I'm not sure I understand what is happening, but from what you posted it appears that you are divorced from your husband and you have custody of the children.
Was there an affair involved? If so, who was the Wayward One and why was a divorce chosen as the way to deal with it?
Regardless, if you love your husband and he says that he loves you, why don't you start dating each other? If you feel this love, why are you not pursuing him so that he will know that you really do love him? What is so "noble" about forcing yourself to have no contact with him?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have learnt from my good
friend to become more self-focused </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If this means that you are supposed to be more selfish and self-centered, then I couldn't disagree more strongly. This "well meaning" advice from your friend is destructive to a relationship. One of the truest "tests" of love is self-sacrificial love. Putting the other person ahead of you. Putting their needs ahead of yours. Self-centeredness is at the heart of affairs and something that should be seen as a weakness, not a strength, within you.
If self-focused means understanding what's truly important, then I have no quarrel with it. We do need to understand ourselves so that we can reinforce the positives and change or eliminate the negatives. Selfishness, for example, is something that you'd want to elimante. Putting Christ at the center of your life would be a positive and something worth working on to make stronger in your life.
It almost sounds like both you and your Ex are avoiding the issue of "who makes the first move". In reality, hasn't that move already been made? He said he loves you still and you are discovering that you love him too and can't get him out of your mind. One of you needs take the "risk" of being rejected (we all are afraid of that one) and open communication. One of you needs to start "pursuing" the other. Once that happens, if you both love each other as you have stated, you might be very surprised to find you want to be together again.
P.S. If you choose to be the one to take the risk, then don't wait for your anniversary date. Start now. Who know's, perhaps you might even find yourself on a nice "date" for your anniversary. But one thing is certain. Until one of you is brave enough to put the fear of rejection behind and step into the "rapids", the stream of fear will keep you separated.
