Last night I did the wrong thing. After almost a year since D-day (i was the cheating husband). I haven't had any contact with OW since the meltdown. Last night I was with a buddy who still hangs around with her. He was telling me little things about her; I was curious to see that she was getting on allright in her life. My buddy told me that she probably needed some closure from the relationship I left behind. I started thinking I should call her; but I knew I didn't want to; in order to keep things good with my wife. I never did call her. I had a conversation with my wife who is away for a few days; she's having trouble with my parents(blahblah blah); I don't know what to do about that. After my conversation with W, I kept thinking about all this stuff. I decided to have a couple drinks, one thing led to another then I headed to the local strip club. My wife tried to reach me, got suspicious, then I lied to her when she did reach me. Told her I was home sleeping. The next morn I called her and told her the truth. I've known for a long time that she didn't approve of strippers but I went anyways. My point is should I have told her the truth and hurt her or should I have lied to ease any pain.
I don't know why I end up doing these type of things. She said, maybe I need to be a bachelor. I love her very much. I don't understand why I can't control myself, why I act on ideas. I have not cheated on her since the d-day and never want to. But I'm sure she feels that the strip club was cheating. I'm just tired of feeling bad after I do these things and wish I could stop myself for my marriage.

Any thoughts

CAL