As some of you have read, my WW and I will be seperating soon. As you can see by my signature line I had an EA about 6 years ago and actually told my wife, who was 3 months pregnant with my second son, that I wanted out of the marriage. I still to this day get sick to my stomach even thinking about that day. She being pregnant and already having a 3 year old at home was scared to lose me. She has told me if she would have been stronger she would have just said goodbye then. I don't believe we ever dealt with the real issues then. I never asked for forgiveness for wanting out or for having the EA. Is it too late to ask for forgiveness? I wanted to ask her for her forgiveness when she moves out. I feel like I need that. I know she may not even be able to forgive me for that at this time. But, I want her to know that I need her forgiveness for me to heal myself. I need it for me. I live with that burden everyday of my life. I just didn't know if it was a good or bad time to ask her for it.

TORO

DO IT! Its never too late and this probably contributed to where she is at now. Keep us posted. Good luck!

I second Ezra's comment.

Dear Toro,

I offer you this advice with compassion and concern,
Be very careful about what you tell her..

Seeking her forgiveness should not come from your own need to be exonerated. You must deal with the pain you caused regardless of your spouses actions and responses...
I say this because if you approach her asking forgiveness in the name of making you feel better there is a great chance it will blow up in your face....telling her you need her forgiveness to feel better about you is a dangerous approach...she can easily come back on the defense with all kinds of responses...and not necessarily the kind you seek...

Why are you waiting till she moves out...it can be construed as waiting till the last minute...as a ploy to throw her off course...as a last ditch effort....she may not think it stems from sincerity but from fear..

When one seeks forgiveness to make themselves feel better..it can at times belittles the hurt feelings of the one wronged...Forgiveness sought to ease your own burden.
Be prepared that she may not "care right now" if you can or do heal yourself ....

Seek forgiveness from her based only on acknowledging the pain and hurt you caused her...seek it by feeling her pain...her hurt and betrayal...leave out any and all references to how it is something for you...it must be for her...

By your own statement that you two never really dealt with the issues is a warning flag that a lot of feelings on both sides has never been dealt with...and there is a lot of stored up hurt in both of you...

Torro being responsible for your actions is your burden alone..and she can not relieve that and it is unfair to ask her to....this is not to say that there is not forgiveness and healing...but that come from facing yourself and forgiving yourself...

Forgiveness is best sought with no strings attached...that you will accept her answer without placing her in a position of having power over you...to make it right with you...she never asked for that power...and rarely is it desired.

drop forgiveness from your vocabulary when with her and seek to ease HER pain and burden.

Know that I do not believe for an instant that this is one sided...and that all WS spouses are "bad"...and BS are "good"...marriages take two people...and a lot of work...but since this has never been dealt with...forgiveness is one of the last steps...but you two haven't taken the first steps of dealing with this issue...

My concern is that if you address this issue the way outlined above..it will come off as shallow and a defensive move...NOT that that is your motivation...but we all know how words can get twisted faster than a pair of knickers...

Think carefully about your timing and words...approach her compassionately and lovingly with out placing her in a position to be responsible for making it better with you...She may not be able to..protect yourself torro, but make it safe for her as well...

It's only advice and may be way off...but it's what I think...(and you did ask <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
ARK