Hi,
Just need some comfort as my WH said he did not want a divorce and in court for support the other day I was told he had filed. OMG. It about gave me a breakdown. This past weekend I have had so many lows. I really thought I could hold this marriage until he came to his senses. I just can not believe he would give everything we have up. WH left in May has a A and is in total denial about it. No fin support, not much communication as I do not know where WH lives! I have read all of what is on MB and thanks to this site I have been able to pull myself out of the ground many times. I love all of you and feel your pain too. This is just not a very good life! Any comments would be appreciated. Thank you and God Bless all of you.

Hi LNC

Sorry that you are going through all of this.
Let me tell you what I did in my situation .

My H filed on me in Oct, 99 I contested the divorce, I felt someone was pressuring him.

H never followed suit on divorce I was determine not to give him a divorce. I felt he was not of himself.

Our court date was last yr. H was livinging in another state. Neither one of us made the court date our case was thrown out because of non activity.

My whole intention was to stall in any way that I could and it worked for me.

H has had several A one he was trapped with OC
I don't believe this child is his.

This last A was over in 7/2002 H and I started communicating 7/16/02 we've been communicating every since. Xow is Married now she still wants my H he doesn't wants her.

I was on several site before I found this one
the other sites didn't address my situation H Having OC

I read the principals copied them and I read them at home.H is coming out of the fog he has one foot in one foot out.

I stop venting on him and started venting here
I learned to communicate with out the arguing.

If I were you, if you really don't want a divoce I would contest use it to stall maybe he will come to his sences.

Now we discuss my pain through all of this all the feelngs, I had he finally apologize for every thing he put me through.

We are now talking about saving money, so I can relocate to where he's living. That is a start one time we wasn't on the same page about nothing.

Another thing, he understands what goes around comes around what he put me through it came back on him.

He tells me he was weak. Only a weak person cheats
this is something he would have never acknowledge.

Well I feel your pain. My WS also filed for divorce on me at the urging of OW although he swore up and down that it was HIS plans. That counseling wouldnt help and that he wouldnt go with me to it. That divorce wouldn't hurt our 3 kids. That our marriage was 'hopeless' and that I would never forgive him. I kept telling him over and over that divorce is wrong,I won't agree that our marriage is hopeless and that he was rushing into it without thinking it all thru clearly. A close friend of mine who is an attorney told me that if I didn't want the D to be calm and not let him drag me into discussions of what would happen if we did divorce.I tried to stay calm when talking to him and told him that if he pursued it that I would contest it- not to make him furious but because of my strong moral and Christian convictions. Thank God he finally came to his senses and cancelled it.Take care- lifeismessy

Hi Malc and Lifeismessy,
Thank you for your encouraging words! I am very down tonight. Had a rough day - you know cry then be mad and then feel like you are about to die! This 4+ months has been very hard on me as I am not a young girl anymore and going through a change on top of it. I love my husband with all my heart. Our marriage was not bad and we did not fight. It was just that he did not like to share anything, feelings thoughts or any of his free time. We drifted as I work as a nurses aide and was gone alot and he worked the same hours, except he has weekends off and me every other.
I just could not believe he filed for a divorce. I do not know this OW he is with but have got his cell phone bills from a PI and found out name and address and then she cancelled her first phone and now has another one and got that one too. So on Fri court day I was crazy and went down there after court and of course he does not have a girl friend but all of a sudden he appeared from no where - imagine that! I went to the door but no one came - she was there but would not come out. Well I was not nice and somehow 20 people were there and I just let him have it in front of everyone. Made sure they know he is married. These people he is hanging with are trash. This is another thing I can not understand as he always had high values. I know I LB'd all over the place but I could not help it. I just lost it. I did not really see people, thought I was going to loose it totally. Well maybe all this was from his constant lies about no affair when I have proof. It has made me really crazy inside. He was up here, (I live in the country with not a house for a mile)on Friday night till 3 am driving past as my niece was here and we both saw him. Not seen since? This is stalking right?
I had to go through surgery on my arm which I hurt at work. WH knew I had it and never showed. I am hurt by all of this. I am in counseling but have no friends. Kids are grown and I am way out so I do not see them. I have a great Mom and I do try to keep doing! I have not contacted him and do not plan on it. He has called, but does not say anything and I hang up. Hate the games.
How much did it cost you to contest the divorce?
My lawyer said it would be to much. He knows I do not want a divorce as I did start one but never filed back in May. He pushes it all the time but I tell him I do not want it. Hate to give him up as he is the best here. His Mom and Dad are Judges.
My WH is still in a fog as I see it on his face he is totally strange acting and I feel he needs to come out of this. I sure hope he does as he is heading in the wrong direction! Makes me feel real bad for him. I pray all the time.
Thank you and God Bless you

<small>[ September 22, 2002, 11:39 PM: Message edited by: LoveNcare ]</small>