It has now been almost 3 weeks since WH did his 180 on me, one day saying he was ready to come home, the next telling me he didn't know, and then a couple of days later saying he wants a divorce ASAP.

As far as I know, he has not filed for divorce, and told me in an email last Friday that "he was still taking time for himself". Hes staying with friends during the week close to his job and most likely staying with OW on weekends ( I am assuming that), but has not picked up his mail for a week which means he hasn't been in town.

I am supposed to be in Plan A. I have done really well, not calling him, pleading or anything. I just haven't done anything. He's not making a move either, I feel like he's Plan B'ing me!

So what should I expect of this? Any interpretations of WH's mind??

Hi G_C,

have you ever thought of sending him his mail? (to his business address)
Then you might get a reaction from his side.
This would be a Plan A from your side and it might get him thinking again. You'd just have to wait and see what happens.

I'm really feeling with you, G_C.

take care
bb

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by blondblossom:
<strong>have you ever thought of sending him his mail? (to his business address)
Then you might get a reaction from his side.
This would be a Plan A from your side and it might get him thinking again. You'd just have to wait and see what happens.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not for sure if he new employer knows what is going on. I know when he first started he told them he was married, I guess it could be pretty embarassing for yourself to tell your new employer that you are married and having an affair.

I did think about sending his mail there, but I don't think he will see it as a Plan A, should I send him a quick email to ask him if that would be convenient??
FYI, I cant' forward his mail through the post office since all the utility bills (which I pay) are still in his name so that is not even an option.

GC- I think sending the mail to your h at work would be big LB- let it stay at home.

Gotta work, but had to reply, JMHO.

Good luck, stay calm and to your faithful path.

Honey

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Honey:
<strong>GC- I think sending the mail to your h at work would be big LB- let it stay at home.

Gotta work, but had to reply, JMHO.

Good luck, stay calm and to your faithful path.

Honey</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is kind of what I thought, he would probably get mad.

Still keeping my distance, I might as well be in Plan B

I agree GC- again. BBlossom, No offense. Good idea. i did something kind of like this with ws' clothes-

I completely cleaned out the closet and gave him all his clothes in my early distancing...

He sd- You didn't have to do that.

That was about all the satisfaction I got- Other than that.. I felt farther apart and kind of wished I hadn't pushed the distance. it is not a plan a behavior.

it felt a little good to stand up for me, but I think it made him feel pushed out, instead of just having left for a time. he is still gone, and that was the beginning of a more seperate time for us... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

hugs, H

I agree GC- again. BBlossom, No offense. Good idea. i did something kind of like this with ws' clothes-

I completely cleaned out the closet and gave him all his clothes in my early distancing...

He sd- You didn't have to do that.

That was about all the satisfaction I got- Other than that.. I felt farther apart and kind of wished I hadn't pushed the distance. it is not a plan a behavior.

it felt a little good to stand up for me, but I think it made him feel pushed out, instead of just having left for a time. he is still gone, and that was the beginning of a more seperate time for us... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

hugs, H

Hi G_C,

I wasn't seeing it that way about his mail, so I think Honey is right. Let it be.
I understand now, that he might get mad and I'd avoid this for sure.

Honey, no problem at all, I don't feel offended in anyway. 2 heads think more than 1! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Going Crazy I just wanted to say a few words to you. I can really feel how "hopeless" this situation must be for you, gosh. You are a really great and a fantastic woman. I really admire your patience and the love that you are showing.

I hope with all of my heart that your H will come to realize this!! You are worth being loved!! You really deserve it and believe me you will have this love!!!

Whatever you do, don't loose your great additude!!! Keep you inner thoughts as positive as you can. Do everything possible to make yourself feel good and look good!!!!
This will for sure reflect on to others and this again will make you feel self-confident.

I'm so sorry that I can not help you in any other way. I wish I knew the answers to your questions, but I don't. I wouldn't try to figure out what is going on because the things that are happening will never make sence.
When WS are in the "fog" nothing makes sence, they don't even understand it themselves.

I know it hurts. But don't "stuff in" your feelings. Let them out!!! I used to go for a car drive and I then turned on the radio and just "sreamed" my pain out!!!! This was very releaving!! (I drove to places where nobody could see me, otherwise they would of thought I was NUTS!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Or I listened to Meditation CD'S. This helped me calm down.
I also did alot of "journal writting" mostly when I didn't have anyone to talk to.

And remember whenever you are just not feeling right, come here, we're all here for you!

hugs
bb

GC -- My WH did this disappearing act on me for several weeks in June. Not calling/nothing. I finally sent him an email filling him in on a few things that I knew would be of interest to him -- e.g. the cat did x, your mail is here/you haven't been by what would you like me to do with it (also listing what was there in case anything was important), kept it simple and ended it with "Hope you're well" Love USH.

He responded the next day. Boy it seems like a long time ago now (but while it was happening seemed like eternity).

I think because I didn't try to contact him and gave him some space for about two weeks, by the time I did send something brief and pleasant (with absolutely no reference to us or our relationship) it gave him an opening to respond. Since we were in plan A per Jennifer Harley Chalmers I felt I could contact him after a while -- wasn't in plan B.

All this did was get us back in more regular contact/more opportunities to work on plan A. I tell you this so that nobody thinks it had any kind of miraculous results (and I wasn't expecting any). Looking back on it, this was the period when he was in serious withdrawal from the end of his relationship with OW. It was probably a good thing we weren't around eachother.

thanks BB, HOney, USH, I think I am just going to lay low for a few days, see if he tries to contact me this weekend. I guess I would rather hear nothing then hearing his babble.

Good for you! So true, THE BABBLE!

Hugs, HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

But then again, I want to hear his voice, too. I still can't believe he has not picked up his mail in like 8 days, he has credit card bills, car payments, everything, they are all just in a neat little pile for him. Don't know if he will come by this weekend to pick it up or not, trying really hard not to break down and call him.

he has
credit card bills, car paymentsG_C,

you might want to ask yourself the following: in the past you have always contacted him, what did that change???
Now you are changing something by not contacting him, no matter how difficult it is.

Hmmm, is this making sence??? I hope so. You are right in the middle of really changing your reactions. Leaving it up to him for things to happen or not.

Try to really "let go" G_C. No matter how difficult it may be, try. I know how difficult this is and I really am feeling with you.
You are expecting him to do something, you are wanting something to happen so bad. Which I can understand but you are pressuring yourself. You are counting the days and telling yourself that "today" he might react, then it doesn't happen, then again you feel miserable.

Let go and then see what will happen. Don't contact him in any way and see what happens.

I know this will/is hard and I can feel your pain. But if you now breakdown and react, you will NEVER find out what he would have done or how he would of reacted.

You have done everything possible. I'm not telling you to give up. You have shared your feelings with him and he knows that you are there.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> he has
credit card bills, car payments </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">G_C, your H knows this and it is not your duty to educate him about this. (this isn't meant to be harsch <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )
He is a grown up man and it is his responsibility. This is "reality" and it is up to him to deal with it. He has to get into "reality" on his own. No matter where his thoughts are at the moment, he has to think about his "duties" on his own.

Stay strong for yourself and treat yourself good.

hugs
bb

Make some plans for you, OK, GC?

Post and let us know what you are doing for you this weekend.

I bought a copy of INSTYLE magazine, and decided I have some work to do to be more hip... like I used to be! I love fashion!

Take care of you and do what you like!

Now what did you do when you were a happy single woman? NOW, DO IT!

(Can I do it too?- trying!)

Hugs, H

BB: I am trying to let go, it is so hard, all I want is a marriage with the man I love, what gives OW the right to screw up my life like this? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Dear G_C,

first let me give a BIG cyber HUGGY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I can understand that you are feeling mad. Let it out and don't keep these feelings inside!!!
You're right about the fact that she doesn't have the right to interfere with your life. But she is taking the right to do what she wants.

I always tell myself that when someone does someone else "wrong" it will get back to them, no matter what. It's just a matter of time. This is not "revenge" thinking, it really happens.

G_C, hang in there. Stay strong. Do something for your "inner child".

I know it will be impossible for you to stop "thinking", this is why I will not tell you not to think about what is happening.You just might want to try to "think" in a different envoirment.
Get out of your house, go for a drive. Go someplace on your own. Try not to "burry" yourself in the house. This will "pull" you down even more.
Try to plan something for yourself. Even if it is something very simple.

How about redecorating your favorite room in your house? This might help abit. Go out a get a few new things.

Whatever you decide to do, please keep us updated. I'm really thinking about you and my thoughts are with you.
Stay strong G_C. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

hugs bb

GC -- Hello from your friend in limbo land. How are you doing?

I have done some investigating, and now have proof that he has been calling her multiple times a day and has been up to see her. Kinda funny that he didn't make a quick stop to get his mail, he could have easily done it while I was still at work and could have avoided seeing me.

It seems that he wants me to think that he is still taking time to himself by his actions. By him not picking his mail up, he may want me to think that he hasn't been back up here to see her, well, I know better now.

Now what?? Since I know what he has been doing, I cannot confront him about it? Do I just act like I dont' know anything, still avoid contacting him.

My gosh, this is so stupid! This is supposed to be a marriage, not his and OW's stupid games!

G_C,

what are you planning to do???

bb

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by blondblossom:
<strong>G_C,

what are you planning to do???

bb</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know!