i posted my situation last nite. i also want to know if after your spouse tells you that he still loves you but is not in love with you, is there anything that can be done to change that. i find that it is very hard to rebuild the relationship after hearing this from him.

Ask your H if he feels he is in a unique situation and does he feel like this is uphoria (sp???). Then tell him the other 'common WS phrases':

1. The OW makes me feel special.
2. She understands me more than U.
3. I never should have married you.
4. You are not right for me, the OW is.
5. OW is my friend.
6. OW would never lie to me.
7. OW would never want to hurt you.
8. You would like OW, maybe you can be
friends one day.
9. I never meant to hurt you.
10. I will always be your friend.
11. I don't want to have to lie to you.
12. You bring out the worst in me.

If your H said any of this stuff, gently let him know that he is NOT unique. In fact, he is textbook WS material. If you can't say it gently, then just say it.

Will it break his bubble? Probably not. They are in la la land or fog whichever term you prefer.

Shake you head and walk away. At this point nothing you can say will sink in. He has lost his sense of reason. You may feel like you are talking to a strange stranger. Alien like creature. SAme body different mind/heart.

Then hook up with a good counselor like STeve or Jennifer or a local MC that is familar with MB principals. Work on strengthening yourself. He will wake up to reality but it may take a while. Your course will be dependent more on how you are than how he is acting. You can't control stupidity right now so don't try to hard to do so. It will be like spitting in the wind. But if you feel you must try. Go ahead. Most of us had to try some. Then we learn and work on ourselves. Personal recovery is within your grasp. Marital recovery will take both your efforts. He may not be able to do that yet. So work on yourself.

take care,
L.

Please read the material on this web site and the books "Surviving an Affair", "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters". They will give you the detail of what you need to do.

Counseling with the harley's will help too.

orchid, i am the sw in this case. we moved 3000 miles away from my ex-boyfriend to give us a chance to make it together. the problem is that i also moved away from my family, and i have not done very well since moving here. i have stayed really depressed, not found a job and beat myself up over my mistake. now i really want to stay here and do what it takes, but he is telling me he wants me to leave. i begged for one little chance cause now i am over the pain of the move, although it took 10 months. he now says do what u want to do, stay, go i dont really care. i dont feel he really means for me to go he just got tired of being the only one trying. now i really want to try. if he really wanted me to leave he could make me want to. please tell me what u think. i know it will never be the same between us but i love him enough to stay anyway. i finnaly applied for a job yesterday, but i may have pushed my luck to far by now.

bump