Hi, L&H. I couldn't find that post with the Plan B letter either. I KNEW that would happen - my failing memory. But luckily I had copied those posts into a document so I'd have them on my computer!
At the risk of overloading you with too MUCH information <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'll copy the letters I have seen here. Maybe some of the long-time experts can tell us how to search and find stuff like that.
****** CRITERIA FOR PLAN B LETTER ******
1. I love you (or I did)
2. I married you for life
3. I want to stay married to you
4. This thing that you are doing is too painful for me to endure
5. To protect myself from further pain I am separating from you
6. Please do not contact me until the issue is addressed.
7. At that point I want to repair the M
****** LETTER #1 *************
My dearest love,
I once loved you more than anyone or anything else on this planet. I remember how good that was and I would like to be able to restore that.
When I married you, it wasn't just for life. If you remember, the vow I took was forever. I meant it. I want to stay married to you. Remember how the song went? “I’m gonna love you forever, forever and ever, amen.”
Your continuing abuse of our marriage has all but destroyed the love I had for you. And more than that, it is destroying my dignity and self-respect. It is painful beyond belief.
I cannot let this continue another day. So it is with much sadness that I send this to you.
My hope and my wish is that we can work this out, but I must stop the pain here right now.
When you have taken steps to remove the obstacles – and by that I mean not only your safety net, your mistress, but also your resistance to working on our marriage – then I’ll be willing to start over again. I really want to be with you. I miss you. I miss loving you.
Until then, I ask that you not contact me except in the case of extreme necessity.
There are some financial issues to discuss. I will pay the USB pmt. and all associated house expenses. I will not be accruing anything towards the taxes. I will pay the Exp. pmt. but not the Dodge. I would ask you to pay 1/2 of the vehicle insurance and 1/2 of the homeowners insurance. Our GM card is paid in full through the last statement. I will transfer any new business charges off of there to my card, but I will not pay any of the rest of the new charges. Obviously, I will not use it again as of today.
I'm sorry Baby that it’s come to this. I love you so much.
P
****** LETTER #2 ******
Robin,
This is the hardest letter I've ever written. I would first like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in the demise of our marriage. I foolishly perused my own interests assuming you would simply follow along and be ok with it. I neglected your needs and failed to give you the praise that you deserved and needed so many times. I was selfishly caught up in myself, and with my selfishness and foolishness I helped create a void in our marriage that allowed this affair to happen. You were always there for me when I needed you. There were so many times you needed me and I was not there for you, you will never know how much I regret that. I was wrong, very wrong and I apologize to you from the bottom of my heart for all the pain I have caused you.
I did not understand what it took to have a successful and fulfilling relationship, or how to meet your needs. I can’t sit here and say that I now know all that I need to know about relationships but I can however honestly say that I have learned a lot about honoring, cherrishing, and companionship. I want to learn even more about how to be a supportive and loving man. The type of man that I hope you would be proud of to call your husband; the same pride I felt so many times when I called you my wife.
More than anything else in this world, I would like to be able to put the mistakes of the past behind us and build a better life together. I want us to strive to meet each other’s needs and avoid making the same mistakes that got us to the place we find ourselves now and more than anything else I want to give you the life that you deserve. I want to create the kind of life for us that it should have been from the very beginning.
Since October, I've been trying to give you hope for the marriage by learning how to be a better husband to you. To give you hope that you could return to a marriage that you wanted, and for us to build our family together. But I cannot do this while your affair continues. I have waited patiently for this to end and it has been very difficult, and I'm afraid that my stamina for this is waning. In order to protect the love that I feel for you, I believe it would be best for us not to have contact. I cannot continue to see or talk with you while the affair with OB continues. This is not to punish you---it's to give our marriage the best chance to survive"
Until then I must avoid seeing you or talking to you.Also I won't be able to help you financially. There are a few specific bills we have that need to be addressed. The first is the car insurance, the second is daycare expense, and the third is our life insuranse. My solution to this is we split them. Since I won't be in contact, the best way to do this will be for you to pay the the car and life insureance and I'll pay all of the daycare.
If you come up with a better solution please let me know. I will give you the payment book for the mortgage for that house. I of course will take care of this house. Jennifer and Theresa have made arrangements to either be here when You bring Abbey over, or will pick her up from you. If you need to reach me at work Lyndi has agreed to relay what ever you need to communicate.
I hope that you will understand that I am not doing this to hurt you or punish you but to protect my feelings for you and any chance of reconciliation in the future. I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way.You must know the pain and suffering I have endured because of your relationship with OB. I feel my love for you slipping away. Therefore in order to protect my feelings for you I can no longer see you under the current conditions.
When you are willing to end relations with OB and are willing to enact the measures necessary to ensure that. I will be ready and willing to discuss our future together.
I want us to build a life together that is built on meeting each others basic emotional needs and to avoid the things that got us to the place we now find ourselves. I love you Robin, I want you to be my wife. I know I have hurt you in the past and I never want to make you feel that way again. The night I proposed to you I meant what I said. I want you to be my wife, and the mother of my children. I want to grow old with you. I still imagine our little "Liam", running around, another child with his mothers good looks, zeal for life and his daddy's sharp wit and sense of humor. I want us to have a lifestyle in which we will never have to separate again. I want to be your best friend and confidant, the one person who is always there for you. I love being your number one cheerleader. I want you to be my best friend and confidant, my cheerleader.
I have tried the best that I know how to express my love for you and my desire to have you in my life as my wife again. I don’t know what else to say. I could hold on, make myself a nuisance of myself but I love you too much to cause you anymore pain than I already have. I just really needed you to know how much I still love you and how sorry I am for all the mistakes that I made. They say that we should learn from our mistakes, and I know that’s true but I just wish the lesson didn’t cost so much.
I loved you when we met and I love you more today than I did when we first married. I am dedicated to make our marriage a place you will really want to be.
I love you Robin,
Bill
******** LETTER #3 ********
My W'S NAME,
I apologize to you for my part in creating the environment that helped
make your affair with OM possible. Although I've ALWAYS loved you with my
heart and soul, I made you feel that EVERYTHING was more important to me
than you. It never was the case, but that is how I made you feel and for
that W I am sorry. I also never understood how much having a home meant to
you. I guess I never understood what a home was until you left. A place
where the grandchildren are safe. I know, I understand now.
I said and did many things in anger that I never meant. I know I hurt
you. But believe me, whenever you hurt so do I. I wish I never did them,
but what can I do now. If I had known what I know now, it never would have
happened. I would hurt back when I was hurt. I have learned this is wrong
and through the counseling I am getting, have learned to stop it. I have
also learned not to internalize things so much. This is still hard for me
but I am trying.
I foolishly pursued my business AND a job AND my hobbies at the same time
without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important
emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most and we
are now both suffering for my mistake. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I
have made in the past and create a NEW life for us that will meet your
needs. I truly believe that it is possible with what I have learned. But I
cannot do that until you end your relationship with OM once and for all.
Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be
able to help you financially. I have made arrangements with our friend Dave
Home (617) 999-9999 cell (817) 888-9999 Office (800) 777-7777 if there
is a family emergency, or something we need to communicate about our S or D
or any other matter, it will have to be done through Dave. If you visit
them, I will not be there.
I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you in this way.
You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your
relationship with OM I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing you
with are living with him. As I told you Friday night, I can't fight for our
marriage alone anymore. I am weary. I still love you, and I will still
pray for you, but I cannot see you under these conditions any longer
W, I have felt this way for some time but couldn't bring myself to tell
you while your Father was dying. I wanted to be there to help you and the
Family as you did for me when my Father was dying. I loved your Father and
also needed to be with him. I didn't want any "uncomfortable" times between
us to add stress to your Mother to you or anyone else in the family.
As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OM, I will be
willing to talk about our future, and the future of our family.
I want to be able to rebuild our Marriage someday. I want us to be able
to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt
each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do
makes us both happy. Then, there will never be a need for us to separate or
to have "friends" other than each other again. I want to be your best
friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you
as my best friend.
I have spent my whole life loving you W. The first 30 years I spent
looking for you and the last 14 + as your Husband. I loved you when God
first brought us together as I love you right up to this day. I just cannot
be with you or help you anymore as long as you are seeing OM. Now our
Marriage is in God's hands.
With all my love FRANK
***** END *****
Hope that helps. You take care now.
