bump again!

redhat, I just wanted to thank you for your understanding response and for your informational post.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You see this type of WS you either have to be enabler forever (in plan A) and hope OP LB'ed ... or run for the hill and wait until WS hits rock bottom. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes. I relate to this! SH recommended divorce to me months ago despite his avowed goal of saving marriages. It took me many more months to accept his recommendation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am glad I did this ... I have no more panic attack ... no more tears for her and no more feeling at all. I could sit across the table and look at her in her eyes and I would not feel anything</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I too am feeling so much better with no contact, but I dread the next, inevitable, face to face encounter because I'm not as sure as you are that I would not feel anything.]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am ready to give my best and shower my next lover w/ sea of love </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am lucky enough to be in a new relationship with a man who is kind, understanding, funny, gentle, and in recovery, yet I still mourn the end of my marriage. This is why I attend Al-Anon and continue to check in here from time to time.

I agree with BINthereDUNthat, your next lover will be a lucky woman!

bump ^^^

^^^bump

It is amazing how much a person (BS or WS) can think they want something until they actually have what they desire, and have to bear the consequences of that action. I believe that most WS's desire to get divorced and desire to have the OP. This desire mixed with the adrenalin of not getting caught creates explosive, passionate, but fake, feelings. The mind creates the fantasy and the Plan A'er enables this to continue. In my opinion, once the WS goes down the road of continuing the A after D-day, only TOUGH LOVE will turn it around. If the Plan A'er can take it, the A will last forever.

Once the BS goes the TOUGH LOVE route, the WS is forced to bear the consequences of their actions. If possible, the WS should be asked to leave. The WS then will face and feel the reality of what they desired, and hopefully, this will change their perspective of the situation.

Unfortunately, this route also causes great damage to the WS. This damage has been delayed by the Plan A'er. The WS will go through many phases starting with extreme anger for the BS because they have been forced to get spanked for there actions. Most definitely, the BS did not spank the WS, but the consequences of the WS's actions spanked the WS. The fog will win again, and the WS will blame the BS. Hopefully, the reality will continue to settle in and the WS will see that the BS is not so bad.

My opinion is that the WS at the beginning of the A, has given up on God and their own morals. Since it is my opinion that mankind is essential evil without God, it is no wonder why the fog is so thick. Morals have now become a parable, and they do not see the truth. It is not before the WS has reached the bottom do they begin to see that their logic has failed them. They must loose all their self-righteousness they created over the course of the A to realize that their actions were evil. I have realized that we are all sinners, but not all of us live in continuous sin. It is those of us who continue to live in sin, and continue to turn our backs on God, who loose all sense of Morals.

It is because of this that all must be warned that anyone can fall prey to the fog. Strong emotions and feelings create enormous fog potential even for the BS.

I still have not figured this all out, and could be off in left field. One thing for sure, when I die, this very topic will be my first question for God.

I too am an enabler, but I am scared. I cheated on my H last year in August. My H went to rehab 7 years ago. He drank a few times after he found out and I thought we were doing ok in or marriage. He met AW this past summer and said she gave him comfort. He drinks alot more and it is getting out of hand now and I know it since he started cheating on me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I don't know if he is still calling her or if he will still go meet her, but so he doesn't see her I go out with him. Please give me advice.

goldielocks109,

What are you afraid of ?. That is what you have to work on. About H, you can not control him. All you can do is making sure that H understand that you love him but you can't enable him to continue with drinking & affair.

-rh-