My stepdaughter (12) has some issues she is dealing with. She asked me to post this as she values your opinions and believes that you can give her insight.

I posted this on Emotional Needs too. <a href="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=8&t=012198" target="_blank">
Here's the link to it </a>

Wow, for such a young lady, you have been through so much and seen so many things that children should not be exposed to.

Even if Jack or Michelle or your RealMom never apologize to you for all the pain they caused in your life, you should still try to forgive them all, NOT because what they did to you was okay, but because you cannot move forward in your healing until you just forgive them and let God deal with their consequences.

No, it is not wrong for you to feel so much hatred toward your brother. He caused you to suffer a lot and that makes us feel resentment. It's only natural. But resentment can grow into bitterness and you don't want that because it will affect how you treat all people, not just your perpetrators. And, although you will never be the same because of all this that has happened to you, you can come to a place of contentment and well-being.

Thank God you have a great mother in zorweb, who will protect you and take action when things go wrong. I doubt if you will have to do anything to make sure Jack is never alone with you ever again in life! Not as long as you live in zorweb's house! I guarantee you she won't ever let that happen! Neither will your dad, now that he knows! Don't you wish you had told them sooner? Isn't it funny how our minds work when we are small, we believe that the person taking advantage of us has so much power when they are really scared of being caught themselves!!! They are more scared of being caught than we are of telling! WE just don't know that until after they get their way with us... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

You sound like you are doing okay. You'll get through this. I don't know if you know this, but I have been praying for you! Yes! And from the bottom of my heart! I'm glad that you are trying to move forward and I will keep praying that you do.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that what happened to you was okay because nothing will ever make it okay what was done to you--but forgiveness gives you freedom from needing apologies or repayment from what was stolen from you. It will allow a door to open for God to repay consequences to the ones who caused you all this trouble. And you, you get to go on with your life and start loving yourself and rebuilding your self-worth! You are worth so much! You should be proud of yourself! You are a survivor! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have not been through the pain you are and have been dealing with, little Z. And for that reason, I cannot offer any advice. I can however, offer you some 'cyber hugs', in the hopes that it is another reminder that we're all here thinking about you, and wanting to help you to feel safe.

(((((((((( little Z ))))))))))

Thank you for sharing your story. That was an incredibly BRAVE thing to do. We're so proud of you!!!

Karen

BINthereDUNthat and Topie25

Thanks for writing to me. I appreciate what you have said. One thing that surprised me is that I did not expect anyone here to have been through things like I have. Since it’s time to leave for school I’ll respond after school today.

littleZ

Little Z,

Wow! For you to come forward at your age to talk about these things is an incredibly brave thing to do! You should be proud of yourself; for the strong and confident young woman you are becoming.

IMHO, forgiveness is not something that just happens, it is a process. Something that occurs over time. As much as I know you'll hate hearing this... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , time (and a good IC) will help you heal.

<BOLD>"1) How should I act with Jack in the future? Should I ever see him again?"</BOLD>

This is your decision, something you need to discuss with yout IC. There are no easy answers at this point. Your brother is a sexual predator but, before that he was most definitely a victim. You'll have to behave in a way that you can live with, that makes you comfortable and doesn't put your safety (or anyone else's) at risk.

<BOLD>2) The RTC program has the goal of healing him and returning him to our home. I don’t want to ever live with him again. Am I wrong to feel that way?</BOLD>

No, you aren't wrong to feel this way. I imagine your reaction is normal. Your brother has done some terrible things. His behaviour is a reminder to you of a terrible past. His presence is probably a reminder, as well.

<BOLD>3) Can I ever trust him in the future? Can he really be healed or is he just going to keep being a sexual offender? I know that he is a victim too. But what he did to me and the other girls is wrong also.</BOLD>

I'll be honest here. I think you are a smart young lady and to lie to you would be a huge disservice to you. The recidivism rate for sexual offenders is high. That means the odds say that, yes, he will probably re-offend. It doesn't mean he definitely will re-offend, it means that there is a strong possibility he will.

<BOLD>4) I love my brother but I hate Jack. Does that make sense? I am very confused about all this. Should I just hate him for what he has done and forget about him?"</BOLD>

There is nothing wrong with loving your brother. What you hate is his behaviour, not the person. As much as you'd like to forget, your past is a part of you. Your past does not rule who you become. You can do a couple of things here. You can let your past determine your choices, rule your life and drag you down. OR...you can learn from the past, let it make you stronger and become a better and wiser person.

Are you in IC now? There are wonderful post-sexual abuse IC out there. They are truly miracle workers! You have nothing to be embarassed about, you have done nothing wrong. Actually, you have shown amazing courage by coming forward and telling your story. Remember....
You have options here. Choose wisely.

zor, and little Z,

I am so sorry for the pain that you have had to endure.

I can't imagine the pain and hurt, and really have no words to share with you , but wanted you to know that I did read the story and was touched that such a young person has such courage.

I am thinking of you both and the rest of your family and wil pray for you at bedtime tonight!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BINthereDUNthat, Topie25, mgm, daybreak,

I posted this on the Emotional Needs thread too.

(ignoring baba2 as is only right)

I am overwhelmed with the responses you have given littleZ. Most brought tears to my eyes. It’s wonderful that those of you who have experienced similar things in your life were able to share your experience and what you learned from it here.

Posting this and reading all of these replies has been a very emotional experience. It’s going to take us a bit to deal with all the posts, all the input. LittleZ and I read all of your posts after school last night. She is amazed by all of you, your love and you reaching out to her. Then we spent the evening discussing them. I want you to know that you have given her a wonderful gift here. I get the impression that her healing took a huge step forward here.

Gee, I’m really speechless right now… and you all know that’s really something for me. I really cannot say much more right now except thank you, a am overwhelmed. We will need a day or so to process all of this. LittleZ says that she wants to address things with you.

LittleZ wrote a reply to let all of you know now much you have helped her. I will forever be greatful to all of you for the changes in her and the realizations she has come to since she read all of your replies. (Again I only showed her the good ones. She saw none of the adult arguing and mean posts.)

Her response is long as she shares all that you have taught her. So here's a link to the thread on Emotional Needs where I posted it.
Her response is the second post on this page.

Thank you, all of you for helping me with this. Seems that littleZ is coming back from her private h3ll.

Wow, Zor and little z,

I read the first post and was amazed by the story and the strength of such a young person!! I hadn't followed the story the last couple of days, I am sorry for the ambush you must have felt Zor. KNow that there really are more people out here to support and love you then those blasting away.

I see great things ahead for you and your family!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />