Hello everyone,

I'm new here, but I have an issue I'm trying to come to grips with. About eight months ago, I met a wonderful man online. We have fallen in love and he is planning to move to the state where I am in about four or five weeks. We have never met face to face, but we have spent hundreds of hours talking on the phone getting to know each other heart to heart. My family thinks I'm nuts. They cannot fathom that I could possibly be truly in love with this man.

We are both divorced twice and victims of infidelity. He is everything I have always wanted in a man -- sweet, kind, tender, warm, intelligent . . .

So, am I crazy? Or could this be true love? Has anyone else ever experienced this? Thanks for your advice . . . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello, I married the person I met on an internet chat room. I am from the U.K and he in from here, the U.S. At first my friends thought I was mad, especially flying over here to meet him only after 3 months of talking and writing. As soon as I saw him face to face, I fell in love all over again (fell in love before i even met him!) He was the sweetest most gorgeous man I ever though would be interested in me. One and a half years later, I wave goodbye to friends and most heartbreaking my family to start my life over here, 20 years old and now a married woman.

Even though we've a few problems to say the least!! We're trying to work them out. People used to say that us meeting on a chat room, out of thousands of chatrooms has to be more than coincidence.

I say, If your really in love with this man, give it a go. I hope your happy in the future. As happy as I am planning on being!

Take care, luv rach. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi Moon,

No I don't think you are crazy. BUT I do think you are unwise.

You see, the problem with online relationships is that they are very one dimensional. It is extremely easy to present only the parts of one's self that are positive. It's very easy to pretend to be someone that you are not. I've had a number of online friendships over the years. It's impossible to experience the full depth of someone without real face to face contact and interaction.

Until you spend some time in reality with this man (ie dating face to face) you will not know the full man.

So what you are feeling is an addiction. He is filling your emotional needs (let me guess, conversation, time, admiration - and even an illusion of honesty and openess).

Does that mean you are crazy or wrong? No. It just means that your feelings are a natural logical reaction to having your needs met.

But feelings are NOT facts based on reality. This man makes you feel good, giving you feelings of attraction that we call romantic love. That doesn't mean that he IS the person he presents himself to be, and it certainly doesn't mean that what you are experiencing is mature, real accepting love - because that kind of love can only exist in a relationship where all the warts and blemishes are exposed, in combination with acceptance and decisions and actions that are not feeling-based, but rational, mature choice-based.

I would suggest that you do NOT let this man move in with you. Make no permanent commitments. Date him for awhile. Hire a PI and do a background check - not because I think he IS a creep, but I have learned over the years to mistrust people who make decisions based soley on emotion. That, in my book, is a red-flag. It's very romantic on the surface that he wants to move to be near you, but, does that indicate future stability? What will you do when his feelings towards you change, and he makes other decisions based on those feelings?

Isn't that how most of us BS's ended up where we are today? Our spouses made choices that were feeling/emotion-based, instead of rationally, deliberately thought out choices.

Getting an feel for his past might give you an idea of what you can expect from him in the future. So hire that PI. Don't make any more decisions based on a feeling of romantic love that may or may not be based on reality.

Trust me, reality intrudes at the worst possible moment, no matter how hard we WISH that things were otherwise.

Good luck.

MD,

The internet often gets a bum rap for being a place for creeps and pedophiles to lurk in wait for unsuspecting victims. In reality many chat rooms are not a lot different from this web site right here. There are a lot of people here with something in common, sharing experiences and advice with one another from every corner of the country. One difference with a forum such as this is that it is not conducted in real time like a chat room would be. The people in this room would never in their lifetimes have met to share their stories if not for the internet.

Try not to let people lessen what you feel for this other person simply because they are naive about the internet and its ability to bring people together who otherwise might never cross paths.

Your relationship sounds still very young. You say you've spoken hundreds of hours...that's wonderful. So many marriages suffer from lack of communication.

I would say that you may have an advantage over many relationships because you have spent a lot of time simply 'talking' to your Love, both through the use of the internet and the phone, getting to know each other. So many relationships fail (I believe) because couples tend to skip over the "getting to know you" stage and move right to the "lets get physical" stage.

Keep this line of communication open even after you meet in person. It is SO important in any lasting relationship.

Don't cheat yourself of a proper courtship when you meet. Go on dates. Go to dinner, movies, dancing...get to know this person all over again with a whole new perspective. You won't regret it. You'll fall In Love all over again.

I don't mean to steer you away from ALL caution. You know your situation best and each is unique.

I wish you the best future with your new found Love.

tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />