I know many of you have already dealt with this and I would really like some advice.

A ended some time in June primarily due to OW wanting to end it completely. WH has said he cannot recommit to our marriage until he has passion back for me -- although he does say he loves me and cannot imagine life without me he also says he doesn't feel "in love" (I know everyone here has heard that one).

He is also clinically depressed and will not seek help (that preceded the A and his therapist believes is why the A occurred although WH will not acknowledge this).

Our 10th wedding anniversay is coming up on Thursday. WH called last night from a business trip and toward the end of the conversation said "I've been thinking about Thursday. I guess we should do something. What do you think"

I responded "Yes, I have been thinking about it too. I would like to do something/see you on Thursday."

WH then says "Maybe it's a good idea."

Later in the conversation he says "I may have to go to XX on Thursday and may not be back in time to do anything."

I said "Well, I'll understand if you have to go to XX, but if you just don't want to do something on Thursday, please just tell me that. I would like to see you if that is something you are comfortable with"

WH then changed the subject.

So, I really have no idea whether or not we will do anything for our anniversary. Should I plan something? I think no. I also don't want to hear on Thursday that he does not want to get together and then be stuck at home alone (last year he was supposedly on a business trip on our anniversary/was really at a resort with OW) it is a huge trigger for me and I'd like to plan something else if he doesn't want to do anything.

Any advice?

just a hunch, but maybe he is looking for firm leadership here from your side? maybe a 'yeah that would be nice' from you isnt firm enough? why dont you tell him: listen, I've organised a surprise, be home at 7pm, come hell come high water. as said, just a hunch. but if he has a history of depression, he needs someone to grab his hand and to pull him out of the hole. your 10th anniversary might present such an opportunity - be it only temporary.

Nick -- So good to hear from you. Thank you for your suggestion. I just cannot tell if I take the initiative will that appear pushy? Or will it make him happy? It's such a fine line. I think at a minimum I am going to make him a Coconut Cream Pie (something he loves, but I never make because it's not my favorite). That way, no matter what he does or doesn't do I can bring him the pie and a card and he will know that I care.

Originally I was thinking I would see if he wanted to leave work early and we'd take a picnic up to the mountains nearby and go for a hike. Now that he may have to go to a town four hours away, it's unlikely he can do that.

Also, he has a history of not planning anything and then feeling inadequate when I step in so I'm struggling with just not planning anything and being happy (which I would be) with just going to a local low key restaurant or bar and having time together.

How are you? Any news on the homefront with WW?