A week or so into plan B and so far my W has complied with no contact, with the exception of one message left on my answering machine regarding our daughter. I spoke to her about it when I called to talk to our daughter. She wanted to know if she could take her for a few hours next Sunday (my weekend) to go to her nephew's baptism. Since I don't have any plans for my daughter, I didn't want to say no for the sake of saying no.

Anyway, it's been two weeks since I gave my W the paperwork she needed to put the house on the market. So far she hasn't, as far as I know. There's nothing stopping her except that she might like living in the house with me paying half the mortgage, although she's the one who wants to sell it. My question is, I want some time for plan B to sink in, but on the other hand
selling the house is the next step. I'm pretty content where I am, but I don't want the situation to linger for months either. It's time for her to sh*t or get off the pot. Any advice?

sad dad

<small>[ September 23, 2002, 02:19 AM: Message edited by: sad dad ]</small>

Hey SD- sounds to me like you are doing an excellent job so far in Plan B. Are you using a realtor to list your house or selling it yourselves? When was the last time you talked to your W about listing the house? Was she hesitant or all for it? lifeismessy

lim,

Nice to hear from you. Hope all is well.

To answer your questions, we are going to sell the house ourselves. We did it once before and it sold quickly. The last time we talked about it was 2 weeks ago. I gave her a copy of the market analysis, along with blank real estate contracts and a real estate disclosure form. She is the one that brought it up several times after I moved out. She has all the paperwork she needs and I've left it up to her to get the house in order, put the ad in the paper, etc.

I've only been in plan B for a week, but so far it isn't bad. I do miss talking to her, but I don't miss the reasons she would call (mundane questions, problems around the house, needing favors - basically relying on me as a husband).

As important as it is for a WS to have no contact with the OP so they can move on, I think it's just as important for a BS to have no contact with the WS for the same reason. Continuing to be a part of her life on her terms will only make that more difficult and I'd only be hurting myself.

sad dad

hmmm... I'm leaning towards just chillin out for a couple more weeks. You're still pretty early in Plan B, so she's still having to process and adjust to this "new way of life". I'm not sure you should press the house issue right now. I realize you can't drag this out forever, but can you wait a couple of weeks?

I'm just thinking that some WS's need some time after they receive the Plan B letter to really decide if D is what they want. Selling the house is a big step towards D (and life without you), and a big decision for her. Let her think through it... for a little while longer.

agree.... would chill for a couple of weeks and see if / how things shape up. you can still force the situation & ratchet up the pressure by stopping mortgage payments or putting financial squeeze

sad dad - I'm with the others.

But remind me why you're paying half the mortgage?

WAT

faith1, nick, WAT,

I was leaning towards waiting a while too.

WAT, I'm still paying half the mortgage because she can't afford it on her own and I have a financial interest to protect. She may be the one that wants the D, but I chose to move out, so I think it's only right that I honor my financial commitments.

sad dad

OK, I understand about the mortgage.

One interpretation of Plan B would have you seek a legal separation specifying that your decision to vacate the premises was based on your W's decision to not end her affair and attempt to reconcile your marriage, thus she must assume all responsibilities for maintaining the house and its costs while you're separated, and must seek your removal from the mortgage obligations. Of course, she won't be able to qualify for the mortgage on her own and would be forced to sell. Darn, isn't life rough?

I'm not necessarily arguing this stance should be taken by you at this point, but you are denying her a full-featured Plan B that shows her ALL the consequences of her decisions.

Play the role, pay the toll.

In effect, you're still meeting her financial support EN, IMHO.

WAT

<small>[ September 23, 2002, 10:35 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

WAT,

I agree that I am still meeting her EN for financial support, but I'm doing it to protect MY own financial interest. For now, I think I'll just sit back and see if she pursues selling the house in the next few weeks.

I have an appt with my lawyer on Thursday to go over the custody agreement and I'll discuss the house issue with her then. Maybe there is something I can do legally to force her hand regarding the house, but I'm hoping she takes the initiative to do it herself. Like you, I want her to be totally responsible for all these decisions so she can never throw anything back in my face.

As far as I know, her EA is over, but you are correct that I moved out because of her refusal to attempt reconcilliation. Maybe there is something I can do legally to protect myself financially besides continuing to pay half the bills, thus filling her EN for financial security.

sad dad

just bumping