I found out last Friday that when my WW met the OM they had sex. Obviously, those visions run through my head all day and night. I try and not think about them, but they just comes back like a tidal wave. I look at her and just can't believe that she did that with another man. I know I just found out and am dealing with the emotions of it all(I am on Antidepressants), but if I want my marriage to work how do I get past that and forgive her. I know a lot of people here have and are going through this. How do you deal with it? There are times when I think I can never be with her again. There are times when I look at her and am disgusted. But then there are times, when I think I can get past it someday and forgive her and make our marriage better than ever. I don't know.
Any help would be appreciated.

Toro

just a small note, WW and I talked last night about her moving out. I asked her what she wanted. I meant furniture and things. She thought I meant our marriage. She told me she didn't know what she wanted. I looked at her and told her that I wanted her. She said yeah right, after what I did, you still want to be with me. I told her, that should tell you just how much I love you, if I can get past that and still want to be with you. She said that I need to have time to think about that. I hope I will be able to get over her PA, soemtimes I wonder if it's worth it.

TORO

TORO:

Not unusual at all! My W's PA wasn't as sinister or serious (2 her) as the EA. Getting past the "movies" playing in your head is going 2 take time, but it will happen. I still have moments like that, and we're doing pretty well (in plan A still).

Only you can tell whether this M is worth saving. But the work you do in the meantime is worth it, beyond any doubt! Wether you stay M'd or not, you need 2 go through this personal growth. You don't want any future R 2 be subjected 2 the same things your current M has. So, one way or the other, this work will definitely be worth it. As for your W? Well, did she somehow stop being a human being because she had an A? Probably not. Is it worth working with her on your M and saving your family, in spite of what's happened. I'm betting it is.

Yes, believe it or not, you can go on to forgive. You will never forget, nor should you have to. I thought I would die when my H had a PA with my former best friend. Then he lied about it for 6 years so I had to work thru everything years later which is doubly hard. I did not think I could forgive them, but only with God's help and lots of counseling was I able to.

Last year I posted a prayer of forgiveness in the Recovery forum. My counselor gave it to me and I had to say it many, many times before I really felt it. Remember, forgiveness is NOT a feeling, it's a decision. It doesn't mean you won't hurt anymore or that you will trust those people again. But you can do it, with God's help. He is the only one capable of working thru you for this to happen. It was the most amazing gift I received and I understand now what they mean by God's grace and mercy.

I wish you peace and healing. If you haven't read Torn Asunder, I strongly recommend it. Also the article Shattered Vows at findarticles.com