I just have a few questions, maybe someone has a few answers. I will not be offended, so if you something that would be helpful...let me have it!
1. What is the best way to handle the situation when H is hateful, LOUD, degrading and refuses to acknowledge his behavior? (When he does this to me I say, "There is no need to be hateful about it" he comes unglued screaming that he is not being hateful.)
2.H will show signs of disgust (rolling eyes, shaking head, deep inhale/exhale)at any request from kids or me. Sometimes he does this just when he looks at me. Sometimes when D looks his way he does this to her for no apparent reason. Why would he show such disgust and then expect me to respond when he wants a hug or kiss.
3. H saves empty bottles (deoderant) till the shelf in full of them. I finally threw them away the other day. Probably 10 of them! Does this sound a little like OCD?
4. Sometimes I wake up in the night because he has his hands in places that I feel like I should at least be awake and consenting. This is making me feel very violated, even tho he is my H, especially since I have already told him to not do that. comments please!
5. He acts like the food in the house is his and if the kids want something they always ask and he drills them on why they are hungry and when was the last time they ate. There have been times when my S got a piece of steak out of the fridge and started eating it and H would say "That is mine, I'm savng it for my lunch" H has very seldom evr taken left over meat in his lunch. How can a father treat his chldren like this?
He has had A with very young person
He has left me on the highway in the dark and driven off when I was 6 mo pregnant.
He has slapped me and knocked me out and then told me it was my fault.
He just pushes our buttons, especially D's until we can't take it any longer.
He won't talk to me about anything of importance. I quit wearing my ring and he has never asked anything about that.
WHY CAN'T i SEE THIS FOR WHAT IT IS? I used to think I would stay with him no matter what and that's what I wanted to do but now I want out and something in my brain is not connecting!
There are so many other things that are bizzare but this is enough for now. I am not sayng I am a perfect wife and lately we have very little physical contact. But I just can't be intimate with him after he treats us like this. But he never stops tryng to get me to have sex with him. Even when he's mad, he still expects it. I guess the thing that is hanging me up right now is, I know if I don't do something to end this madness, we could go on forever. So basically, the ball is in my court.I don't know if he realizes how bad it is and refuses to acknowlede it or if he thinks it's not that bad. He has to know because when I ask him if we can talk about us he goes berzerk screaming that it's all my fault and if I was a decent wife and did what I was supposed to do, we wouldn't have any problems.
The hardest part is he can be a jerk till I can't take it anymore and then he turns charming and sweet and I then feel guilty for feeling the way I do. So I start dropping my guard then relax a little and the it hits again. My biggest question is this, What do I need to do, to keep the right frame of mind and quit buying into his mood swings. I really do not want to live like this anylonger. I have to find a way to get over feeling guilty for my feelings. I know what he does is not right and the more I read, the more I realize how abusive he really is. My thinking is not exactly right to deal effectively with this situation. I don't hate him, but I don't, at this time, want to be with him anymore. In a sense I am as sick as he is, in my opinion, for still being here. I know exactly what I would tell someone else in this situation.
Your views would be greatly appreciated. I feel free on the inside as far as being emotionally detatched from him. I don't know if I am afraid of hurting him or if it's the by-product of feeling like a jerk for hurting someone.
I want to get out of the relationship, all evedence points to needing to get out, I wish I knew why can't just do it. Maybe I should change my name to Almost Free.n The thing about it is this; as long as I am workng in the direction of getting out, I see a light at the en of the tunnel, I feel good about myself and future and I have inner peace. When I work on trying to make it better and be what he wants, I am miserable, oppressed and my future looks hopless.
Thanks,
Free
