Well, Saturday was ESD's birthday party and H had said that after that he was going to move out etc.

The update is, the party went well, except for me drinking too much (after not drinking and sticking too it, I think I just went over too quickly). This adds to my feelings of lack of self-worth because my behaviour was pretty daft to say the least. I think the stress of everything that had happened the previous week, MIL coming to stay (her not knowing and treating me like I'm someone special), meeting XW's parents (girls grandparents) for the first time in 13 years, and yes, having a SD of 18, was all a bit much for me. As you may remember, I hadn't even wanted to go to the party, and I think I over compensated with alcohol. Anyway, ES-D wasn't cross with me (thankfully).

H collected MIL and drove nearly 800 miles in 4 days so was fairly shattered. I think he found everything rather emotional too. He did keep telling me how beautiful I looked, but that he was sad he didn't feel like we were really in it together. I know what he means.

He came home last night after all the travelling and spoke briefly again about what he wants from the M. I think I have realised that I find it so hard at the moment to make the commitments because my emotions are just running away from me - does that make sense? I've asked again whether he would be prepared to give me some more time - because I really don't want to make a mistake and do the wrong thing. The honest answer is whilst I do love him, I'm not sure whether I can want to be married, and he knows that. I've enjoyed doing the things I do when I do them. I don't want to give up cycling, although I concede the friends. H doesn't really seem to want to make much effort with me(not being critical, things are hard for him too), although he expects me to give things up and put each other at the centre of our lives (not unrealistic).

After starting last week so positively, it lasted a couple of days only. I know I'm better than I was, but I still feel unsure, hurt, emotional, stupid and generally a weak and not very nice person all round.

I don't think H is rushing to do anything, like looking for a flat, but I hope he may give me some time to think calmly about things.

So that's it for now.
Lisa

P.S. H has not been verbal or anything since weekend before last, and has promised again that he won't do this.

<small>[ September 24, 2002, 08:28 AM: Message edited by: Lisa in London ]</small>

I think if he says that he wants to put your lives at the centre, ie focusing on M, then that's a good start. Of course, action has to follow the words, but so far you have to admit that there is a clear sign of committment from your side.
As it is from your side (e.g., willingness to give up some of your friends which might interfere with your recovery)

You write:
<strong> I'm not sure whether I can want to be married, and he knows that </strong>

I think you have to take it step by step here. In this sense the question you ask you possibly cant answer yet. Instead, you have to ask yourself: Do you want to give your marriage a chance, against the background of you being not in a perfecly normal emotional state to take life-altering decisions (such as divorce)?
If the answer to this mildly modified question should be a "yes", then you should also then do the consecutive steps of, say, discussing ENs with husband, trying to fulfill them, state what you want etc and all that good stuff. Then you take it from there. But what has to be at the start is a signal of committment that you give it a chance.

good luck

Lisa,

I think this all sounds pretty positive to me. You have gone from all of the days being horrible to some days being horrible, some days sort of flat, and a few days not so bad at all. This is progress. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You are never guess what I am going to say next. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

TIME AND PATIENCE. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Really that is why it is recommended. Many people have reported that their recovery is very much like yours. Gradually, almost imperceptively the good days start to out number the bad, and then out number the flat.

I do think you are focusing too much on the cycling at this point, but I realize you need something to focus the negative down feelings on and this is the lighting rod for it. So hang in there, it sounds as if you two are making progress. Those little bitty baby steps do seem discouraging don't they??

Hang in there.

JL

Hi Nick, JL

Nick, I think that's a really good point you make about putting the question in reverse - so, do I want to get a divorce now - absolutely not, do I want to stay married, not so sure. I suppose what we have both been thinking about is more space from each other, i.e. whether H moves out. Ironic really that we had all that space for 2 years and that was part and parcel of everything that happened - I could easily sneak around, not look him in the eye and lie happily over the telephone.......

I also think that I do have to tell him what I want - I haven't really done that. All I've said is that I don't know if I want to stay married. But I think you're right about how we meet each others needs. I know I'm not meeting one of his particularly now, and that's a really big hurdle to overcome, but I feel so far apart from him, and with all the constant battles previously, it did nothing at all to make me feel any better about him. I suppose that is what LBing is all about.

JL I hear what you're saying about the cylcing. But I don't want to give it up. I met with a friend yesterday (who H has met and likes) and we talked about cycling on Sunday. You are also right about the fact that I am hanging on to something that makes me feel a little better about myself - there is not an awful lot at the moment. I don't even know if I should approach H, let alone how should I approach H. So what do I do?

I think I have also realised that I cannot continue as I currently am. I have made an appointment for the Dr (week Monday no less), to have a chat about whether or not I am depressed. Having one or two good days hardly compensates for the five or six the rest of the week. I am still crying every day, exhausted, but sleeping, not wanting to get up, eating habits erratic etc. This week too, I have been so lethargic I haven't even exercised. This is not me. I don't feel anything of much except despondent.

Anyway, I have work to do before treking across the other side of London and a tube strike today. I so don't want to go, but work is work.

Thanks again.
Lisa

Lisa, just wanted to throw some support your way. I have been following your story and feel for you.

My WW is gone and my world has fallen apart in a massive mess. She tells me she "loves me very much but cant be married to me anymore". We are separate but I am in a Plan A.

I have been where your H is right now and I wanted to commend you for how you have struggled on. Give it some time now, it's been a time of stress for several weeks now and you should try and step back and relax. I am doing this and it is helping. Best Wishes, thinking of you, I too am in the Tube Strike <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Neil.

Hello Neil

Thanks soooo much. Your words were really kind, and I often feel that I am not worthy of that support from you, as a BS, (and Nick, LIR, NSST, BR and all the others).

I suppose I think that I haven't really done anything. There are WS out there who really are trying hard and have whole-heartedly committed to making their marriages work. I just keep plodding along not sure if I am coming or going, where I want to be or who I want to be with. I think Nick summed it up well, about asking the reverse question, because ultimately DV is what it could lead to and I'm certainly not ready to go there. I wish I could have more certainty about moving forward with my M.

Thanks again Neil, I appreciate it really I do. I do hope things will be better for you soon with your WW, as you know, keep trying and as JL would say, "Time and Patience".

Lisa

P.S. Damn tube strikes - I have to go right across Town to the deepest depths of Bermondsey - not an easy journey at the best of times!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lisa in London:
<strong>There are WS out there who really are trying hard and have whole-heartedly committed to making their marriages work.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes but they had to start somewhere too didn't they. Probably where you are at at the moment.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I just keep plodding along not sure if I am coming or going, where I want to be or who I want to be with.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Understandable at this point. You have both had a few traumatic weeks as well as the effect on YOU of the double life you lead during the A which takes a non-sustainable toll. You need time to recover and reenergise from that.

I have a bit of a mantra going:
No matter how it is today,
No matter how low I feel,
In the future,
It will be better.

It helps me get thru each day I feel low.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>because ultimately DV is what it could lead to and I'm certainly not ready to go there. I wish I could have more certainty about moving forward with my M.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know Lisa my WW is the same. She has moved out, she is with a weird OM2 in a Svengali type relationship, she has so many issues. She categorically states I have hurt her to much to recover and come home (!), yet when I say "OK shall we divorce? You have everything you have asked for" she never replies "Yes let's divorce". She only ever says "You must do what you want".

So my advice to you is to sit and wait. You know that you should never make an informed decision in a time of chaos...

All the best,
Neil.

Hi Neil

Thanks again for your words. I think I forget how traumatic the effect of the A was and it ending, let alone facing up to what I've done with my H. It's really not surprising that I'm all over the place. I love your mantra - I've written it out and put it on my desk so I can see it all the time.

I do hear what you're saying about giving myself a break etc. and ole JL's "time and patience", but I'm not sure H is prepared to put the same time scale on things as I would like. I suggested until the new year - approximately 6 months, but H keeps saying he's living half a life and isn't prepared to wait. I think he wants action now - me to change now, be as he wants to be now and throw my all into it now.

I've had these conversation with Yellow Rose and others, but I just can't seem to do it. Don't get me wrong, I don't talk about OM or mope about because of him (I do that in my own time only!), I always try to be pleasant and warm, (a couple of times I've been snappy and off-hand), but he wants it all now. The fact that until last week he was sooo hurt/upset/angry all the time, did me no good at all but I still tried to remain positive and relatively upbeat.

I honestly think that perhaps I was meant to be alone - I've got used to living alone, doing things my way, going out when I want to etc. If H tells me he's not prepared to wait and pushes for an answer, then it will be one that he doesn't want to hear.....

Thanks also for the info on your post about the Steve H sessions. How you BS stay strong when your WS continue with OP is beyond me.

Thanks again Neil.
Lisa

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lisa in London:
<strong>I think I forget how traumatic the effect of the A was and it ending, let alone facing up to what I've done with my H.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've seen the effect on a WS so bad that I'm able to say it to you now. Sadly I didn't realise just how traumatic it was for my WW at the time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I do hear what you're saying about giving myself a break etc. and ole JL's "time and patience", but I'm not sure H is prepared to put the same time scale on things as I would like.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can almost guarantee that he will not want the same time frame. I didn't. I wanted immediate action, an almosy immediate meeting of minds on how we move forward. I had all the other blood and abuse stuff too. It just couldn't be done. He will be wanting to "fix" the situation (as most males). He will want to feel in control. My Wife couldn't work to my timeframe. In her frame of mind it was better for her to run away which is what she has done. I would suggest that you say that you need time and that he also needs time to process this and not act rashly.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I suggested until the new year - approximately 6 months, but H keeps saying he's living half a life and isn't prepared to wait.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually you will probably find that he will wait. It's the hurt speaking at the moment. Often the actions do not match the words.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I think he wants action now - me to change now, be as he wants to be now and throw my all into it now.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Which actually wont happen because you to are traumatised by what you have done and the effect it has had on you both.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>The fact that until last week he was sooo hurt/upset/angry all the time, did me no good at all but I still tried to remain positive and relatively upbeat.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sure, but you are trying and in time he should see that and respond. It is easy to be defensive and upset. It is harder to progress. Its the fight/flight syndrome. My WW has done her fighting now she's run from her world.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I honestly think that perhaps I was meant to be alone - I've got used to living alone, doing things my way, going out when I want to etc.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course and almost certainly one of the contributing factors to an A. These are the kind of things that you should work on at Relate or with your H in time.

I am trying to live alone now with three youngish daughters...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>If H tells me he's not prepared to wait and pushes for an answer, then it will be one that he doesn't want to hear.....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's slightly aggressive mode? You could always say "I need time, I am sorry for what I have done, please understand that it's hurting me too and I need to process that hurt to move on". Or words to that effect.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>How you BS stay strong when your WS continue with OP is beyond me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's called Love Lisa.

Best wishes Neil.

Hello Neil

In reverse order - your last comment about love brought a tear to my eye. I am so sorry that you not only have to deal with your WW's A but also her clearly fragile mental state. That you continue to love and support her and your family is indeed an admirable thing. On your post you were saying about your support mechanisms, and I feel grateful that I have found MB where I can truly say what I want and how I feel. Of course, it is no substitute for friends and family, but it is another place to come. And sometimes, however bad I feel, I know there are plenty out there who know that, or have even more to deal with, yet can still spend the time to support me. That's why I like to try and post to other people too, because even a little bit of support to others helps you to help yourself - if you know what I mean!

My comment wasn't meant to be aggressive about if H pushes me to decide. Sometimes I find it hard to keep explaining the same things to him and he doesn't understand or want to accept what I say. Rather than aggressive, I think I go into what I call "self preservation mode". I don't want to be hurt anymore so I become defensive as a way to care for myself, i.e. you want to push for an answer I can't give you, so go and leave me alone. I still feel rather at the end of my tether with everything....

Also, it very much ties in with the fight/flight syndrome. When H was first due home in August, I wanted to run - I was planning to go away by myself for a couple of weeks, then I found MB and started posting. Everyone encouraged me to stay put and ask H to come home (originally he was going to move straight out). H has changed his mind constantly (not surprising really) about what he wants or doesn't want, and in all of this time (including his flat viewing a few weeks back etc.), I've stood my ground and fought. Stay here, give it time etc. All the times he got angry with me and was verbal, I just took it. I suppose I feel that I deserved it all and more. But I never ran. After the other weekend when I had my "meltdown" as I call it, I realised that everything had really taken it's toll and I couldn't keep going on as I was. I can't fight H anymore, if he wants answers I can't give him and will move on without them, then I can't fight to make him change his mind anymore.

You know at times, I feel so frail I think I will break. If you knew me or saw me, that would be so laughable, because in reality, I'd say I'm very strong and robust (physically and mentally). I never for one moment thought about the implications of my A and what it would do to H or me. If only I had....

Thanks again Neil. It's so good to know there are people out there. I'm seriously going to consider a phone call with Steve H. I don't really want to change IC - we've only really started sessions properly a couple of weeks ago. I think at the moment, rather than being a chance to work out about the A, it's support for the immediacy of the situation and how I feel. With time, maybe H will agree to MC again.

Lisa

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lisa in London:
<strong>On your post you were saying about your support mechanisms, and I feel grateful that I have found MB where I can truly say what I want and how I feel.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes I agree with you here. You wont find many of my posts anymore because I had to delete them once she started cutting herself as a result of reading them. She did actually start posting here herself but it was I think to much too early.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Even a little bit of support to others helps you to help yourself - if you know what I mean!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes for me in fact most of my support and encouragement comes from Email friends. I find that in my situation my family is too biased and my friends are now unsure how to advise. There is also the level of privacy and anonymity too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Sometimes I find it hard to keep explaining the same things to him and he doesn't understand or want to accept what I say.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As a BS I can agree with him here. It is a constant need to keep being told, almost like at times you think it is somewhat surreal. A "This Can't Be Happening Can It?" mentality. Time increases the realisation, and reduces the need to here it. Then comes the time when he will begin to want reassurance from you. Which brings different problems. Try and weather it. See it not so much focussed AT you but as a need to understand, and you are the only one he can get the answers from. Practise total honesty.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Everyone encouraged me to stay put and ask H to come home (originally he was going to move straight out).</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes because those who've weathered the storm know that running doesn't help. My W has run, and it hasn't helped at all. In fact it has crushed all 5 of us. Coming back and rebuilding is harder also as a result. And being honest if it doesn't work out for you guys you can hold your head up and say you gave it your best in a bad situation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>You know at times, I feel so frail I think I will break.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am the same. People say how do you keep going? Well you just do, after all the alternative is much worse. But that doesn't stop us crying or screaming or being torn up.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I'm seriously going to consider a phone call with Steve H.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wouldn't suggest you replace IC or UK based MC with telephone support from Steve H. I intend to use him as my occasional proving ground and "professional" support rather than my weekly help stuff.

Neil.

Lisa,

I am on travel and don't have much time right now, but several things you said touched me. First, I think it is time you and H had a talk. "What about?" you ask. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well about how you feel. If he doesn't know these things he should.

He needs to know that while you are certain about many things, one of the things you are certain about is that you don't want a divorce from him. If a divorce comes it should be a mutual decision.

Two, you need his help. He really needs to hear this, although it will sound strange to him. You need to explain to him that while you realize YOU made some very bad decisions, you have also made a decision to standfast and see if you and he can repair this marriage. Your guilt, your uncertainty, and your pain are really getting to you. You realize he is in pain as well. Could he please try to help, by understanding and acting as if he doesn't want to destroy you, and that he wants to consider a future relationship. And you will do the same.

The bottom line is that right now, no matter how all of this turns out, you need each others help in the form of openness, protection from the deep anger within each of you, and a realization that you are both in pain.

It seems to me that if you start to tell some of this it will "make sense" to him. Yes, he would love all of this to be over and resolved, so would you. I would guess you would give a lot to wake up tomorrow and fine yourself deeply in love with him, wanting him, and him willing to take you back and work on the marriage. It isn't going to happen. The old Time and Patience is required. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't here your wishes, your need for his help.

Lisa what I am suggesting is that you hold your hand out to him, literally and figuratively and tell him you two need to help each other reach a good decision on this matter. It really needs to be both of your decision, and the data clearly shows that when operating alone neither of you do so well.

Lisa, I realize it would be so much easier to just leave and be alone. It seems that way anyway, but whether this marriage lasts or ends, how you and your H handle things will have a profound impact on the rest of your lives. He needs to see this also. The wisdom of you two working together, acknowledging each others pain, esteem issues, and just plain "ole" confusion, is really overwhelming.

He needs to hear this from you, and you need to realize it yourself. You two are not enemies, you are two very confused, hurt people, and the best way to address all of this is together. It may be that you two decide that the marriage is well and truely over, or it maybe that you two decide to try to be married for awhile, or that you need to start over with being friends. You have all of these options but you TWO need to be deciding them.

Talk to him, listen to him, but more than anything you two need to realize you are on the same side here. You two are fighting the past events and their effects on you, and you need to realize this.

Must go to work.

God Bless,

JL

Lisa, Thanks for your thoughts and support regarding my situation. I also wanted to encourage you to see a doctor to see if you are depressed. My WH is from London (New Malden in Surrey. OW lives in Farnborough in Hampton.)and he and our other British friends tell me that many Brits are not as receptive to counseling and psychological issues as we Americans. Fortunately, WH is and has sought out the help he needs. He is just so embarrassed and doesn't want me telling anyone. Yesterday, the Doctor diagnosed him as being BiPolar and prescribed tablets that should stabilize his moods.

I will keep my fingers crossed for you and pray that your H opens his heart to you.

Brit's Brat/BS-41
WH-43
DS-11 months
Status: Finally in recovery - Both WH and Marriage!!!!

Hello Everyone

Firstly, BB - thanks for taking the time to show your support. As I said to Neil, it amazes me how much support the people on this site can give when thier own situations are so difficult. Sometimes, I feel like a fraud - you know, my situation is my own creation, and people like you, Neil and Nick don't deserve it - I do. Thank you anyway....

Yes, I have finally made an appointment with the Doctor, although it's 10 days away - that great British institution - the NHS! I think I'm probably more open than some, because my sister has/had a mental health problem for many years. I think in a way, I kept thinking - why would I be depressed?, and it's only recently that I've begun to admit why that could be. DOH, living a double life for 5 months, lieing, cheating, being found out, and the pain and destruction that has caused are all pretty good reasons!! Top that with my lack of self esteem and absolute fundamental dislike of myself and what I have done.....

JL - I read all of your post carefully a couple of times. I think the time is right to talk. We have had no A talks since the weekend before last, but I think we need to have an "us" talk. Maybe the time had not been right before, and I don't think it would have worked. I think now, we are both truly calmer around each other. I don't want to let him down, you're absolutely right about the wanting to wake up and be in love and forget it all happened. Thanks for taking the time out of your schedule to reply. You're always around with those wise words when I need them most.

Neil - no I'd still continue with my IC and hope that at some stage H would be able to agree to start MC together again. It is not something I want to force him to do. His IC starts off again this week, and I think it is important for both of us to individually work some things out before perhaps coming together again.

Whilst I cannot begin to imagine how you feel about your wife's self harming and abuse issues, I do know that my sister was very ill for a long time and used to self harm. When I found out, it freaked me out. I had always looked up to her and admired her, and then I was trying to look after her. She was always the strong one in control, and it completely went against the grain that she did this. She has come a long long way, and again resembles the strong, bossy, stroppy sister I always knew and loved <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I do practice total honesty with H, but not sure he does with me. I was very upset that he didn't tell me about the tape he sent to OM, and he used my PC the other day to look for flats on the internet. Both of these things upset me, although not on the scale of my A - he still wasn't honest with me. I'm not sure if H really wants to use the MB principles - sometimes I find some of them a little hard to relate to, but I fundamentally think, that these principles have worked for many people, and if we're to try and work things through, alot of the principles are a good way to behave in your M.

Thank you all again.
Lisa

Dear Lisa,
Your symptoms sound very similar to what I went through while depressed. Anti Ds helped alot! If you are crying every day (I was) they will help you feel calmer, more clear. I wouldn't make any decisions until you have settled down. Recovery is hard. The first year is very difficult.

Your H will probably remain distant while you remain uncommitted to saving the M. An A is a terrible blow, he is protecting himself from further pain.

You may not be able to properly face your own emotions about it all while depressed- too painful.

Remember anti Ds take time to work. Also they can have side effects- sleepiness, numb below the waist. If you have side effects, ask your dr to change the meds. I was on one where I had side effects, on my new med, I have none. I don't feel like I'm taking anything, just notice I'm not crying, feeling panicked, less obsessive etc. All the good effects and none of the bad.

good luck!

Thanks Espoir - I'm going to talk to the Doctor, but I feel like this has been going on too long. Crying every day pretty much for 3 months now, and I do know I am completely irrational about a lot of stuff. Today for example, I turned right out of a junction and a van was on the corner of the road - I pulled out slowly because I couldn't see, and a car was coming straight down. The man in the car started gesticulating and swearing at me, and I just couldn't see his car!! I nearly turned around followed him and wanted to give him what for. Because I didn't, I started to cry.....

H has been different this past week or so. Other than one minor incident, he's been very calm and polite and even nice!! He helped me out a lot last night (had a PC crisis) and I know he's trying a lot harder. I think we're both a little distant with each other - doing circles around each other, but this is certainly better than the shouting and cruel words.

Thanks again.
Lisa