Michelle - Good luck - I will check in later to see what happened.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> - Mimi

good luck with your appt with Steve.

When your WH threatens you about getting a quick divorce- it sounds like the bluster of a confused and scared man.

I suggest a reverse babble, smile nicely and say, "Oh I am sure you'll be able to make a divorce go through very quickly." If he asks any more questions or makes more threats, just smile again and say "Oh, I'm not familiar with all the legalities, you really need to speak with your lawyer on this topic." If he tries to get you to agree to any settlement issues, tell him he needs to submit those offers through his lawyer, you really can't discuss it with him directly.

In the meantime, try to deflect the conversation around to stuff he likes to talk about- what is he doing, how is he feeling. You could say, I'm worried about you, I know this is stressful for you." Encourage him to talk to you as a friend, if possible, but back off if he gets angry.

waiting to hear from you- let us know what the master advises. H

Spoke with Steve earlier, still in Plan A which I suspected.

Steve told me that if WH asked me for a divorce to change the subject. He also told me to approach WH about calling Steve again. To say that Steve has a plan, that I am not expecting anything out of it or get my hopes up if he talks with Steve. If he resists, to mention that I think its important to explore all possibilities before making a life changing decision. I am not to push or mention what this plan is, just to plant the seed.

He also told me that I need to contact WH at twice a week just to catch up, no relationship talk, and no pursuing, just to keep myself in his mind and life. If WH seems to be disturbed by this, to back off. But all relationship talk should be started by WH.

He also reassured that I need to stay in Plan A, but mine is definitely modified to my situation, Plan B is very dangerous.

He thinks WH is still confused. Especially when he said he wanted divorce ASAP almost 4 weeks ago and still has not done anything.

He advised me that next time WH asks me how I am doing to say "not well" , then change the subject. He does not want me to pretend that everything is okay because it will take guilt out of my husband who is a major conflict avoider.

He also said that basically everything WH is saying is all fog babble, he said that I am doing very well because I understand that.

I'll try to post some more later if more things come to mind.

I still don't know if WH is coming up or not to talk, I have not heard from him today.

I TOTALLY agree with the little bits of contac t you can make.. to keep you in the limelight... Just to say hi.

jim loved it when I called just to see how he was doing and that was it.

Take care, more later.

glad you have a plan. I love that changing the subje ct stuff.

H <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

It was weird, because before I got off the phone with Steve, he said that I am doing very well, and also because I have a plan.

I had also mentioned to Steve that I was worried about WH and OW spending less time together, that it may be less reality and more "stolen moments".

He mentioned that OW is probably insecure about the situation, especially because it is built on lies, that he got a job 2 hours away, and that he moved his stuff out. Her mind may wonder when hes not there of where he may be, and may cause her to do alot of questioning, and more demanding for a divorce since she she feels less secure about the situation.

As long as I am the kind one with no LB's, they will destroy their own relationship.

That is awesome and so true that the SAD OW has more to worry about, after all YOU ARE THE WIFE!

Hugs, H

leaving from work in about 20 min, still not sure if WH will be there when I get home or not to "talk".

I don't even want to right now, I am almost tempted that if I see his car there to just keep driving!!

Got to admit that it's a pretty bizarre thing when an OW worries about a MM's fidelity!! What's even more bizarre is that they can be the most surprised/devastated when they are 'cheated' on! HELLO!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Would love to get into OW's head and try to figure out how they came up with that thought process. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

no kidding!!

I still haven't left for him yet, I just called my neighbor and he said that WH was not there, he would have probably been there by now if he was coming, we shall see!

Michelle - OK did he come or call/??? what happened - waiting for an update.... Mimi

Hi G_C,

stay strong. No matter what, you're doing a great job and you're such a precious woman.
hugs
bb

well.........

I had told him Monday that if he was going to tell me the same thing, I didn't want to hear it and there was no sense in talking.

Must have been the same stuff, because he didn't come over!!!

Ok so is that good or bad?? Or are you going crazy trying to figure that out?? No phone call no nothing huh??? What do you think this means?? Are you going to call him in a few days and just pretend that he didn't blow you off - or are you going to bring it up?? Are you ok - or are you upset that he didn't come over??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by maw64:
<strong>Ok so is that good or bad?? Or are you going crazy trying to figure that out?? No phone call no nothing huh??? What do you think this means?? Are you going to call him in a few days and just pretend that he didn't blow you off - or are you going to bring it up?? Are you ok - or are you upset that he didn't come over??</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">actually, I feel okay, don't know why, but I'm fine!! He's blown me off before, I have learned not to let it get to me.

I'll wait for a few days, and if he doesn't contact me, I will probably just send him a quick email saying hey or something. Nope, I'm not going to bring it up either. It is so amazing how the fogginess gets to them and how they live their double lives. There has been so many times where he swears up and down he told me something when he told me something else, his life is full of lies.

with that said, I am going to do my Firm tape!!

OK well good for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am glad that you are feeling ok... After all you are the most important person... And you are right about the lies - my exhusband I do not believe knows fact from fiction - it is funny I remember when he started lying about going to the store and stuff just for the sake of lying - it was really pathetic - but I think they dig their hole so deep that they really tend to get confused...But that is awesome that you have a plan and that you seem ok - and that you are going to be able to follow through with it - that is half of the battle... Well keep me posted - I will be thinking of you..... Mimi

IMHO, I think you should change your Name from GC to WLD_ROLLERCOASTER_RIDE!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You sound ok and are dealing with this better than you were even last month. Congrats, you are becoming that better and stronger person we always talk about here on MB!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by maw64:
<strong>but I think they dig their hole so deep that they really tend to get confused...But that is awesome that you have a plan and that you seem ok - and that you are going to be able to follow through with it - that is half of the battle... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yea, and the sad thing is, is that they think they are so deep there's no way out, its really sad, you can't force them out of the hole, but we can let our light shine within us, maybe they will find it??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mgm:
<strong>IMHO, I think you should change your Name from GC to WLD_ROLLERCOASTER_RIDE!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You sound ok and are dealing with this better than you were even last month. Congrats, you are becoming that better and stronger person we always talk about here on MB!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hey maybe that would have been a good name, I'm surprised no one has taken that name yet!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I don't know if I am kidding myself, but I just have strong faith right now that he will eventually come home. I have spent the last few weeks more in prayer and with God, letting him take on the situation, and I know HE will take care of me.
however, who knows, I might be on here tomorrow bawling my eyes out, too!

HI GC -- I had a feeling he wouldn't come over. This is pretty typical of WH (at least mine) because they are so royally confused that I'm not sure they remember what they've said. I believe it may be a positive sign he did not come over. If he was so anxious for a D, he would come over and demand it or file himself or something.

Too bad I did not win the lottery last night or I'd hop on the jet, pick you up (and a few other ladies here living the rollercoaster limbo) and we'd be off to Canyon Ranch for a week with our personal trainers, another week to Mexico beaches for those tans and margaritas, and then on to NYC for our makeovers and new wardrobes.

I guess instead we can do our FIRM videos, pour ourselves a glasses of wine and log onto our computers to check in with eachother and make sure nobody is falling off that rollercoaster.

I knew I'd hit a low point last night when I did not watch West Wing (my favorite tv show) and tuned into The Bachelor instead. I just needed to not watch anything about reality, politics, or cynicism. Actually made me feel a little better. I may be in a weird limbo marriage right now, but I'm not quite ready to sign up for live and in person courtship on tv.

GC, glad to hear you are doing well and staying strong... don't call him in a few days.... let him call you...
All you can control is you....he is going to have to find his way out of this mess and see the light when he is ready do, right now it is easier for him to stay in the A than to face reality and deal with the problems that he created.. I believe that sooner or later this is all going to catch up with him and he is going to have to make some very tough decisions and take a real hard look
at himself, until he reaches that point, all you can do it work on yourself (Plan A).I think the more you can "let go" then faster he may reach that point....
Stay stong,
Dave