I'm feeling the strain of single parenting three kids who have decided to all go through puberty at the same time! It's not easy! I know I sound very whiny, but I just never dreamed I would be going through this. It's been weeks since the kids have seen their dad, and well...
I can handle the rejection and the breakdown of my marriage, but my kids are totally innocent in all of this, and it just doesn't seem fair!!
I JUST HAD TO VENT!!!!!
Anyone going through this????
KK

KK,

I know what you are going through. I have custody of two of my kids. I understand the stress of raising them on your own.

I don't know about your WS, but my WS likes to just call anytime that she is ready to see the kids. I have tried to be nice about it and I have finally come to the point that I am going to have a detailed list of dates and time that she can have the kids and I think that it will help your situation a lot.

Indy

kk2002 - I can hear you loud and clear - I never wanted to be a single parent either but that is exactly what I am facing - today is my divorce date - a little freaked but I am making it thru - I have two girls 9 and 12 - and my 9 year old is angry at her Dad but she doesn't want to tell him because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings - my 12 yr old well she is in 7th grade and basically thinks about herself only - she cares but keeps to herself - the puberty thing is hard but I think in the long run they are going to know that we are the parents that were there for them and that they can depend on for anything. My husband sees the girls on Tuesdays and they sleep over on Fridays - they really don't want to go but I make them - I want them to have a relationship with him - but he doesn't really know what to do with them. Actually in my case he is actually paying more attention to them now then he did when he lived here. I guess the single mother thing is very overwhelming on some days but I believe in the long run the good times are going to out weigh the bad - We will all get through this somehow.. Good Luck !!! And I hope your day gets better....

THanks Indy,
Part of the problem is that he hasn't expressed ANY desire to see the kids....
Very sad...
KK

kk2002

Your post really caught my eye because it is so true. We never ever anticipate being a single parent and when it happens we can become quickly overwhelmed. It takes 2 people to create a child and (in my opinion) the same applies to raising a child. I am now parenting a 19 year old (don't let them tell you any different, you still have to parent them at that age) and a 17 year old. When my husband passed away last November my daughter (19) figured that things would get kind of lax as far as expectations were concerned. Boy, was she in for a shock. I was NOT the pushover she anticipated. In my experience children tend to think that the Mom is the softie and that Dad is the strong wielding force in the family. They might want to take advantage of that. Mine attempted and found herself fending for herself. It was a bit of tough love but there was nothing else I could do. (btw, she is back home after spending 5 months out of the loop). My son (17) accepted his new responsibilites with only a few reservations. I kept life as close to as what it had always been for them when Dad was still with us. I did sit with each of them and explained my position and asked them what they thought that they could do to help make the transition easier. I asked them what they needed me to do also. No, they did not ask for it, they were innocent bystanders that got caught in the fallout.

Your children have been thrown into this and not of their choosing. You might try what I did. Sit down and talk with them..each individually and then as a group. See what they are feeling and offer to help them work through those feelings. Maybe they need a little something extra from you and the same applies for you. Maybe you need a little extra something from them. Since they are nearing (if not actually in) puberty they can be counted on in many areas of running a household. Explain to them that there will need to be changes made. Explain that unfortunately it is not of your choosing, but that you all have to make the best of it. When they are upset and miss their Dad, find a way for them to communicate with him even if they cannot "see" him. Suggest phoning him, writing a letter (snail mail) or even an email. Sometimes just that alone will make them feel more connected and less abandoned by him. Kids will act out when they feel abandoned, maybe that is part of the problem. Help them feel connected in some way. It cannot but help make the situation at home a little bit more bearable.

I realize that my situation is a bit different because their Dad did not choose what happened. But, children can feel abandoned no matter what circumstances lead to a parent not being there when they need them.

I sure do not have much to offer but I hope this might help you feel less alone in your parenting.

Always
committed

kk-I think he is in a big fog regarding the kids, it will hit him one day. THe drinking could really confuse him and make him so much not who he is. i am sorry you are going through this.

Honey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi
I lnow exactly how you feel, I'm raising three boys and often feel resentful that H left me to look after his children. I know they are mine as well but I find it so difficult to deal with boys going through puberty. My H does see the children at least once a week but this summer I put my foot down and insisted they went to stay with him for half the holiday. It did us all good and I feel a lot less stressed. Yes there was a downside- I had to accept the children staying with H's OW and now have to contend with comparisons from them but it still meant that H and sons rel. is stronger and I had a much needed break.
Jante

Dear Committed,
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. Your ideas on single parenting are great, and having a family "session" is something we do from time to time. I am reluctant to have the kids write or call their dad because everytime they've done so, the rejection (of him not answering) is almost harder on them. I'm trying to talk with him about this.

Honey,
Thanks for answering, I will try to talk with you later. Hope things are good with you.

Jante,
That's neat that your kids see your WH once a week, I think that would relieve some of my stress, but then again it could create more if that means they are also having to be around the OW,
ARGHH!!!!!
I didn't sign up for this!!!!!!!!!!
KK

By the way....
WH told a good friend of ours the other day that he was expecting me to file for divorce any time now???
Does this mean he wants me to, or he's afraid i will, OR WHAT?????

JMHO

It sounds like the comment a person would make when they know that their behavior warrants some type of action from someone.

Such as, being caught missing curfew. Looking at Mom and saying, "I expect I am grounded" would be the logical thing to say. That's not to say that he is thinking logically though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Cause we all know, that "ain't" likely to happen with WSs.

Always
committed

kk,

Yes, I know all too well the strain of single parenting

three kids who have decided to all go through puberty at the same time!

Gee I only have 1 going through puberty but it's tough at times to give YS what he needs. I couldn't imagine 3 at once! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> My YS last came home from school & announced he had a date but didn't know where to take her! ( His sister & I made comments then ended up calling his older brother for advice)


It's been weeks since the kids have seen their dad, and well...

I believe kids really need a Mom and a Dad to raise them, God designed the family that way. Too bad our WS's don't realize what they are missing.

My WH has only been home less than 1 week so far this year. During the summer, we spent 9 or 10 weeks where he was (didn't stay there) & kids only saw him 2 or 3 times and only for a short time. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I didn't sign up for this!!!!!!!!!!

That makes it even harder, we didn't choose this, thought we would be married till death do us part.

I find maintenence things particularly hard as I am not mechanically minded. It took me over 2 months to figure out how to use the yard equipment!!! Things are falling into disrepair and I don't have the skill nor the finances to get them fixed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I have prayed for Godly mentors for my kids. There are several of my daughters friends that hang out at our home because they feel comfortable talking to me & they don't have that at home. (That makes me feel good!)

Somehow kk, you will get what you need from God. Trust in Him.

God Bless,
D.