Well, WH was in a real state tonight. I would say that I was the trigger but I know better. At work, I prepared a very positive, encouraging letter to WH re: C's advice to go to AA - I emphasized what a BIG step it was for him to have admitted that he had a drinking problem (he has admitted this to several people now). I included all of the AA Meeting times. Later, I called WH from work to see if he was going to pick up DS from the sitter and whether he was going straight home or out drinking. He assured me (as usual) that he was going straight home. I left work early because I was not feeling well (horrible chest cold) and drove past his favorite drinking home and lo and behold, guess who was there...I went in and did a major LB - told him that I was disgusted with him, handed him the letter and said that I guess I was just wasting my time. Probably didn't help his non-drinking, either, because he got there at 4:15 and didn't come home until 9:30. Needless to say he was sloshed.

When he came home, he sat down on the couch next to me. I asked him if there was something he wanted to talk to me about and he said no - looking back at it, I just realized, I was sitting where he sleeps when he's drunk or watching TV. He got up, went in the study and started playing on the computer. He called me in to see the website he was looking at - www.rotten.com. It is just awful - he was showing me pictures of people with their heads blown off from suicide. I panicked and called one of our friends who is a Deputy Sheriff. He told me to just keep and eye on him and if he gets out of hand to call Mental Health and have him involuntarily committed.

WH started trying to pick a fight and I wouldn't bite, so he reverted to veiled suicide threats, including looking at all of the knives in the kitchen, which I promptly gathered up and hid. Then, he asked me why I won't just let him go. I asked him if he meant let go emotionally or let him go to commit suicide. He said let him out of the marriage. I responded that he was free to go anytime he liked and that, if I remembered correctly, he has already left 15 or 20 times and keeps coming back. That really set him off and, after asking me 14 times whether I would let him back in the house to get his things, he started gathering up some overnight stuff, but was taking forever - I know he was waiting for me to beg him to stay, but I wasn't gonna' do it. Finally, I said that I have never seen anyone make such a production out of packing a bag to leave for just one night. He responded by telling me that the last person I knew who made a big production out leaving did it in a big way - he was referring to one of my dearest friends/former boyfriends who committed suicide in 1993. That scared me enough that I called 911.

WH left before the police arrived. I tried to stop him from leaving by standing behind his truck. He yelled out the window that, if I didn't move, he would run me over and, then, came within 6 inches of me before I jumped out of the way. The police came out, took down info and are now out looking for him...If they have found him, they haven't called to tell me.....

I just don't think he would go through with it. They say that women who commit suicide usually talk about it first. Men who commit suicide don't, so I guess it is a good thing WH was talking about it. I am trying not to worry....I think he went to his office and is just no answering his office or cell phone.

If he wants to come back tomorrow, it is on one of two conditions -1) he goes to 2 AA meetings a night for the next 90 days or 2) he checks into the inpatient facility that our MC/his IC recommended.

Keep him, us, me in your prayers...

Brit's Brat/BS-41
WH-43
DS-11 months
Status: Back down the roller coaster.

((((BB))))

I am sooo sorry! You must be frantic! Do the police think they have a good chance of finding him? Hopefully, he has had some time to think about things and calm down. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family, BB. God bless!

Just Concerned - Thanks for your good thoughts and prayers. They didn't say. They just said that they would call me if they found him before the end of their shift. His office building is gated and there is no guard after 5:00. He knows I called 911, so that is probably where he went. I am exhausted and should go to sleep, but just can't...

Brit's Brat

Hi,

I read your story and it reminded me of last year when I had a similar call. Not as drastic as yours but my WS and his family have a history of suicide attempts and 911 told me to take it seriously. So when the WS in his despondent mood, called me from a motel (near my work) and said he knew how he was going to end it all, I considered that a suicide threat. Now the OW was in the room and when the police call responded, she scooted out real fast. Of course she made sure she called me and left a nasty messages on my phone.

I was in a panic. My baby sitter and her family stayed by my side until the police could confirm he would not harm himself. Later he told me he did not mean he would kill himself but I didn't know that.

So your concern is valid. I hope all turns out ok.

Please take care and here's a cyber hug!

L.

The suicide threat is absolutely mean and horrible, and if he does it it's really the worst thing he can do to you and your child. Believe me, I know what I am talking about - My dad, a WH, did it.

Good thinking to call the cops. Alternatively, call an ambulance to give him urgent medical/psychiatric care.

And in future I would refuse to talk to him *at all* when he is drunk. It only makes things worse.

My H threatened it at one time too, in early withdrawl. Now he is just drunk all the time too. DOn't argue with him when he drinks. If you have to, leave yourself and tell him you have to go buy formula or diapers or milek or something so you are not saying... I Am leaving because you are drinking.

Just some more alanon advice, dont ck on the alcoholic, it will drive you crazy. Let go and let God.. he will get his consequences. You can't make him recover, I know you know that. It is the saddest thing in the world.

What about rehab, isn't he willing to Go?

I am sorry, my h used to go to longhorn and another place or two downtown when all this crap happened. he met the ow at the downtown houston watering hole.. well got to know here better there.. and went home with her... he rod ethe bus and then she started to give him rides, and even more, huh?

Great, right. When he should be out earning a living and ocming home happily to his family?

Gee.

I am sorry for your h's problme. Have comfort that it is not you, but his alchol and lifestyle choices.

Hugs, HONEY

(((BB)))

Please keep us posted, I just said a prayer for you and your husband

BB- What happened, are you ok?

Hugs, H

I hope that your H is okay. I hope that you are okay. I said a prayer for your husband and for you. You absolutely did the right thing by calling 911. I would still try to get a mental evaluation. I know how you must be feeling. My H threatened suicide the night he came home from an A and attempted suicide the day that he told me of the affairs. Thankfully, he was unsuccessful. After spending a week in the hospital he was diagnosed as having bi-polar. Never take threats lightly.

BB? How is the situation? Are you alright? How's H?

BB?

Hi,

BB's post about last night's events is on this thread: Brit's 9/24/02 status

L.

<small>[ September 25, 2002, 01:44 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

It's easier said than done, but let it go. I know you love him, but he sounds a lot like my xh, I used to drive around crying because I thought he was going to kill himself. My x, just entered AA and you know what, these are his choices, not yours( I know you know that). Let it be in God's hands and in your h. It's not up to you. The more that you let him do this to you, the more you are going to get torn up. Take the pressure off of you and back on him. You reacted well by not letting his words get to you. The truth is, he probably won't commit suicide, he just uses that to reel you back into his circle. At least that's what I've learned through my therapy. My x pulled a gun on himself in front of me and I think a lot of why I married him was so that he wouldn't kill himself. Remember that you are loved and there are ways of dealing with this,but you need to decide if you are strong enough to. I wish you luck and I'll pray for you and for him.