. I find that woman's response insulting. I would not consider someone like that a 'true' friend.

Think about it and see the pix as it really is. Maybe she is hiding her feelings or likes to play on the each. Don't you guys talk at work? What do others think about her?

A few months ago, one of the WS' here was being agressively followed by one of his co-workers. Started out with a short walk, buying ice cream....... then she wanted more..... if I remember correctly, she even tried to setup several dates with him. The sad part is that he was still married, the BS and his W was having an A with a nut...... she still is. However the BS made it through that and now that he when he is through the D, he will take some time to adjust and then maybe date, but at that time, it was the wrong thing to do. You are not even close to that position. Right?

Hope this helps. Watch out for us women, we can be very manipulative creatures!!!! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

L.

<small>[ February 06, 2005, 04:18 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>