I'm so angry I could spit!

H and I are sharing the cell phone ever since I went back to work PT. One day I found a # in the call history I didn't recignize. when I asked him about it he said he couldn't remember and to just call if I wanted to know. I did call the # and it turned out to be one of the lovely young women that works for him. Given why we are in recovery in the first place, I asked him to let restaraunt biz be conducted within the confines of the restaraunt. After all, this biz about calling him at 3:00 in the afternoon on his day off is ridiculous! There are at least 3 other managers there at this time that could help her with whatever she needs! When someone begins calling on the cell on your day off and it's not another member of your management team, it's officially personal. This is exactly how he got himself in trouble to begin with.

When we discussed it, he disagreed, saying that one of the reasons he purchased the phone in the first place was to make his job easier, and that he works with a lot of people... some of them are attractive women... and I just have to deal. He added that she should never have any reason to call him again so I had nothing to worry about.

Well, she called again a couple of days later. I was crazy with jealousy and dissappointment. I just think that all it takes is once to make someone in the workplace who may be attracted to you (especially if they think you're OK with having an A, having heard you already did it) to think it's OK to cross certain lines. And no matter how innocent your intentions, it's not appropriate. I tried to explain to him that if he were in my shoes, he wouldn't like it. He half-heartedly agreed and said he would talk to her about it (whatever that means) and that it wouldn't happen again.

Did I have the right to interfere in the way my H does his job? Seems to me that he may need a little help drawing some boundaries of his own and I refuse to stand idly by and watch us step in the same $hit. Besides... even he has proven that he can't seem to handle the balance between personal and professional. Did I LB?

It's not a love buster to tell him about the things that upset you.

Since there are other managers to handle issues when he is not there, it is inappropriate for him to be getting phone calls from work on their shift. It's actually intrusion on the turf of the other managers. When they are there, employees are supposed to go to them.

Stand your ground on this one.

Hi Danni. That's tough.

Some questions: was the call from her HOME phone? If so, unless she's a manager (you said attractive young lady so I'm stereotyping here and picturing a hostess), this doesn't pass the "sniff test" for me.

My WW recently pulled the "I don't know what that number is" on me (when I knew darn-well that she did know)...so I'm maybe projecting a little.

I don't know what to say about LB--to me there is a fair amount of ambiguity around that. I mean, to DEMAND is like LB #1 or something if I recall. Yet NC often requires a demand (did for me). POJA is an alternative, if WS will agree, but they won't (didn't for me).

Anyway, I understand how you must feel. I think the fine line you are treading (and I am too, BTW) is the line between protecting yourself--or protecting WS from himself?--and encouraging honesty.

Ya know? Like if you lean too hard, you just make him be MORE secretive. The fact that he told you to call the # and find out who it was is either a bluff on his part, or radical honesty.

From my point of view (that of a FWS), I think you have the right to find out about these phone calls. I also would like to know if the calls orginated from the resturant or from this woman's home. How can they be biz related if coming from her home?

You H needs to prove that he is in the relationship. I agree....stand your ground!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> was the call from her HOME phone? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The call was from her cell phone. And there are a million and one ways she could have gotten his cell #. His story is that he had forgotten to call about some sort of training she had to attend and when he did he called from his cell. (I curse caller ID) The other is that H and her ex-boyfriend, a bartender there, are good friends. She may have gotten the # from him.

Regardless, my point is that this is inappropriate for a man in recovery for having an A. It's also wrong for her to assme no one is going to mind her borderline personal phone calls.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Since there are other managers to handle issues when he is not there, it is inappropriate for him to be getting phone calls from work on their shift. It's actually intrusion on the turf of the other managers. When they are there, employees are supposed to go to them.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is how FWH got himself into trouble to begin with. He thinks he can be everyone's dad/ big brother. Problem is a lot of women find this an almost irresisitable quality... "taking care of people". And the fact that the line between personal and professional gets so blurred, there's only one direction this can go in.

He said he was actually suprised when she called again. (suprised or flattered?) Said he guessed I was right about employees getting the wrong impression of what was OK very quickly and that he would "handle" it. The day after he had to hop an emergency flight to Puerto Rico, so he didn't have a chance to address it with her. Since he has the cell phone with him, she could be calling on a regular basis and I wouldn't even know. I mean he's a liar and a cheat, right? (you get the point.) I guess we'll see how serious he is about recovery.

What cell phone company does he have? You can probably get a list of incoming and out going calls. Why not get it and find out if he’s lying?