I new my wife was having an affair and finally got her to admit it this past Sunday night. I told her I wanted to talk to her open and honestly. Knowing of this cheating before hand I had some time to think about what I wanted. I finally ruled out divorce because I love this woman and would like our marriage to survive. She told me that night that she loves this guy (very hard to take). We discussed trying to rebuild what we once had but she wouldn't answer. I'm sure it was still the shock of me finding out. The thing she did say was she needs some time to think, but not with me in our home. Said she's moving out in a week. She says it's by herself, but I think this is only partially true and not a good situation for marriage repair. Anybody had a similar situation? Any advise? I have loved this gal for 26 years and this the reaction I get. We've had a good marriage up till this past couple years and I could see things slowly slipping. We did not react soon enough. Could use some help at this point.

Broken Hearted

Hey man. Read. There is tons of information on this site that will help you. If you read other postings, you'll see that your situation is typical.

Start by clicking here. This will help you understand where her head is, and help you cope.

<small>[ September 25, 2002, 05:27 AM: Message edited by: Riff ]</small>

Wantoliveagain - I'm so sorry for the pain that has brought you here, but you've come to a great place full of wonderful support.

I was exactly where you are just a few months ago. 26 years of marriage down the drain when she chose the OM over me and our family.

She moved out, that time, for a month.
(If you want to read about it I can give you a link to the thread)

We began recovery on 5/28 and are doing well. Not bump free, but doing very well. I base it all on God's intervention. I don't know if you and your wife are Christians, but we are and it proved invaluable to "righting the ship".

Get on some anti-d meds like Welbutrin if your emotional swings go wild. It will smooth things out and help you to think rationally and get through the shock and intitial pain.

Read everything you can about affairs and recovering marriages. Read Torn Asunder by Dave Carder, Surviving an Affair, His Needs/Her Needs by Steve Harley, and everything on this site. It will give you some insight that you desperately need right now.

There are a lot of wonderful people here who are most willing to help. They will lend and ear, answer questions, cry with you, etc., so please post frequently and let us know how you are doing.

^^^ bump ^^^

Wantoliveagain, how are you doing today?

Wanttoliveagain - look, behind every post on this board is a story which not so long ago started exactly like your's. In my case the nightmare started 6 months ago.
So, the good news is that this board contains a wealth of experience in this matter with maybe around 100+ people online telling each other what works best and supporting each other. The other good news is that - if approached correctly (ie following advice from here) your chances of recovery are actually pretty good.
The bad news is, that there isn't a magical fix to the problem. Prepare for the long haul - half a year at least till you may see the first baby step of real progress.

What you should do now is:
- dont do anything rash, like taking important decisions. neither you nor your wife are in a perfectly balanced state of mind
- try to eat properly, sleep properly and do some physical activities.
- do A LOT of reading here on this site, plus read the books recommended on this site.

the stuff really works, you know.

First, I want to thank each of you for quick replies and sharing support. Yesterday was my first day on the forum. I have read over and over again the MB site info. Alot to digest at first, so I starting dwelling more on the stuff that applied to me this moment.

Yes, I'm very emotional right now over this, and will start reading some of the other letters written under "just found out", and keep up with my followers and supporters in this section too. I think this forum is good also because at this point 80% of my close friends are her brothers and sisters (8 of them) and none of them know about OM. I'm also at a stage where my non-family close friends need not know just yet. Wouldn't even know what to tell them. Totally embarrassed at the moment.

My wife and I had another talk last night, went smooth no one pulled out any weapons (dirty laundry) very honest talk. Her intentions are still to move out. Say's she needs to get her head back together and really doesn't want me or the OM in her life at the moment. And as I thought this would go, she's looking for an apartment much closer to him than me. More convenient for getting to work she says. Yeh! right I'm thinking. Man it's hard to even trust the truth(?). Said she had a phone# for therapy and wants this first and then if her decision is to come back to me, that she may want me to go also.

Now I'm worried about holding down the house and all the other finances after she moves. One of the reason's we both had to work in the first place. Wow, I hope I can do this.

Wantoliveagain, just wanted to see how you are doing. I'll bet you've been buried in the reading. I hope it is helping a little.

Wantoliveagain, how are you doing? Haven't seen anything from you in about a week.

WTLA - concerned about you, guy. Haven't seen anything from you in quite a while and was hoping to see an update, a venting, some questions, etc. as you are going through this intensely painful time.