I'm sorry for this major rant but my taker has taken over. All the hurt, all the blame, all the unfairness, all the waste, all the stupidity. I just can't believe it. My mind is filled with LB's. I loved, sacrificed, stood by my H through thick and thin. A LOT of THIN. I never asked for much in return. What thanks do I get. He runs off with a 25 yr. old he barely knows and destroys our family, and I'm the one trying to work on our R. I'm the one trying to fix my flaws. I'm the one doubting my worth. I'm the one trying to better myself. Amicable Divorce? NOT NOW! I'm tired of being the "nice" one. The one everybody loves. Yea, everybody but him. I know this is totally Anti-MB. Sorry I can't help it. I can't sleep it's like I want to call him and let him know how awful this has all been, how he's hurt and humiliated me, how he has damaged my self-esteem. Yet he hids from everything in his little safe cocoon 1000 miles away from all the pain. I can't even imagine being nice to him right now, the thought of him, her, what has happened makes me ill. I admire those who have been through worse than I and can Plan A and do what it takes to save their M. I don't know if I can anymore. I don't know if I care anymore. I just want to be free from this, I want this pain and sorrow OUT of my life.

Hi Ute...so sorry for how hurt you are feeling, my heart aches for you. I really dont think a 25 yr old and 43 yr old can have a good relationship, she is just too young. I think you need to be patient a bit longer, i know it seems impossible. I dont know if i told you this, but the OW in our life is 51 yrs old and WH is 46 yrs old. That to me is very scary, cause i feel like she knows more about everyting, better sex, better communication skills, lots more to talk about and more knowledge about things than me. I feel very inferior. You on the other hand, have this little girl, that probably knows **** about anything. You just need for him to see that and its gonna take time. Do they live together now? and if so how long have they been living together. Try to do a bit of both, keep plan a'ing , tell him that you love him, and always will no matter what happens in the future. Sounds like you are at the point where you are just plain fed up. I would say yes, be fed up, if it makes you feel better, cause you have been through a lot. Im sorry, i am not very much help. I guess the best i can say, is just try to sit back and see if this relationship with her will all unravel on its own. And while your sitting back, get the attiude in your head, well i am gonna move on, and if he comes back he does, if not well i tried my best. Dont lovebust when you see him or talk to him, and still plan A. People here plan a for years before they give up. I felt last week to quit i have only been in this mess a little over 2 months. I was ready to ask my WH to leave cause i couldnt stand the pain anymore. So i admire you how much you have endured. If i can only hang in there that long, as you have. I think i have made some progress with WH , but all will be wasted when December comes and she returns, i will probably be back to square one, plan aing all over again. Anyway, Sharon, as i said i know i am not much help, cause you know i dont know what the heck i am doing half the time. I hope Lor or Orchid will read your post and answer, they are much more knowledgable than me. Take care and god bless you, sweetie......A/C0810

Thanks A/C,
I know, everything you said sounds right I just don't really feel it right now. I am so sorry for your situation. In a lot of ways I feel it is so much more difficult for you, your H there, etc. I don't want you to give up hope either. I am glad you are making progress. I guess that is why I am so down, there has been absolutely NO progress for me. Things just get worse. The longer he is gone the more I think he is adjusting to life on his own. With or without OW.

I feel for you and your feelings of inadequecy about the OW. BELIEVE ME. Our OW, is smart young, beautiful college grad, world traveler, business woman. Everything I am not. YOU must remember though that the OW in your case is an internet fantasy. I bet she is not portraying her true self to your H. He will find this out. You can cover up alot, and make yourself very attractive when you are over the computer. Think about it that is why Harrleys tell us to talk to our WS in e-mail and on the phone to WS. SO WE CAN CHOOSE OUR WORDS CAREFULLY AND PUT OUR BEST FOOT FORWARD WITHOUT LB's. do you think OW does not do this in your case. I am SURE you can measure up, no, surpass her. YOU CAN.

Have a good weekend. Thanks so much for the help.
Sharon