We have been in recovery for several months now, things have been going very well...
Yesteday I found out that something happened between my FWS and a good friend of ours
about the same time her A with OM started.
We went out to dinner with some friends, this is well over a year ago now, after dinner and a few drinks, our friend, Steve, whom is married and has kids, his W is best friends with my FWS,
asked Lynn if she wanted to go for a motercycle ride, she accepted againist my judgement and left with him. I didn't think it was a good idea to go for a motercycle ride after they had both
been drinking. Turns out they went for a ride and pulled over somewhere, they were gone
about 45 minutes, and I was not happy at all.
Well, yesterday I find out that something happened when they pulled over, the person that told me only said that Steve tried to kiss her, didn't know what else happened.
Well Steve and his W are still very good friends of ours, atleast until yestday. I asked W about this last night without LB or getting angry,etc. She first denied anything happened, then I told her that I had already found out, finally she confessed that he tried to kiss her but it or anything else never happened. Personally, i don't beleive it but maybe I am just pestimistic after everything that has happened.
I have ALOT of anger with this, although I have not shown her this. I thanked her for finally
telling me the truth and for making the right decision that night.

Now for the problems: I obviously do not want to be friends with Steve any more, FWS understand this but doesn't want me to say anything to Steve or his W.

I feel betrayed again, even though nothing may not of happened, don't know if I will ever
get to the bottom or if I should even want to, the past is the past right? She obviously had
alot of problems back then so even if something happened I shouldn't be surprise. So why am
I filled with anger, I couldn't even sleep last night.

Comments?

Thanks
Dave

Dave,

I certainly cannot blame you for being upset. Unfortunately alcohol does impair our judgment, I know that is not an excuse.

My gut feeling is that both your wife and Steve were very ashamed of this and did not want to tell anyone in order to destroy friendships.

My question is, is how did this other person find out, did your wife or your friend tell that other person?

GC,My W told a mutual friend who told me yesterday... My W said she didn't tell me to
protect me, that she has hurt me enough, I want to
believe her but it is so hard.....

Dave

Hey Dave. If someone already told you about this, then why corner her and make her defensive? It's like forcing her to choose to either admit the truth (which she already feels badly about, and knows is harmful towards your recovery) or lie. It's really a no-win situation for her. If that's not LB'ing, I don't know what is.

I'm not sticking up for her. And this additional info sure stirs things up for you, I'm sure, I just don't know what your goal was in bringing it up. Sounds a little spiteful to me.

I'm no MB expert or anything, but I think the whole radical honesty thing doesn't mean that either of you should be forced to discuss everything you've ever done wrong. That is just so counter-productive, ya know?

Just try to answer this question: "Bringing this up (already knowing what happened) helps our recovery because...."?