As many of you know it has taken along time getting to this point.

STBX's lawyer has the papers and should get them to my lawyer Tues or Wed and I am to sign them and they are to go to the judge.

I never believed that a divorce would actually happen, I guess my Faith got in the way of reality. I prayed for recovery of my marriage, and the Lord must have something else in store for me and my life, right now I am not seeing what that might be.

My STBX is ignoring his kids more and more and the sad part is that they are really not caring. He had been a good dad when he was home, (he traveled alot) but I guess I was the one that was making him a good dad, my reminding him of special events for the kids and nudging him to take each out on a date and spending one on one time with them. In the last 13 months he has not spent 3 weeks total with the girls, only spent more time with our son as he was living with dad til dad thought the divorce would be signed last May and the girlfriend could move in without the benefit of him marrying her.

I really thought that I would never be ready to sign these papers, but surprisingly I have no real dread about doing so.

I have watched sadly as my husband has done many stupid things the past 6 months, almost lost his military career (only because I didn't pursue the adultery charges), put his kids on ignore, has lost the respect of many of his friends and co-workers not to mention his superiorers.

It's sad to see this man that I loved and was so proud to stand next to allow himself to be someone that his own parents haven't called in a year. He commplained once that I was to controlling!!! He is setting in his car outside of his apartment talking on the cell phone to his own kids, as he can't talk to them when in her presence. He actually told the OD that he couldn't talk today and that he might call her tonight. Unfortunately she won't go off on him when he does these things, but boy do I get an earful and I do encourage her to talk with him.

Just a few thoughts as the end is near for my marriage. I miss the man that I loved and married and grew with over the years, I am missing the future that we were to have had together, the marriages of our children and the births of our grandchildren, the death of parents and the being there for one another, the accomplishments of careers. The things that grow within a marriage. These are things that my husband allowed to be taken from us in a moment of weakness, am I mad at him for that!!!

You bet I am mad, can I forgive him for allowing this to happen, I will, but I can still be mad and hurt that it happened.

Thanks for reading, and responding if you wish!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

[[[[[[dawn]]]]]]]

It is hard to find and count blessings in situations like this... but I have read the posts in which you have done so... those that find contentment in the life they have and look to Him for guidance... well... we are NOT just survivors but will THRIVE!

Cali

Cali,

Thanks for the positive words!! Then mean much to me!!!

I so hope some of the newbies will take the time to read, so that they will see that no matter what you are ok, if you chose to leave things with the Lord, good things will come down the road, might be a ways though!!!

I hope and pray that things in your own situation are continuing to be positive!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

DB,

I think it's great how you have been so positive! You know, things will happen for a reason, and you will find that life is better. It's like a new and fresh start in your life. Take everyday, a day at a time. Don't forget to "stop and smell the roses"!

Daybreak...Sorry you are going through this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I never believed that a divorce would actually happen, I guess my Faith got in the way of reality. I prayed for recovery of my marriage, and the Lord must have something else in store for me and my life, right now I am not seeing what that might be.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your faith didn't get in the way of reality. Your faith is reality. Without our faith nothing would be possible. Keep praying that God will restore your marriage. Our God is a God of miracles. Look in the bible and see how many miracles he performed. You can look around the world right now and see his awesome power.

Have you been to www.rejoiceministies.org

They will show you miracles happening everyday no matter the circumstances of the marriage.

Read James 1:1-12 and see how to have faith in God.
I am praying for you right now.

Love in Christ
Cajunky

<small>[ September 22, 2002, 07:14 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

JC and cajunky,

Thank you for the thoughts, words, and prayers I do appreciate them, I am not sure that I could be where I am today if it had not been for MBer's!!! I Love all of you guys. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Cajunky, I have struggled with the Faith=reality issue through much of this. I never let go of my Faith. I have continued to wonder if I am not to move on and let go of this marriage, as my husband was not a man of Faith, he went to church and did the things that were expected, but his Faith never showed through, I have wondered if I was to let go so that my Faith walk would become stronger. I will continue to pray for my STBX and the OW that the Holy Spirit will someday find a way into their hearts. At this time I do not really see either as being truly happy people and they should be on top of the world, it's been since 1979 that they have wanted to be together and that has now come to be as she has been living in UT since July, the divorce will be final and they can live as husband and wife soon, is that true happiness? I don't see either as happy on the inside, and that is something that I have, because I have my Savior.

At this point I don't know that I even want to pray for the restoration of my marriage, but I can pray for the father of my children.

If any of that makes since, I haven't had time to read the bible passage you quoted as my bible was left in the car last night, so will do that when I get to Sunday school in a few minutes.

Have a Super Sunday everyone!!!
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Dawn,

{{{Dawn}}} So sad for everyone. Tell us when you do sign.

Your best approach, faith-wise, right now is probably, "Thy will be done." I firmly believe that God answers our prayers. The answer just may not be in our time frame or the way we would pick. I have absolutely no doubt that God is very sad about all this, and He is there for you.

Your H is a sad, sad man. He has lost so much including the devotion of his family and also his honor. It is shameful what he has done to the children. I bet that one day he is going to be so ashamed and agonize over his loss. When the time comes, maybe the children can forgive him and rebuild some kind of relationship. They probably feel hurt and abandoned at this point. He has chosen this relationship with OW as being more important that the R with his children. It must be awful to see a once proud and upstanding leader stoop to sneaking out of his own home to talk to his children so he won't be in trouble with HER.

I'll be checking in on you this week.

Estes

Daybreak---I understand how you feel about not being able to grow old with your spouse and share all those special moments together and support each other in crisis to come. I have just filed for legal separation cause my WS is unwilling to make any changes, I decided to move on for my ulitmate well-being. I struggled with the faith thing too. I sometimes cannot understand how God can help someone getting a divorce but the scriptures say that we can divorce in cases of infidelity. Also in I Corinthians 7 it says that if the unbeliever wants to leave, God wants us to live in PEACE so we are not bound to someone who does not want to be married to us (my paraphrase).

It is a sad, sad day when a M ends. I understand why God hates divorce cause it is so destructive to so many not just the divorcing couple. But there is life after divorce and I know that I have struggled with my faith in GOD cause of the emotional stress of living with an alcoholic and infidel so I know that my faith definitely will have to become more consistent without all this doubting and musing.

I am scared about the future (leaving my beautiful home, leaving beyond financial security etc) but I am also confident that God can care for me just as He has these past many years. If you have a Savior in Jesus Christ, you will be cared for beyond your wildest dreams. God does not promise that HE will fix everything but He does promise help, strength and love for the journey.

(((((((((daybreak))))))))). Sorry for your divorce but keep growing in all the ways God wants for you. God bless your children.

TW

Estes and tossed,

I thank you so much for the words and support, my friends here mean so much to me, I hold each of you very dear.

As I have had to look back over the years of marriage there were some very good ones, we had a great family. But when I examine the last few years of this marriage, it was a very one sided marriage, with me doing most of it. Didn't see it at the time though! Marriage has to be two people wanting the same thing!!!!

tossed I too have read many of the verses concerning divorce in the bible, at first I really had a problem with my marriage failing and me failing God and not being able to let go for those reasons, I took my vows to heart!!! Now I am ok with having to be divorced, am not sure really when it became ok or what I was reading the made it click for me! But as Estes says "thy will be done" these are words that I have always include in each of my prayers, the Lord will take care of me and I am waiting to see what it is He wants for my life. So things are good!!

I do know that alot of me being ok is my attitude right now. I have down the rollercoaster thing with the ups and downs, but have tried to let the Lord have the problem and knowing that He will take care of what it is my husband has done and I don't need to worry about it!! Our God is an Awesome God!!! Thank you Lord!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ September 22, 2002, 09:15 PM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

Hi, hun.... BIG hugs for you...
{{{{{{{daybreak}}}}}}

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I hear ya, sister. Your thoughts and feelings are so much like mine were, and still are sometimes. You have a right to be angry, hurt, sad.... everything you've described. But you have what it takes to make it through this. I never thought I would make it, and I still wonder sometimes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . But we can. And especially by holding on to the Faith you've been talking about on this thread.

I'm glad you posted... for YOU... and for others to read as well. We are a community of support and growth. This IS reality - a reality that we're all facing head-on... and eventually working our way through... one way or another: Personal recovery... or Marital recovery. You are definitely one we can all look up to as an example of personal survival and growth. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

We're here for ya this week... keep us informed, k?

Thinking about you......Shouldn't be too far behind you in the D thing. The funny thing I accepted along time ago that my marriage was over, it is or was the idea of being divorced that was tearing me apart. I grew up where I knew no one who was divorced, nice Christian people didn't divorce

I heard something last night in the D class I'm going to .....they were talking about asking God what you should pray for, dummy me asks for what I want, but then someone said that as an off shoot of the idea of asking God what you should pray, was asking God whatever lesson God is trying to teach you, ask to get it the 1st time, so he wouldn't have to hit you over the head with a sledge hammer to get the point....

I felt like a light went off....because I had thought what was the answer to over a yr of prayers turned in to my worst nightmare,....I have had a hard time with that....

Dawn, you are doing great. will be thinking of you in the next wks, because no matter how well we think we are doing, everything being over is everything being over.

Hugs Dawn! I'm not too far behind you either. My heart breaks for you Dawn, but I know how strong you have been through all this and know that you continue to be strong in your faith and your love for your children. Through the tears and the fears, you have shown such strength of character. You are an inspiration to so many of us. You will be in my thoughts and prayers Dawn.
BH

Faith, sing, and BH,

Thanks for the kind words!!! It is so hard to stay strong and on the right path, I have made many mistakes along this journey and have thought of very mean and evil things to do to get back at being hurt, but know that they are wrong and shouldn't be carried out, BUT sometimes it is fun to think of them and say them out loud!!!

Talked with STBX last night, (he was in his apartment, not the car) I worked real hard and late Thursday night to get some papers re-typed and to him so that he could e mail them to his lawyer for his viewing on Friday and STBX said that he was too busy to have gotten that done. I did go off on how he is constantly pushing me "do this, get this done, I want my divorce now" and I do what he asks and he doesn't even get them sent!!! UGH!!! I was so mad at him last night!!!I mentioned that I thought that it was OW pushing the divorce and he went balistic on me. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM....... think I might of hit a nerve? He gets divorced, his income goes down considerably, and he would have to marry the OW!!!!HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.... is this really what he wants? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.... don't know!!! Definately interesting!!!!!

Love ya all,

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />