Sorry, H would not like it if he saw these here.

wanting

<small>[ September 23, 2002, 05:47 PM: Message edited by: wanting ]</small>

That would be enough to put me over the top.

<small>[ September 20, 2002, 09:09 PM: Message edited by: dredthesilence ]</small>

This is an AFFAIR, no ifs, ands or buts!

Thank you dredthesilence and Spacecase for your replies.

My H say's it's not. I believe that it is. He will not agree to NC because in his eyes there's no reason to.

What do I do? How do I move forward unless he at least acknowledges the truth?

I'm not perfect here. I was a WS. H said he had forgiven me. I thought we were trying to rebuild. I think this was a revenge affair. I know that my H has known the OW longer than he has known me. I don't know what to do.

Any suggestions?

It's an affair, no doubt.

Just tell him that you are not stupid. He can deny it all he wants by it's obvious and you just don't buy his lie.

It's an affair and they slept together. Either that or you must be a crazy nut <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> [which is what he is probably trying to tell you!]

Why is she so illiterate? Is English her second language? It also sounds like a sex for money arrangement.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wanting:
<strong>Sorry, this is long.

Here is the text of two emails that I found in my H's mailbox. He says that there is nothing going on. I want to believe him but... What do you think? I don't know what to do. All advice is welcome.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't NEED his admission to know that this is the truth. You already know the truth.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wanting:
<strong> How is my two bags of pure water and straw in between you laps. I hope you are guiding them jealously for me.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Uh. She just said that she hoped he was jealously guarding his genitals for her.

I'd be willing to bet oral sex was part of their A. And yeah, no doubt it was an A.

Sheesh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Mere

zorweb: He can deny it all he wants by it's obvious and you just don't buy his lie.

It is obvious. He is lying. I don't buy it. Why? How can we move forward without honesty? Should I act as if? Isn't that building a M on a foundation of sand? Isn't the M destined to collapse? I don't get it.

MelodyLane: Why is she so illiterate? Is English her second language?...You already know the truth.

Yes, English is her second language. What do I do with the knowledge? It's beginning to make me think that I'm crazy. That somehow I'm making it all up. That's why i posted the mails here. I was beginning to believe him.

Merentha: Uh. She just said that she hoped he was jealously guarding his genitals for her.

Bingo!!! That's how I read it also. H say's he has no idea what she means.

...if it walks like a duck... This is an A!! Your WH can deny all he wants, it's pretty obvious. You know what's going on...our opinions are just confirming what you already know! At this point, I wouldn't make any hasty decisions, you aren't in the right frame of mind. Don't do anything you may regret later. The two of you need MC, right now!!! If he won't go, then you go alone to start,you need all the support you can get. No LB's and try to plan A. Most importantly, look after yourself. The stress can really get to you in this situation.

Hey, this OW's a GOLD DIGGER or a HOOKER!!!!

Your H is not only having an A, he is being robbed in broad daylight.

She has taken $$ how many times? How much more is the WS going to keep giving her?

Protect your family's assets.

The OW works at the airport? Just a thought? You may want to do a background check to see what she is REALLY up to!

I don't want to panic you....... but the info in her e-mail shows that while illiterate in the English language, she has high marks in the manipulation skills in any language.

JMHO,
L.

<small>[ September 21, 2002, 03:21 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

---"Hey, this OW's a GOLD DIGGER or a HOOKER!!!!"

From her language, manner of speach (I'm not talking about the second language thing.) she is both. I picked it up on the first read. But it did not crystalize until Orchid said that.

I'd be very careful of my health if I were you. You may want to go get tested for STD's.

Yep, a gold digger, in both of her responses she mentions money, and then goes on to say how much she loves him. And she is none too subtle about it either.

mgm: our opinions are just confirming what you already know!

This is confirmation that i really needed. H has been telling me nothing is going on for months now. I was begining to question my sanity. He's pretty convincing.

Orchid: She has taken $$ how many times? How much more is the WS going to keep giving her?

I wish i knew the answers to these questions also. Where do you begin when there's nothing but denial? This can go on forever if the truth is never faced.

zorweb: You may want to go get tested for STD's.

I was tested for all the STD's when i first found out. I have never been so embarassed. Trying to explain. My doctor was very understanding. Everything came back negative this time. What does the future hold?

$250.00 is a lot out of anyone's budget. So if he knows you have read these e-mails, ask him what else has he given her? If he denies it, then request that a neutral 3rd party accompany you to ask her or let him know that a full investigation will commence to see if she is a menance to your family. Let him know that it sounds like extortion or blackmail. Now if he wants to be still in denial, he should want his name cleared. If he doesn't want his name cleared let him know that you will seek other options and don't tell him what those are.

$$$ has a funny way of bringing people back to reality.

JMHO,
L.

Orchid: $250.00 is a lot out of anyone's budget.

Fortunately I have always insisted that we maintain three pots of money ("Yours", "Mine" and "Ours"). The "Ours" pot only has money in it to run our household/pay for our kids. We each contribute to it on a monthly basis. It has always been like this (15 years). H giving to her has no $$ effect on me.

Wanting,

Maybe that's contributing to the problem. I have been told that since my H has his own business he needed his own account. He does not want me into that account but would give me money for family expenses which I use primarily out of my/our family bank account. Now even with this, the WS still thought that when he spent money on the OW and their lifestyle that it was none of my business.

Well it was and it is. We met with a couselor and even our elders. Both said that his separate finances are partially responsible for his thinking he could lead a separate life. Arrrgh..... this made me angry. But you know what? H's sister and her H have 4 businesses and she has access to all of his accounts and he doesn't have a problem with it. There is constant communication and respect.

There's the ticket. So now that is what we are trying to do. H is still self-employed but now I have full access to his account and we talk about it regularly.

So if I was in your shoes (based on what you wrote) , I would tell your H that you are offended that he would spend any money brought in by any family member in your household on something or someone who is ant-family.

Same principal if a child spent his allowance on drugs. ya know?!?!?!

Just a thought.
L.

Orchid,

You've definitely given me something to think about. I've got to run now (taking the kids for swim lessons). Thanks for turning a light on.

<small>[ September 22, 2002, 02:06 PM: Message edited by: wanting ]</small>