Also posted in recovery...

My fear is causing me to withdraw from H and I don’t want to. I don’t want to hinder any progress but I can’t shake my behavior. I am quiet, distant, very guarded. We have had 2 sessions with Steve…Thanks be to God…and although H thinks it is hooey he is doing what Steve asks. Is H making an effort? Is H hearing Steve? So…why am I upset? IS THIS NORMAL? Please tell me this feeling will pass…soon. H’s fog clears now and then but is still prevailing. What am I afraid of? What is happening to me? I am so confused…this is what I want…why do I keep looking for signs it is all a hoax?

Any and all advise is appreciated. Thank you

You are guarded because you need to be. My WH is still involved with OW but is also trying at home. The A is not the issue although it muddies the water. The lies and secrecy are the issue for me. The lack of effort in communication and meeting my needs are the issue. His lack of ability to effectively communicate his needs are the issue. Not the A. That is a symptom as horrid as it may seem.
I have come to some metamorphisis(although I still can't spell). I take actions not words into account. If he doesn't want you to know he'll just lie and tell you what he wants to hear. Feel his actions. It is okay. He has given you no reason to trust him just yet. You are only protecting youself from hurt. Like any rebuild it is one brick at a time and if the mortar hold, you will have your marriage back.
Take care of yourself and follow your gut. Going to a counselor is a big step. Mine won't go. That is a big action <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You are guarded because you need to be. My WH is still involved with OW but is also trying at home. The A is not the issue although it muddies the water. The lies and secrecy are the issue for me. The lack of effort in communication and meeting my needs are the issue. His lack of ability to effectively communicate his needs are the issue. Not the A. That is a symptom as horrid as it may seem.
I have come to some metamorphisis(although I still can't spell). I take actions not words into account. If he doesn't want you to know he'll just lie and tell you what he wants to hear. Feel his actions. It is okay. He has given you no reason to trust him just yet. You are only protecting youself from hurt. Like any rebuild it is one brick at a time and if the mortar hold, you will have your marriage back.
Take care of yourself and follow your gut. Going to a counselor is a big step. Mine won't go. That is a big action <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thank you RNROSCOE for your reply. I hope H is not still in contact w/OW - but I don't really know. Maybe that's part of it.

I just want to be happy about his actions...like C w/Steve and doing the assignments. WOW - that is SO big. He is trying...I can see it...why can't I enjoy it? I smile and thank H for things he does and let him know that it means alot but inside I am thinking...why did he do that?

I just need some reassurance that this could be a stage the BS goes through and I am not going to feel this way for long. Or if any BS felt this way, what did they do to get thru it?

Thanks.